With thanks to Ken Richards.

Hello.....

I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting, but it is so difficult
in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone.

So I met with my solicitor yesterday, and on his advice (and after £299 in
consultation fees and numerous drafts) I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation implied or implicit my best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible low stress non addictive
gender neutral celebration of the season solstice holiday practiced within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular
practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions
and/or traditions of others or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar
year 2008 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have helped make England great (not
to imply that England is necessarily greater than any other country or is
the only "England" in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the race
creed colour age physical ability religious faith or sexual  preference of
the wished.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.

It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.

It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes
for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable
at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application
of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a
subsequent holiday greeting whichever comes first and warranty is limited to
replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of
the wisher...

Regards,

Steve J