What is the flaming all about?

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Peter - 21 Dec 2007 14:36 GMT

Hello Group Members,

I guess I am a newbie.I monitor, ask for information and post responses when
I think I can add to the conversation. I thank those that have responded to
my postings and your help has been greatly appreciated. There are a few
questions that have risen about group process. I take it that we (most) are
in the same boat, we have, have had, or care deeply for someone that does
have prostate cancer. The name of this group has given me the impression
that this is a support group where respondent's give and receive help as we
come to grips and make choices regarding our health. This is not an easy
task. Your support for my issues has been helpful and reassuring. As one
member has placed on their postings "Knowledge is Power". My question is
this.What is all of the sparring and flaming all about? Have I missed many
things in the group history that has lead to the angry and hurtful words
expressed by members? Are some of the comments made in jest? If so I don't
get the joke. I can imagine that some have anger at what life has thrown
them and maybe that is the source of the postings, if so, I can understand,
but my sensibilities still give me the compassion for those that are the
targets.

If anyone could please give a heads up on this as a group dynamic, I would
appreciate it. I have and hope to continue to give and receive help and
support from the members here and am grateful for the help received.

Peter

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Heather - 21 Dec 2007 16:50 GMT

Well....as you don't say who is doing the flaming, I will just give a
generic sort of answer. There rarely is flaming on this SUPPORT group,
but in the past few months there have been 2 men who seem to delight in
putting people down and insulting them. Sy and Safire. I have them
both killfiled, so unless someone quotes them, I never see it.

Why they do it, I do not know. Does it make them feel superior?? Doubt
it. Are they mad at the world?? Maybe. But frankly, the less I see of
those sorts of people, the better.

Rest assured that other than the odd little contretemps, everyone is
very supportive and helpful. So if it is just those two, then killfile
them. If it is others, then ignore them. You have enough to think
about without reading them.

Merry Christmas from the Great White North......Heather, wife of Ron.

> Hello Group Members,
>
[quoted text clipped - 23 lines]
>
> Peter

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Claude - 21 Dec 2007 17:50 GMT

> Hello Group Members,
>
[quoted text clipped - 21 lines]
>
> Peter

There are a couple of men who have a history, and one of these snipes at the
other periodically. Sy and Safire are the only other ones of recent vintage
who have created some problems in the group with content or tone of
responses. Before that, we would periodically have political statements
being made, either directly or indirectly, which raised the ire of a few of
us. Gratefully, I havent noticed them in recent months, so they must have
diminished. Other than that, this is the most civil Usenet group I've
participated in. Lot of disagreement, but in the end, lots of support.

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limey - 21 Dec 2007 18:54 GMT

<snip>

> If anyone could please give a heads up on this as a group dynamic, I
> would appreciate it. I have and hope to continue to give and receive
> help and support from the members here and am grateful for the help
> received.
> Peter

This is a very supportive group. On behalf of my husband, I have
lurked and sometimes posted about the course of his illness. As others
have said, Sy was a real exception to the tone of the group, insulting
everyone who tried to give advice. I haven't followed Safire enough to
comment. Rest assured, they are *not* the norm around here.

Dora

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BH - 21 Dec 2007 19:18 GMT

Peter, I have to agree with what others have already said. For the 13
years I've intermittently monitored and sometimes contributed to this
group, I almost always found it to be a true support group. There are
some who do cause troubles. Most of us get around to killfiling those
sooner or later - problem resolved.

There are a few regulars who have very strong opinions that they
freely express. They usually agree; but, sometimes seem to be at odds
with each other. I can see how an observer might interpret some of
their posts as flames. I don't see it that way. They are just
strong-minded people who disagree. Some, in my opinion, tend to rely
too heavily on the better-known PCa gurus and seem inclined to take
the words of their favorite gurus and pass those words along as
gospel. Where the gurus fail to agree, members of this group fail to
agree. Again, that's just my opinion and I respect the rights of
people to follow whatever guru they choose.

There is a tremendous amount of experience in this group. Most
members are willing to share freely. I'd recommend that you just
glean the information that seems applicable to your individual
situation, and weigh it carefully before applying it. And, don't read
too much into disagreements.

Best wishes for Happy Holidays and good health!

Burney

Are some of the comments made in jest? If so I don't

>get the joke. I can imagine that some have anger at what life has thrown
>them and maybe that is the source of the postings, if so, I can understand,
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>
>Peter

RP in 1995 (age 52)
RT in 2000
ADT (Casodex) 10/06 - 8/07

burney dot huff at mindspring dot com

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Steve Kramer - 21 Dec 2007 20:54 GMT

> Hello Group Members,
>
> I guess I am a newbie.

My personal opinion is that you have moved beyond newbie. You came in what?
September? Tossed around your alternatives, chose the 'bot and gotterdone.
Your reports are back and your experience is superior to that of the newbies
that follow and they will need your support.

> What is all of the sparring and flaming all about? Have I missed many
> things in the group history that has lead to the angry and hurtful words
> expressed by members?

I have been invovled in forums all the way back to when I participated in
Bulletin Board Systems (BBSs). The history of this group is nearly pristine
as compared to what I have seen elsewhere. But, every once in a while we
get a man or woman here that has very little concern about supporting or
being supported or his/her anger at cancer spills over and they become just
rotten. Furthermore, we are not immune to the common troll. The worst, I
think, was a guy who was an avowed racist and spewed is beliefs for a short
time. I think he was 70 in 2001 with a Gleason 9 and is probably rotting in
Hell now. The next worst, I think, is Saffire, and he isn't really a close
second. The cure for him and those like them is to configure your reader to
not accept their emails. They eventually starve and, like cancer on ADT,
fade away. But, some of us lose our good sense and play with them for
awhile. For that, I apologize.

> Are some of the comments made in jest? If so I don't get the joke.

Yup. We lost a guy named "The2Pops" because of one of my attempts at humor.
I've always felt bad about that. And, of course, I never miss a chance to
snipe Canada just to get Heather's goat. Those that have been around awhile
know what I'm doing. But, Heather falls for it every time. :-)

> If anyone could please give a heads up on this as a group dynamic, I would
> appreciate it. I have and hope to continue to give and receive help and
> support from the members here and am grateful for the help received.

That's about it, Peter. We have here a collection of people who have only
two things in common: Prostate Cancer and the ability to communicate using
English. We have crooks and cops; Aussies, Limies, Canucks, and Yanks;
black, white, and brown; Catholics, Jews, and athiests; cowboys and
accountants; Hillary lovers and the sane; and on and on and on. The fact
that we all get together so well, except for one or two a year, is a
miracle.

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