GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE  LEARNED:
 1) No  matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
 2) When your Mom is  mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
 3) If your sister hits  you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
 4) Never  ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
 5) You can't trust dogs  to watch your food.
 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your  hair.
 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when  you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE  LEARNED:
1)  Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't  hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4)  Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5)  Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory;  growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the  preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else  you can do while you're down
there.
4) You're getting old when you get  the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller  coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody  bothers to ask
you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but  it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age  comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look  like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age  4  success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a  drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a  drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.