A couppla quick (when did I ever do anything quick?) stories about chillies
and durians for your amusement. & bugger all to do with PCa.

In UK, we have (or had) work experience programs for kids about to leave
school.
At one place I worked, we were sent a real obnoxious squirt to gain
experience of kitchen work. He was a dirty mongrel but we did try to give
him a genuine insight, despite his backtalk and attitude.
He was forever picking food up and tasting it then putting it back on the
counters - sticking his mucky fingers into something like a little pot of
Bavarois creme and licking them. He just wouldn't be told. I had thrown him
out of the walk in fridges several times for sitting on a shelf with the
food - munching the soft fruits and drinking juice cocktails.
This kid was from a deprived background and obviously some of the fresher
veggies and fruits were beyond his parent's budget - he'd gradually come out
of his shell while we were on breaks - but that attitude of his - just
negated any 'good' feelings for him. What I will say in his favour was that
he devoured information first time and asked a lot of pertinent questions -
some I had not been asked by the work experience kids - and - shown how to
Steel a Knife, to properly dice an onion, toss a pancake - he picked up like
a natch and didnt have to be shown twice. - Just that bloody cheeky attitude
and no respect.
On his last day we had just been delivered a week's supply of expensive
'exotics' - Blueberries, Rasps, Logans, Starfruits, Mangosteens,Wild
Strawberries, and so on.  We'd taken delivery too of 'exotic' veggies -
among them - a selection of fresh chillies.  Late afternoon - and he was
asking - 'whats this and whats that and can I taste them and some of those?'
Now if this had been a decent attitude kid, I'd have had no problem giving
him a shebang to take home.  To my eternal shame, I told him that the little
green and red 'things' were baby sweet peppers - and - yeah - go on - eat
one...
The poor kid (I felt real sorry afterwards) was in tears - he'd never tasted
anything like that before, Called me a selection of names and had to be
taken to the Nurse. (He'd also gone to the toilet - apparently and touched
his 'wee man' and was in serious pain.
The Kitchen brigade and I retired to the local pub at shift-change in roars
of laughter.
The following day, I recieved a written warning regarding my disgraceful
conduct. I think I made up for it with a glowing report submitted to his
school - but still managed to comment on his attitude and lack of respect.
The eventual upshot - I had to interview him as a potential employee a few
months later - and to my own surprise - gave him a job as a junior commis. I
later heard he had won 'UK Beef Chef of the Year' in 2001. His dish - an
unusual cut from the Beef shoulder, well trimmed and slow-roasted in a shell
of red bell peppers and - - - - - green chillies...!

Durians - the size of a Rugger (Rugby) Ball and oval in shape - covered in
very sharp spikes - you daren't go near the trees in season - a lot of folks
killed by the falling fruits. Native to most of Indonesia and SE Asia.  The
fruit not allowed on the Singapore underground railway, nor on any aircraft
because of the smell - which it is very reminiscent of onions you peeled a
week ago and forgot about, mixed with sweet custard and cat poo. It really
is pretty revolting until you get used to it.  The flavour when not quite
ripe enough is really just like the smell. When more ripe, the flavour is
slightly sweeter and more oniony and a lot less Poo. When REALLY ripe, it's
character changes to a sweet sort of vanilla flavoured cream flavoured
slightly with sweet onions and hardly a trace of Poo at all.  My first taste
was as a youngster aged 8 in Malaya with my Dad who was in the Army. I puked
for a long time even at the memory of it. Dad loved the stuff and now I have
a place for it too. Malays and Indonesians call it "The KING of Fruits"
Anyway - I used to vacation a lot to Peninsular Malaysia - East Coast -
long - incredibly long deserted beaches that my wives and kids just loved to
frolic on - look back after walking a mile and all you saw were your own
footprints... Terriffic beach casting for fishermen too... lots of free
fish-caught meals and where I got my liking for Chilies in food as a child.
I digress - as usual - sorry!
At that same place I worked described above, we had a very - VERY rotund
book-keeper. She was extremely efficient and able to work wonders with the
accounts when we had the odd slack times. Her heart was solid gold and she'd
do anyone a favour if she was able.  Because she was SO overweight - I
mean - a beachball with legs and arms - she had difficulty with personal
hygeine - also troubled by incontinence. Her troubles were self inflicted
mostly - with the firm almost since leaving college, she'd started off as a
slim attractive girl, but greed for the wrong foods got her the way she was.
She also had no sense of smell - which may explain why I did what I did with
iniquity!
I had brought back with me from one vacation, a box of 10 bottles of Durian
Extract - not essence (which is a cheap synthetic) These worked out at £14 a
bottle in 1998. On the morning I started back at work, the weather had been
particularly Glasgow - wet, windy, cool with rain coming down in sheets.
The book-keeper had arrived in her usual state - breathless but before
everyone else - very sweaty and drenched - not just from the rain - but
she'd wet her knickers too - and was drying them at her feet with an
electric fan-heater. The office stank with the smell of pishy drying
knickers. (This was not an unusual thing) Office co-workers - a huge open
area - just had to get on with it and wear a handerchief over their noses -
this lady was too much of an asset to either upset or lose.
My wickedness surfaced - I went into the office with two bottles of this
Extract, screwed off the tops and left them close by her heater.  Within
minutes, the entire office stank like the worst public toilet you ever
entered.
Office workers called their Union Official and a lot of talk was going on. I
had to furtively regain the bottles and recap them! (Corner and sous chefs
causing a distraction at the other end of the kithens - Yup - they were ALL
in on it)
Although it was wintertime, the ventilator & extractor fans were turned to
Max to clear the fumes.
I was VERY lucky to get away with that one.
Backshot of it was that I had to leave the extract at home for six months
before experimenting with it in the workplace for sweets and puddings -
among which - Ice Cream takes the extract very well - turning out an Ice
cream with a superlative 'Orange & Mango' taste - muted with 'something
mysteriously nice'  Horrible in savouries!

Oh well - not a food recipe - but recipes for potential dismissal offences!

Hey IP - email me with a returnable email addy if you would like to see the
project (63 pages and just under 4 Mbytes) so far and say if you want to see
it as an MS Word doc, in rich text or as a pdf. I reckon I need a lot of
input from you. (and other folk if interested) - see next post. (If rich
text - will lose all the illustrations)
Goodnight!
Hughie.

???? You did nothing wrong.
J