Dishonest responses to questions about sexual function is always a
possibility, but how would asking wives about the intensity of their
husbands' orgasms provide more valid information than asking the men
themselves? Would we expect men to be able knowledgably to answer
questions about the quality of their partners' orgasmic experiences?

My thought would be that anonymous data collection might be more likely
to yield meaningful replies than face-to-face interviews.

But, on the other hand, I also ask myself what would be the use of such
data? Naturally, it's a concern of my own as I'm on the road to radical
surgery myself. But if it were true that orgasms were diminished, or
even if they were non-existent after cancer removal, would that have
any bearing on treatment decision-making? Probably not for many. When
the choice comes down to "your orgasm or your life", most (though
perhaps not all), I should think would choose life.

But still, I'm interested in what others have to say on this issue.
It's obviously an important question.

Tom

Your Uro is correct.  By the time we're through the treatment, we've
been battered and hammered.   No way anything is working like it used
to.

Think about the typical 60, 70-something geezer, libido on the wane,
Not really all there anyway.

Add in the slashing (RP) and burning (RT) and it's a wonder that
anything works.

I went ADT and rad, Lupron, IMRT and Pd seeds.  Beginning about 6
months after the Lupron, I managed a couple erections and orgasms a
week.  These were adequate but nothing like before the treatment.

My erection comes slow.  It takes visualization and stimulation and
without Vitamin-V, I'm just hard enough for penetration and fighting to
keep it up.  This was never a problem before.

I used to be good for 20 or 30 minutes of thrusting, well over the 5-10
minutes that gives the average woman a vaginal orgasm.  This was
satisfying for me and for her.  There's a lot of positive feedback and,
er, strokes that come from a woman moaning, gasping, shuddering, and
kicking her legs, not to mention the clawing and biting.

After the treatment? 3 or 4 minutes is it.   Not quite in the premature
ejaculation range but too soon for a really good time.  We can adapt.
Tongues, lips, fingers, they all still work.

There is nothing like a good long, face-to-face session, tongues
probing lips, penis buried deep, making wet squishing sounds, ankles
against ears, hands on breasts, completely intertwined, joined, giving
and taking pleasure from each other, vulnerable and open to each other,
taking turns being dominating and demanding.with being submissive and
subserviant to her needs.  The give and take of a partnership of
pleasure.  Those were the old days before the cancer and the treatment.

Another disapointment is not "feeling" the tidal wave rush of semen at
orgasm.

There's some twitching, it feels good but the satisfaction of just
letting go and flooding into a woman is missing.  Semen that used to
squirt and make what one lady called, "an interesting mess, I like to
feel it oozing out afterward."  just dribbles.

Bottom line is that 2 years after rad, erections are serviceable,
orgasms are adequate, everything works but nothing is as good as
before.  The docs and books should be straight about this.

See the current movie, "Little Miss Sunshine", I used to imagine an old
age like the gramps, the retirement home lothario.  I'm not up to it.

-kh

I think that men have a macho self-image that would make it difficult for
many to admit that they have problems with erections, orgasm, etc. Take a
handful of men at the local hangout watching a favorite game on the big
screen. It's half time and the cheerleaders are strutting their stuff. The
cameraman is capturing the T&A show and the talk amoungst the guys has
turned from the game to what they'd like to do each cheerleader. Do you
really think that PC Survivor is going to admit he couldn't do anything even
if he wanted? Nope, he can still talk the talk. But on Monday morning PC
Survivor has a doc appt. The doc asks him if everything is fine and he
answers yes. So the doc asks him again if he's having any problems and PC
says no. This time the doc asks PC if he needs any help with erections and
maybe PC might manage to tell the doc that things aren't what they used to
be. So the doc hands him a scrip for Viagra. PC goes home and files the
scrip in the waste basket because he's too embarrassed to even take it to
the local drug store. How could he fill that scrip being the pharmacist is
the wife of another buddy and the tech is his game buddy's wife? Yes, ask
the wife if he has one. She'll tell you that sex is non-existent and she
hates that or that she could careless if it fell off and she was never
bothered again.

Women tend to be more honest about some things. Women will also be less than
honest and will not tell their partner that they are not satisfied. Do you
really think many wives going to tell their husbands that what they now get
for sex sucks? No. They will keep their mouth shut and say to themselves,
"oh, he tried". That leaves them three options actually four but the forth
would be to tell the husband and work to correct the situation so I'll stay
with the three. One finish off what he started by herself, resign herself to
less than optimal sex, or find satisfaction elsewhere.

Several years ago there was another guy on this group and he and his wife
had run up against the brick wall when it came to sex. She had some physical
problems due to aging that made intercourse unpleasant for her. He could not
get it up because of his age, RP, and ADT/chemo. But what they did still
have a closeness and they used that closeness wisely. They had snuggle
times. They'd get naked and do things like give each other massages,  and
they would do lots of kissing and touching. They tell each other how much
they loved one another, etc. It was like foreplay without the play. But for
them it was as special and intimate as full sexual intercourse.

Sex is going to be exactly what you make it be. I know that sounds weird but
it's true. If all you want to do is get it off then you'll make that happen.
If you want intimate then you can make that happen. If you worry about it
too much then you're going to have problems. Performance anxiety I think
does more harm to most men after PC. You can't worry about it. Chances are
you didn't have a rock hard, pressed against your bellybutton, erection
prior to treatment and you haven't had one of those since you were 30 years
old anyway! Slowly your body has been changing over the years but then PC
came along and accelerated that change by probably another 20 years. The
difference is that you noticed it!

Today there are a variety of options available to help an erection. What are
you willing to do to create an erection? There are a few guys that probably
still couldn't get an erection with caverject but that is probably very
rare.

Orgasms are still there. It is a different set of nerves and it is very tied
to the brain function. (We just had this discussion!) Personally, I think if
you worry too much about it you won't enjoy what you do have. So it's
different. Accept the differences and enjoy it. Let's face it sex at 45, 55,
65, and 75 is not what it was at 25 and 35.

At one point after treatment my husband just seemed incapable of having sex.
I think that he had some performance anxiety; he was so concerned about
trying to satisfy me and things just weren't working. So I turned the tables
on him and told him to just relax and expect nothing. I told him I wanted
nothing from him except to be able to give him the opportunity to just enjoy
the sensations. That was when he had his first orgasm without an erection.
It floored him! He didn't think that was possible. He has also discovered
that his orgasms are much more intense than ever before. He admits it is
still very different because there is no ejaculate so it has changed
considerably for him.

The whole sexual package is pretty depressing after PC. Rare are the guys
who get immediate sexual function going again and still they lack that ever
important sensation of ejaculate. For most the fun is gone because the
spontaneity is gone. They've got to work on it instead of it just happening.
A pretty girl walking by isn't going to send them in search of something to
hide the bulge. You are used to getting into the car turning the key and it
starts, now it is as if you have to push the car a block or two to get it
started and for some it is pushing it uphill the while way. So everybody
moans because they don't want to go push the car just to take a ride.
Bev

I never had any ED problem before surgery.  I was given some samples of
Cialis after the surgery (and a prescription to fill if I wanted).  I
took a few of the samples at about 5 months after surgery but stopped
because the nasal congestion made my snoring much worse.  The erections
came back on their own at about 9 months post-op.

I don't know if the lack of ejaculation causes the increased intensity
- there are very strong feelings of contractions.  The intensity of the
first post-op orgasm (which came as I was 'experimenting' before I
could have erections) REALLY shocked me.