Steve wrote that men who rely on women to do research, etc. about their
illness are "wimps."  (Sorry, I can't find the original post).

The truth is it takes strength of character for a man to accept help
from a woman.  My husband has always taken care of me (he likes it) so
this is a complete role reversal for him.  It is especially difficult
because this illness hits "below the belt."

I do most of the planning and research because I am simply better at
it, enjoy it a lot more and am a little more "assertive" than him when
it comes to dealing with medical professionals, e.g.  Also, he is poor
at follow-up -- his PSA result was a 10 but he waited three months
before seeing a urologist (probably intentionally).  (Gleason: 7 (4
+3).  Localized.

The most important point I want to make is that not eveyone wants to or
needs to know how their sausage is made or for that matter every detail
about their illness.  It depends on the man's personality.

I got most of my information from The Prostate Book (aka the Bible) and
consider Dr. Scardino to be God.  (I felt like he was speaking to me
personally).  I deliberately did not overload myself with information
from all over because I didn't think it was constructive.  I related to
my husband the relevant parts of the Prostate Book as well as any
encouraging info.  I actively discouraged him from reading parts of the
book that weren't pertinent at the moment.  For example, he had enough
to worry about before his surgery so why focus on issues like possible
side effects and morbidity?  Or for that matter, after the operation
why dwell on the possibility of recurrence?

Letting my husband rely on me psychologically and physically has made
me feel less guilty about his always taking care of me. I feel more
equal now so it has actually enhanced our relationship.

Sorry for going on so long but I just heard some horrible news (about
my mother) and needed to purge.

Leah