Had mine removed a few years back and wrote this tongue-in-cheek account.

PROSTRATE  PROSTATE

I hadn't had a "physical"
For ten years or so
But for some reason or another
Decided it was time to go.
A check of heart and lungs
(Which I figured must be "shot")
Then the Doc put on his glove
And did what I'd rather, not.
He poked around inside of me
(Which wasn't  any fun)
It seemed to take forever
Until he was finally done.
He said, I had a little bump
He could feel on my prostate
Said, I should have it checked out
That I shouldn't oughta wait.
He sent me to the "Specialist"
Who's supposed to know his "stuff"
To take an ultrasound in me
Which I hoped, would be enough.
He asked, "Is there someone to drive,
'Cause you might need a biopsy
And after we knock you out
We can't just set you free!"
I said "No, just go and do it."
As the nurse greased up the machine
Which looked like some huge dildo
(The biggest, I have ever seen.)
Doc said, "I'll try not to hurt you."
(Boy!  Was that a laugh)
But, I guess my pain threshold
Must run right off the graph!
"Try to relax.", he said to me
As he shoved it up my rear
"Yeah!  Sure!" I said, 'tween moans and groans
As I fought back a tear.
And then, would you believe it?
He said,  "This is gonna hurt.
We need 2 or 3 samples
To find, 'malignant' or 'inert'."
"Just going to be a little 'pop'."
(But, felt like an atom blast!)
Then he pulled it out of me
Saying, "The worst is past."
Then, there was the waiting
But, think I already knew
What the lab report would say
'Cause I was way overdue.
The Doc explained the options
And we decided on the "knife"
It would be the first time
I'd been cut on, in my life.
One morning, into pre-op
A pretty nurse gave me a shot
Then a blur of words and faces
And then by then, I cared not.
Kinda remember waking up
And thought,  "Guess I am still here!"
Knowing it was all over
But, never really had much fear.
Then, nurses in the room
Said,  "C'mon, get out of bed"
Through the haze in disbelief
I said, "You're out of your head!"
"Doctors' orders! Come sit down.
We'll help you to that chair."
And before I knew it
I was sitting there.
Tubes in my arm and belly
Which wasn't all that bad
But they had shaved me bald
And it looked kinda sad.
My penis was all shriveled
And protruding from its' tip
A giant hose led to a bag
To where my pee would drip.
A shot into the iv
Shot me out into space
And even with all that
Put a smile on my face.
I didn't feel the pain
I knew that there should be
Man, that was some good stuff
And it really set me free.
Some voices in the night
Checking me here and there
But, I was so out of it
I didn't really care.
The next day, up and walking
Iv and bag in tow
And thinking to myself
"Wonder when, they'll let me go?"
The Docs came, looked in on me
The nurses did their "stuff"
And by the next day
I knew, I'd had, enough.
At home at last, the second day
Much sooner than I'd thought
And dragged around a little bit
'Cause my get up and go had got.
Now the tubes, a memory
And quickly on the mend
And in time back to normal
With hope, "it" will be "hard" to bend.
But even if it's not to be
And we must add a balloon
I told the Doc I want a "big" one
To make all the ladies swoon.
No, it hasn't been much fun
But, I'd do it all again
Because if I hadn't
There'd be no way to win.
I've got a few years left in me
I hope I will get to live
And without that Doctors cutting edge
What's the alternative?

Del "Abe" Jones