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alioop 9 - 25 Feb 2006 08:23 GMT

Hubby is doing just fine 2 yrs after radiation therapy for prostate
cancer. (PSA is .02) Finally got the rectal bleeding under control, no
more diarrhea, etc. I am getting nervous, though, because he wants to
try some meds to revive our love life. He's read up on the meds and
their side effects and is willing to give it a go. I'm kind of scared
that the experience won't be what we hope for though. I'd love to get
things back to the way they used to be, but hearing about all the side
effects and painful orgasms has me rather scared to try again.

Can anyone give me some reassurance? I'm nervous as a maid at an
arranged wedding about this!

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Steve Kramer - 25 Feb 2006 12:51 GMT

> Hubby is doing just fine 2 yrs after radiation therapy for prostate
> cancer. (PSA is .02) Finally got the rectal bleeding under control, no
[quoted text clipped - 7 lines]
> Can anyone give me some reassurance? I'm nervous as a maid at an
> arranged wedding about this!

Right at the climax of my first orgasm post surgery (and I'm sure it is the
same for some RT patients) I had a deep, seering pain that seemed to eminate
from my rectom and run in more or less a straight line all the way to the
head of my penis.

But, man! Was it great to orgasm!

Subsequent orgasms were less and less painful.

So, jump on him with .... er... well, forget the simile. Just attack him.
And, if it doesn't work, don't say things like, "Aw, I was really hoping it
would work." That's what my wife did for me. Say something like, "That was
fun! When can we try again?"

Signature

PSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46
Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c
RRP 12/15/2000 G7 (3+4), T3cN0M0 Neg margins
PSA .1 .1 .1 .27 .37 .75
EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47
PSA .34 .22 .15 .21 .32
Lupron 07/03 (1 mo) 8/03 (4 mo), 12/03, 4/04, 09/04, 01/05, 5/05, 10/05,
2/06
PSA .07 .05 .06 .09 .08 .132
Non Illegitimi Carborundum

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juniper - 25 Feb 2006 16:40 GMT

> So, jump on him with .... er... well, forget the simile. Just attack him.
> And, if it doesn't work, don't say things like, "Aw, I was really hoping it
> would work." That's what my wife did for me. Say something like, "That was
> fun! When can we try again?"

Steve, you have posted on this topic a couple of times, and it is
helpful to me. I have a question about the pre-treatment period. I
think I may have been handling this less-than-perfectly. I've been
saying, "It's not important". Sex afterwards, I mean. And, in terms of
a choice between death and sex, that may be true. But I suspect this
is less than sensitive. Maybe I should be expressing more grief at the
potential loss. I've a real handicap here, in that I don't know what
its like to be a man, and don't feel that intense relationship between
sexuality and sense of self. I don't want to come off as if sex were
not important, which as I write see could give a message that
*currently* it is not important, which could be a real slam. (Thank
God he can tell I do like it.) I also don't want to sound like I would
be crushed without the same sex life we have now. Anyway, any thoughts
you have on this would be appreciated.

PS That response about the genisis of violence (brain and mouth) still
has me laughing. Perfect.

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Steve Kramer - 26 Feb 2006 00:11 GMT

> Steve, you have posted on this topic a couple of times, and it is
> helpful to me. I have a question about the pre-treatment period. I
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> its like to be a man, and don't feel that intense relationship between
> sexuality and sense of self.

Juniper, sex after RRP is usually a matter of discovery... almost like you
were 21 again and trying it out for the first time ("21" is usually the safe
expression). He will find that he can bring you to tremendous climaxes,
maybe better that you have ever had, without penetration. And, you if you
are devilish enough, can wind him up like a play toy and watch him explode
(not literally, of course -- and not in the normal context of sex talk).
Then, eventually, he will regain his former abilties and you will have a
library of other tools and processes from which to choose. Many men have
claimed here that sex is the best they have ever had.

Instead of saying that sex means nothing to you, you can honestly tell Steve
that RP is not going to stop his, or your, sex life.

> PS That response about the genisis of violence (brain and mouth) still
> has me laughing. Perfect.

Studies have shown that laughter really is medicine, if not the best
medicine. The Partin Tables ought to include it as a criterion.

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juniper - 26 Feb 2006 02:30 GMT

> Studies have shown that laughter really is medicine, if not the best
> medicine. The Partin Tables ought to include it as a criterion.

Well, besides the *perfect* touch of dry humor, I admired the way you
defused the post. I've noticed that before on this list. Someone was
so awful, I swore I would never read his posts again nor would I
respond no matter how dire his need. (That was after I cancelled a
couple of blistering replies.) But several of you guys did respond,
and turned it around. Turned him around, too, and his further postings
were a bit more human, if still weird. This kind of goes beyond the
usual "we all have our strenghts, let someone else take over when you
can't do it" thing. I actually had a change of perspective, watching.
(And controlling my mouth [fingers in this case]). Which, I did not
control my mouth when Clarence posted in all innocence. (However, I am
obviously selective, since he could take it.) Uh, obviously I've had
some wine tonight, guess I'll quit posting till tomorrow, when I can be
all sedate and such.... Alioop, best to you and thanks for posting. I
have no idea what it's like, but I imagine I'll be there soon enough.
Good luck and have fun!

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Steve Kramer - 26 Feb 2006 11:06 GMT

>> Studies have shown that laughter really is medicine, if not the best
>> medicine. The Partin Tables ought to include it as a criterion.

> Well, besides the *perfect* touch of dry humor, I admired the way you
> defused the post. I've noticed that before on this list. Someone was
> so awful, I swore I would never read his posts again nor would I
> respond no matter how dire his need. (That was after I cancelled a
> couple of blistering replies.)

Typing blistering replies and never sending them is an excellent way to deal
with the fact that the only commonality among those here is that they or
theirs have prostate cancer and, upon entry, are scared to death. That
means you get doctors, pipefitters, firefighters, military, lawyers,
unemployed, white, black, Italian, communists, socialists, egotists, bigots,
one racist, Catholics, Jews, agnostics and every other imaginable
combination of factions except, if there still be any, the person who can't
get to a computer.

However, there is a danger. Once you've typed it, the hurt it may cause is
only a SEND button away.

And you really can't snipe at anyone here about anything associated with
them without chancing affecting someone else. If you take a bite out of a
liberal, you inadvertently take one out of Leonard, one of the more renowned
members here. You touch on Christians or Americans, you tread on me and
mine. And don't get me started about Heather. Used to be, we could make
fun of the French, but now we have a French patient posting. I think
Nigerians are still safe, however.

Fortunately, the very caustic don't last long here.

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Leonard Evens - 25 Feb 2006 20:14 GMT

I was impotent for 18 months following surgery during which time I used
a pump. Since then I've been managing with Viagra and sometimes with
nothing. Perhaps my wife is faking it, but she seems to be quite happy
with the results. I don't think she is that good an actress. That is
not to say there aren't problems at times, but most of them are mine,
and generally we are satisfied with the experience.

My advice is to be supportive, don't expect any specific result, and be
willing to experiment to see what works. If you keep at it, you should
find what works for both of you.

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KenA - 25 Feb 2006 21:49 GMT

Maybe approach the whole thing with minimal expectations - sort of a 'Let's see what
happens...' and a sense of humor when things don't happen or are different. I think
it was the Everly Brothers who once had a song something like "Wake Up Little Willie,
Wake Up!" (or was that "Little Susie"... <sly grin>)
HTH.
KenA
=====

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Tom - 25 Feb 2006 21:53 GMT

The side effects of ED drugs are not a big deal at all and well worth
it if they work. I've tried all three. They work best on a not too full
stomach and go very well with a bottle of shared wine. It also helps to
have some Afrin on hand. Someone here recently mentioned painful
orgasms but I think that was post surgery. I had surgery 5 months ago
and orgasms are as least as good with or without an erection. Your
husband probably already knows how his feel, maybe that's why he's
ready to start again. Resuming love making after treatment is a little
scary, it was for my wife and I. It turned out to be a lot fun then we
expected even though it was far from perfect. Relax, go slow and don't
forget the wine. All the best.

Tom

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Glassman - 26 Feb 2006 06:42 GMT

Couple of things here. He's the one that is perfectly willing to give it a
try. Try to be supportive, and stop worrying. Men will jump into hell itself
for a shot at the "goodies". Geez how many of us have done really dumb
things for a simple peek at "paradise by the dashboard light? What's a
little pain, (if it even happens at all), when it comes right down to what
he'll get in return?
Secondly, I had surgery not seeds, but I started trying for orgasms
immediately as soon as my cath was removed, and never had any pain
whatsoever. The side effects of the drugs are pretty minor in my opinion.
Have fun!

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