On December 30, 2005, Thomas Michael Witte, Lt Cdr USN (retd) lost at
last his struggle with prostate cancer.

I did not have the honor of knowing him, but some folks here may have
been acquainted with Tom Witte.

His posts on PPML were an inspiration to me. He worked devotedly to help
his brothers and sisters in adversity, including trudging the halls of
Congress trying to secure adequate funding for PCa research.

I have pasted below a 2002 post by Tom that should give some insight
into this extraordinary man.

Regards,

Steve J

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Me too. I was diagnosed with Stage IV prostate cancer (PSA 27,
Gleason 8, one bone met) but I was 47 back in 96.

I am not sure if I was depressed, but being categorized as a terminal
patient sure made an impact. I think I just became more numb. I am
not sure if the was the words or the way medical people would look at
me after they looked at my records.

Back then I listened to Doctors, they told me there was nothing I
could do but to enjoy the time I had left. I later figured out what
they meant was there was nothing 'they' could do.

They also told me to save 'hormones' for when the pain got bad. THIS
IS/WAS REALLY BAD ADVICE.

I stayed in this 'walking dead man' mode for about two years. I lived
the comment "He has little motivation to go beyond his comfort
zone...". I shrunk my world.

What changed me. Pain.

By the summer of 98 pain and fatigue, drove me back for them
'hormones'. In Aug 98 with a PSA of 413.x and lots of bone mets I
started Flutamide and Lupron, only to find while they stopped
progression and put things to sleep, I still hurt.

This drove me to look for better/ more information and I arrived here
and on to Dr Strum.

Dr Strum and some of the people here were the first to offer hope. To
offer things I COULD DO. And you know what - It is working. I am
still here.  I was 'suppose to' die a year or so ago.

So what can I offer to your father.

#1. There is hope.

There are new things every month. And even if no new happens, if he
works it, he can have MANY GOOD years with what is already here (I am
proof of that!). See Dr Strums stuff for things to do.

#2. Think differently.

When he thinks "why bother", Instead of thinking, 'I may be dead by
then'. Think "I may be alive."

Start a new game - look for the joy in the moment.

Accept his/your mortality. Accept we are all going to die. Then
discuss what you want to achieve between now and then.

Remind him we may not have much say about when we die, but we have
LOTS of choices until then. Choose wisely.

[I am reminded of TAG line used by one of our brothers. It was
something like this:]

[A man asked God how much time he had left. God answered, "Time
enough to make a difference."]

Spend quite time with him and listen. I, who NEVER Listened, did this
as my father ended his final days and found my father, who never
talked, wanted to talk of his youth.  Wow what a gift.

You may have to prime the pump with the right questions from now to
now but otherwise keep quite.

Maybe a way to start this is to grab those old family photos we all
have, and ask Dad to help id all the people in them.

#3. Exercise.

The only thing I do these days is walk. Part of me hates it. It
screams I got a car, I don't have time, etc. But I always find once I
get out the door and past the corner, the path is easy. And fun. I
always feel better after a walk. Everything is better after a walk.

Walk with him. Stop and look at the flower (things)  you see on your
way. Find the joy in them.

#4 Pray/meditate

I find this really helps. It helps put all into a better context. And
another way to get better.

Someone said "We pray not to change God, but to change ourselves."

Hope this helps.

Tom Witte