 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Prostate Cancer / December 2005A Bitter-Sweet Urologist Visit
As I posted previously, my 1 year post op PSA checkup on 12/7/2005 was "just what the doctor ordered" with a measurement of < 0.01. I remain cancer free. I spent a tense hour in the urologist office waiting room before my appointment. While I was there... A good friend, who was diagnosed and underwent an LRP about a month after me, emerged from the exam room with head lowered. I asked him how it went. He told me it was his second "out of limits" PSA reading in two months, the first 0.2 and the second, today's, at 0.4. The receptionist piped in "I'm just the messenger". Dejectly he exited toward the oncology center next door to set up his appointments for salvage radiation treatment, well aware that it was to be his last "cure" option. He is 4 years younger than I. I didn't know the guy whose appointment was just before mine. He was about my age or a bit younger, I would guess. He was obviously nervous as he waited. He kept shaking his head from side to side. He was called in just a few minutes before me, seeing the other oncologist in this partnership. When I exited my exam room, with big grin, he was standing at the receptionist's window. She had just given him the tell-tale biopsy prep kit and was discussing his activies before that hard-to-contemplate appointment. His frustration and fear were pervasive and finally got the better of him. As he exited he gave the "I've had it up to here" sign. The receptionist simply bowed her head. My grin dissapeared. I'd been so damned into myself that I'd forgotten to consider how lucky I am, and that there are so many others who are so much less fortunate. My journey through the world of cancer has changed me profoundly. I have experienced a quantum leap in my conceptualization and respect for life, in all its forms. I've stopped drinking! Yeh, I'm an alcoholic, recovering now, with the help of great friends and counselors. I've listened a lot more and preached a lot less. I'm increasingly involved with my community. I wonder how many of you have done this. As I entered the operating room for my LRP in January of 2005, I made a promise. To myself? To God? Who knows, but it was a promise. I promised that if I made it through this, I would dedicate a significant part of my future efforts to helping those with Cancer, particularly Prostate Cancer, who were less fortunate than I. Have any of you done something similar? I'll bet many of you have! I started with great gusto, joined support groups, sent money to LAF and others, wrote guest editorials for the local paper, began a local cancer survivors Blog. But I fizzled. Probably I got too extended. But most importantly, I wasn't giving myself - I was doing mechanical things - personal involvement, yes - personal committment, no. So now it looks like there's a good chance I'm gonna be OK. There are so many others that are not. I'm going to try to start again. I'm not wealthy. Far from it. That's precisely the point. Giving "money" is, in effect, what I was doing. Just another way of avoiding the personal touch, and opting for "feel good" actions. I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm looking for ideas if you folks have any. Somehow, I've got to keep that promise. Somehow, I've got to say "Thank You" . Somehow, I got to say it the right way. To all you folks in this NG: THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Pops: You are a kind and considerate man to even post this experience, not to mention even noticing (and caring) about the troubles of others. I too am seeing my doc on 12/9. I could not wait, so I got the results yesterday by phone and the news was the same as yours. I too had pretty sobering experiences this past year about true friendships. Those who really care and those who do not. Those who make believe that they care by going through all of the motions of a caring person on their own terms, and not to be there for you when you may need them the most. It can be a very very lonely and anxiety producing time. It certainly was for me. I've eliminated certain people from my life that I thought were my friends, while all the time they were not. It was a difficult thing to do, because I am a bit of an altruist almost to my own detriment, or so I've been told anyway. As for what you personally can do to contribute in a positive way is to start again. You answered your own question. I would love to be the person who discovers a cure for pca, as well as for other dieases, but I do not think that is going to happen in this lifetime. I think that you will find the way to help, no matter how small. Even if it is continuing to post as you do, because you have just helped me. B.A. It was sobering for me to see the reaction of some of my "friends" when I told them I had cancer. Some emails never were answered. One just sat there looking at me like I was telling something too personal. One of my work friends whose grandfather, uncle, and father had PCa, told me not to underestimate the power of that word cancer. Guess he was right. I was, and still am, disappointed by some of the reactions that I experienced. That is one reason I am so at home here I think. > Pops: > [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > > B.A. > It was sobering for me to see the reaction of some of my "friends" when I > told them I had cancer. Some emails never were answered. One just sat > there looking at me like I was telling something too personal. One of my > work friends whose grandfather, uncle, and father had PCa, told me not to > underestimate the power of that word cancer. Guess he was right. I was, > and still am, disappointed by some of the reactions that I experienced. Look at the HUGE variety of reactions we see here to such things as initial cancer diagnoses (try TWO of them!), quarterly PSA checks, poor long-term prognoses, SEs, etc. Assessments range from "Crap; one more damned nuisance to schedule in with fixing the fence, doing taxes, and shopping for Christmas" to "This could be SERIOUS" to "OHMYGODTHESKYISFALLING!!!". Different strokes for different blokes. I.P. > Those who make believe that they care by going through all of the motions > of a caring person on their own terms, and not to be there for you when > you may need them the most. It can be a very very lonely and anxiety > producing time. It certainly was for me. I've eliminated certain people > from my life that I thought were my friends, while all the time they were > not. But how do you define "being there"? Maybe your definition or expectation is very different from those you thought were friends, who in fact are fulfilling THEIR definition of being there. My closest friend recently had his first son, after almost losing his twin daughters at their birth three years ago. A mutual friend notified me of the son's birth, but did I phone my bud to congratulate him? Of course not -- he's swamped. He'll call me when he gets a couple of minutes to take a deep breath and maybe catch some sleep. Was ignoring him "being there"? You bet . . . in my book . . . in that I didn't make him put down three other urgent tasks and run to the phone. etc. etc. I.P. No, I mean that this one friend in particular said that he imagined seeing me in a coffin. Real helpful. The kind of people that would throw you an anchor if you were drowning. You know what I mean. Pretty cut and dry. > No, I mean that this one friend in particular said that he imagined seeing > me in a coffin. Real helpful. The kind of people that would throw you an > anchor if you were drowning. You know what I mean. Pretty cut and dry. Or it was simply his knee-jerk reaction to the "C" word, he was honest about it, and the reaction scared him so much he couldn't say much else. Definitely a weird reaction and comment, but what it means is anybody's guess. If you thought you were friends before, maybe it's worth clarifying. It's obvious that some people are paralyzed by any aspect of this stuff. I.P. I thought so too, but he said it again to me a few weeks later at my nephew's wedding reception! (Luckily for him there was a long table between us as he was leaving). This guy has some issues. For example. I was talking to him on the phone about another older man that I know from the gym that needed procedure done having something to do with his heart. No hospital or doctor would do it for fear of killing him. I mentioned to the older man about the hospital facility that I was going to for my RLRP and they had him in and out in one day. He was really grateful. When I tried to tell my other "friend" about it he said "I don't want to talk about sick people". After this, basically it was 3 strikes and your outta here for me. I maybe a lot of things, but being hard to get along with is not one of them. There are some other stories too, although not quite as blatantly vicious. Now it's starting to make sense. The guy has some genuine emotional issues, and they're not your problem. I.P. >I thought so too, but he said it again to me a few weeks later at my >nephew's wedding reception! (Luckily for him there was a long table between [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >a lot of things, but being hard to get along with is not one of them. There >are some other stories too, although not quite as blatantly vicious. Thanks Pops, Dan  SignaturePSA = 2.2 , 03/05/2003 PSA = 7.92, 09/30/2004, @ 54 Biopsy, 11/10/2004, G9(5+4) (multiple cores) (6 of 8 cores positive), T1C EBRT, 01-03/2005 @55 Casodex (daily), begin. 11/16/2004 Zoladex, 12/23/2004, 03/10/2005, 06/14/2005, 09/14/2005 PSA, 0.1, <0.1, <0.1 > As I posted previously, my 1 year post op PSA checkup on 12/7/2005 was > "just what the doctor ordered" with a measurement of < 0.01. I remain [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > > To all you folks in this NG: THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I remind myself all the time that there are some here that are facing death and how lucky I was to have this detected early and hopefully only have to deal with the incontinence and impotence issues. One of my biggest concerns is that my attempts at humor will be misinterpreted by some due to the fact that there are so many here who have to deal with the threats from rising PSA's, metastases, families in crisis, etc. You are a good man Pops. Thank you for your post. Congratulations on your undetectable. David S. great post pops and great numbers too. > As I posted previously, my 1 year post op PSA checkup on 12/7/2005 was > "just what the doctor ordered" with a measurement of < 0.01. I remain [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > > To all you folks in this NG: THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Pops. Your post is very thought provoking. In my life, some the worst things I have been through have taught me valuable things I would probably not have learned otherwise. Steve U hi pops - had something similar. just wasn't a person i knew. i was at the urology dept for my follow up visit. i know the routine that my surgeon uses. he has both husband and wife in his office when he delivers the bad news - he takes as long as needed to answer any questions. he is a very caring person in that respect. so, as i was sitting in the waiting room, a couple came out. you could read it on their faces. the husband was in shock. the wife was in disbelief. as the came up to the reception desk to make an appt., she starts blurting out, he's NOT going to have surgery. he husband is just standing there - no saying a word. the doctor said, "a decision doesn't have to be made right now. i can set up with an appt to see a radiologist" the wife came back with, "yes, he'll have the radiation, but NOT the surgery" as i was sitting there, i really felt bad for the husband. here he is........ just got told and his world is falling apart before his very eyes........ and here's his wife, barking out orders of what he should do and like he doesn't have a say in it. and from her voice and her actions there were two things that was made very obvious -even to the most causal observer. one, she had no knowledge of the disease and two, she wanted action taken and she wanted it NOW!!!!. and the disease wasn't even her body........ ~ curtis knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional "Many more men die with prostate cancer than of it. Growing old is invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so." http://community.webtv.net/PALMER_ENT/doc > I wonder how many of you have done this. As I entered the operating > room for my LRP in January of 2005, I made a promise. To myself? To [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Have any of you done something similar? Short term -- I come here almost every day Mid term -- I promised (Who? God.) that I would read the Bible and maybe even write a book about it. Long term -- When I retire, I hope to learn something about HTML (XML, Java, Javascript?) programming and helping Caren with www. Phoenix5.org. > I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm looking for ideas if you folks > have any. Does a former director of Kodak have any website experience? > I started with great gusto, joined support groups, sent money to LAF > and others, wrote guest editorials for the local paper, began a local [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I'm going to try to start again. > I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm looking for ideas Other than rushing off to the hospital to hold pts' hands, what else is there you've not done? I wanted to join a live support group, but there is none in my small city of 150,000. I'd say spending time here beyond asking questions for your own edification, writing editorials, the Blog -- those ARE commitments . . . of your time. We can't actually fix anyone; isn't all we CAN do is increase awareness and alertness, try to point new pts to facts that will help them make informed decisions, give them specfic emotional and logistical coping tips, commiserate when things don't go well, and point out the BRIGHT side of PC? What's the BRIGHT side of being told we probably have only 8 -10 years of life left? Well, that sounded pretty GOOD to me, given that the previous words out of his mouth were, "You have cancer". What's GOOD about the prospect of wearing diapers the whole time? It beats the hell out of actually feeling SICK for 8-10 years. What's good about an RP? I still have two other treatment aces up my sleeve. What's good about having PC? Well, it could have been pancreatic cancer. Putting this stuff in perspective is IMPORTANT, IMO. THAT we can all do. I.P. Pops, Thank you for sharing. You have given back just by contributing as a member of this group. Best wishes Dave P > As I posted previously, my 1 year post op PSA checkup on 12/7/2005 was > "just what the doctor ordered" with a measurement of < 0.01. I remain [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > > To all you folks in this NG: THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. > Have any of you done something similar? I'll bet many of you have! I've vowed to be less of an idiot. As much less as I can manage, but, being an idiot, my abilities are a tad limited. > As I posted previously, my 1 year post op PSA checkup on 12/7/2005 was > "just what the doctor ordered" with a measurement of < 0.01. I remain [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > While I was there... You don't owe anyone a thing just because you got yourself cured. Leave the guilt at the door. The only thing you can do is make a conscious decision to help others who ask for it. I find myself counseling anonymous emailers all the time. I try to give back here, as I was a taker 3 years ago. The student becomes the teacher. Signature"I'm not pompous and agrogant, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories Pops brought up an all to familiar topic when he was saddened by seeing the 'other guy' get the tough news at the uro's office...especially after getting a good report for himself. A month or so ago, I had posted something about how I felt changed by the surgery. (more than the obvious) :-) Where I used to be sarcastic, I lost the urge to put folks down. I am tolerant of everyone and everything. (again, within reason) I go out of my way to be helpful and am much more emotional. After this post...Steve Kramer responded with a very eloquent post about "Paying it forward'. I had it, lost it, and due to the nature of the groups...it dropped off the board. (Probably available in archives) But it was very powerful and spoke of helping folks when possible. Well...Pops...you are indeed 'paying it forward.' Best to all, Ron B. Chicago A beautiful posting Pops. Thanks. Alan |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2008 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.