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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Prostate Cancer / December 2005New partner and PCa?
Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly dating after having RP and some degree of erectile dysfunction? I know how difficult it can be when the mind is willing, but the flesh isn't. With hormone therapy the drive is affected, but not so with surgery. Complicating the issue is the fact that most of us are already in our 50's. How do you handle it? Full disclosure on first meeting? Wait until you're ready to pounce? How did the woman react to it all, and how important was it to her?  Signature"I'm not pompous, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios http://www.sinrodstudios.com/ Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories/ I would thing that once you and your new "partner" are at the point where you are going to have sex, the topic of PCa would have already come up. But then again, I'm a bit old fashioned and believe that 2 people should know eachother prior to having sex - and I'm not yet in my 50's. Sandy K. > Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly dating > after having RP and some degree of erectile dysfunction? I know how [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > ready to pounce? How did the woman react to it all, and how important was it > to her? My step-son tells me that eighth graders do not consider blow jobs to be "sex". Things have changed and I was born out of sync with the fun. When I was in college, weight under control and interested, I could not get a date to save my life. Now, late 50's, limp dic that just sits there and drools, overweight, I can't go in the grocery store without catching some gal giving me a look over. Maybe it is something in the water? > I would thing that once you and your new "partner" are at the point where > you are going to have sex, the topic of PCa would have already come up. But [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > it > > to her? It would be very unfair to let a new, potentially sexual, friendship go anywhere emotionally without clarifying any sexual disabilities we have, lest one party get hurt unnecessarily. And I wouldn't consider even serious kissing, let alone sex, until we both produce a clean bill of STD health. To do otherwise in today's STD scenario would be foolish . . . unless we figure we're living on borrowed time anyway and may as well enjoy it to the max rather than scaring people away with safeguards. I.P. Spoken like a guy with only one sex partner -- a faithful one, at that -- in the past 36 years. I am amazed by all of your answers. You are a thoughtful bunch!! I debated about adding my 2 cents worth, but damn....you guys basically said it first. There are a lot of things that factor into the answer to JK's question....and for one of you to say that the woman just might have her own *set of problems* was extremely insightful. As these posts are archived, I will not put anything too personal out here, but I have to say that most women's reactions just might surprise you. There is more to life and love than sex, in other words. Btw....if you are single, Sandy....I have a gorgeous single 42 year old who thinks like you do.....chuckle. Just joshing you.....well, not really. (G) Cheers...Heather >I would thing that once you and your new "partner" are at the point where > you are going to have sex, the topic of PCa would have already come up. [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > it >> to her? Yes, I agree, good point about this being a two way street and the woman may have some secrets too. As to the welcome recognition of our thoughtfulness, I think that is basically exemplified by the general tenor of this ng. Overall this is really a great group of people, caring, considerate, serious about the subject yet tolerant of the humor. In my experience at least, this group is truly an exception to the general rule of what else is out there. Just my two cents. Happy Holidays gang. 2006 seems to be as good a year as any for a cure. > I am amazed by all of your answers. You are a thoughtful bunch!! I debated > about adding my 2 cents worth, but damn....you guys basically said it first. [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > > it > >> to her? > this group is truly an exception to the general rule > of what else is out there. Yeah, but other than MAYBE at the office, we can avoid or at least ignore the exceptions. I.P. Sorry Heather - just returned from Amsterdam celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary with my lovely bride. Haven't been single for a long, long time..... Sandy K. > I am amazed by all of your answers. You are a thoughtful bunch!! I debated > about adding my 2 cents worth, but damn....you guys basically said it first. [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > > it > >> to her? How lovely, Sandy. Congratulations on your 25th anniversary......our 45th is coming up for us next June. We celebrated our 25th in Spain and I would love to go back there. We have been to various parts of Spain 3 times. Heather > Sorry Heather - just returned from Amsterdam celebrating our 25th wedding > anniversary with my lovely bride. Haven't been single for a long, long [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >> >> Cheers...Heather We took our vows about 30 years and 60 minutes ago. SignaturePSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46 Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c RRP 12/15/2000 G7 (3+4), T3cN0M0 Neg margins PSA .1 .1 .1 .27 .37 .75 EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47 PSA .34 .22 .15 .21 .32 Lupron 07/03 (1 mo) 8/03 (4 mo), 12/03, 4/04, 09/04, 01/05, 5/05, 10/05 PSA .07 .05 .06 .05 .08 Non Illegitimi Carborundum > How lovely, Sandy. Congratulations on your 25th anniversary......our 45th > is coming up for us next June. We celebrated our 25th in Spain and I [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] >>> >>> Cheers...Heather HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY!! Heather, (muttering to herself and asking "what in hell is he doing on the computer on his 30th anniversary....mumble, etc.) > We took our vows about 30 years and 60 minutes ago. > [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] >>>> >>>> Cheers...Heather > HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY!! > > Heather, (muttering to herself and asking "what in hell is he doing on the > computer on his 30th anniversary....mumble, etc.) I didn't say it was a happy marriage ;-) Besides, you know about me and Lupron. > How lovely, Sandy. Congratulations on your 25th anniversary......our 45th > is coming up for us next June. We celebrated our 25th in Spain and I would > love to go back there. We have been to various parts of Spain 3 times. > > Heather 45 years? Oh my goodness Heather.... I think my wife, of ONLY 28 years, and I surely will kill each other if we ever get nearly that far. Signature"I'm not pompous, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios http://www.sinrodstudios.com/ Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories/ >> How lovely, Sandy. Congratulations on your 25th anniversary......our >> 45th [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > 45 years? Oh my goodness Heather.... I think my wife, of ONLY 28 years, > and I surely will kill each other if we ever get nearly that far. LOL!! Trust me, it actually gets easier. Ron is part Spanish and we both have rather quick tempers. (G) It is amazing how we all change the longer we are together. Cheers...Heather Wow Sandy, that's very cool. My girlfriend was a kid there during the war (my own Anne Frank). She and her family had to hide from the nazis among other things.. But now...Amsterdam is so 'open'...did you visit any of the "God's Herb" coffeeshops? :-) I KNOW...with your lovely bride...that you didn't go near the neon-framed 'ladies in the windows.' I've asked my girlfriend if she wanted me to take her back...and though it was her childhood...she's not sure. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I'm just so grateful to be here to even TALK about it. Best of health, Ron B. Chicago If you are able to have an erection at all I would not say anything and play it by ear. If things progress normally, then no problem. If you are unable to sustain a useable erection then just satisfy her orally. I would think she would appreciate your willingness to put her gratification above your own and be more sympathetic about the ED problem. Do you still use the Viagra? Is it not working for you any more? I am not in a situation like this, but I must admit that I have thought a lot about what I would do if I were. I am looking forward to reading the responses to your question. > Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly dating > after having RP and some degree of erectile dysfunction? I know how [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > ready to pounce? How did the woman react to it all, and how important was it > to her? "Buttercup's Dad" <Buttercupsdad@dog.net> wrote in message news:dn7g8e$v53> I am not in a situation like this, but I must admit that I have thought a > lot about what I would do if I were. I am looking forward to reading the > responses to your question. I'm not in this situation either, but reason is exactly my motivation for asking it. We're at an age now where we see lots of happily married couples becoming singles due to divorce & untimely deaths. The thought kind of popped into my head about how I would handle it. Signature"I'm not pompous and agrogant, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories > Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly > dating [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > it > to her? By the time we get into our 50's PCa as well as many other problems could be affecting our sexual function. The lady may also have a problem in this area. So part of the conversations early on during the course of "getting to know each other better" or "pre-pounce" could include at least generalizations about health condition. Specifics may or may not be necessary depending upon how much one knows about ailments of the opposite sex. Waiting to disclose these problems until "mid-pounce" could be be a problem. Good Luck and "Happy Pouncing". >Full disclosure on first meeting? Wait until you're >ready to pounce? How did the woman react to it all, and how important was it >to her? I say full disclosure, but not necesarily on the first meeting. Play it by ear. If you REALLY like her and think something will develope, then tell her early on. When I was thirty seven, I met a woman who, on our first date, told me she had breast cancer and a modified radical mastectomy. Two years later I married that amazingly wonderful woman. I think it depends on where you are and how you're doing. In your case, you're undetectable for 3 years. So, you're safe with the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. At some point, if you follow up with dates, you cancer is going to come up. Very soon after that, so will your sexual capabilities. I would not say the same thing about me. I think if I were to date, I should make sure that it is made clear from the beginning that it is a short term prospect. SignaturePSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46 Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c RRP 12/15/2000 G7 (3+4), T3cN0M0 Neg margins PSA .1 .1 .1 .27 .37 .75 EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47 PSA .34 .22 .15 .21 .32 Lupron 07/03 (1 mo) 8/03 (4 mo), 12/03, 4/04, 09/04, 01/05, 5/05, 10/05 PSA .07 .05 .06 .05 .08 Non Illegitimi Carborundum > Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly > dating [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > it > to her? "short term prospect"? I don't like the tone of that Steve. The bastard may be on the move, but there is a long way to go before we have to recruit a new membership director. > I think it depends on where you are and how you're doing. In your case, > you're undetectable for 3 years. So, you're safe with the 'don't ask, don't [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > it > > to her? I consider marriage as a long-term prospect (current one going on 30). I doubt that I will be burying one wife, let alone two. Ergo.... SignaturePSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46 Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c RRP 12/15/2000 G7 (3+4), T3cN0M0 Neg margins PSA .1 .1 .1 .27 .37 .75 EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47 PSA .34 .22 .15 .21 .32 Lupron 07/03 (1 mo) 8/03 (4 mo), 12/03, 4/04, 09/04, 01/05, 5/05, 10/05 PSA .07 .05 .06 .05 .08 Non Illegitimi Carborundum > "short term prospect"? I don't like the tone of that Steve. The bastard > may be on the move, but there is a long way to go before we have to [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] >> > it >> > to her? I would not tell a soul. You love a person first for their smile, then for their willingness to go to dinner. You love a person for their being. You enjoy conversation. After all you may be surprised what info "she may be keeping at bay" So, date, love your new friend, and when it gets time for intamacy, explain a few things. Is she in love with you for a large hardon, or a nice man to live with? Does Viagra work? Anyway, share that info when the time is right. Kisses, hugs, passion, can still happen. John Loomis > Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly > dating [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > it > to her? >I would not tell a soul. STRONG disagreement from me. What if she wants kids of her own, or even just likes a full sex life? Is it even REMOTELY moral to let her fall in love before springing THAT little surprise on her? I.P. >>I would not tell a soul. > > STRONG disagreement from me. What if she wants kids of her own, or even just > likes a full sex life? Is it even REMOTELY moral to let her fall in love > before springing THAT little surprise on her? Think forward, there is a Resurrection, after which there is a rather looooooong time for all good things. That said, I think the "I would never tell" really means "I would never trust". If she wants kids of her own there are several options: your seed (extracted via needle from epidydimus or previously frozen), seed donors you raise with her, in-eutero or post-partum adoptions, and possibly more I haven't thought of. "A full sex life" is a mis-nomer... it isn't full without affection more important than the sex. I don't mind accepting what my wife is willing and able to share, and I'm not above soliciting her with whatever works; if the answer is no, the world has not fallen down. Further thoughts available on request. > If she wants kids of her own there are several options: your seed > (extracted via needle from epidydimus or previously frozen), seed donors [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > and able to share, and I'm not above soliciting her with whatever works; > if the answer is no, the world has not fallen down. But if you're buying a new 'Vette off the showroom floor, you'd want to know before signing the purchase contract whether it had the Z06 engine or a Briggs & Stratton under the hood. I.P. >> If she wants kids of her own there are several options: your seed >> (extracted via needle from epidydimus or previously frozen), seed donors [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > I.P. But nuthin! The analogy you've employed here underscores the frame of mind that marriage is to acquire someTHING useful. If you're the kind of guy who goes to a showroom to find a bride, there are photo-webs full of them. Happy disillusionment. "I would never tell a soul" (which you responded to in the negative) means "I would never trust a soul" (suggestive to me of a defective relationship). You answered that disclosure is important and good, and I agree. The physical condition (meaning cancer/epilepsy/Hodgekins) of a woman is as poor a criterion for marriage as the length of the dick of the man. Self-neglect or self-abuse are significant, which will manifest in the flesh to some extent, so being blind to her condition is not enjoined. (this goose-sauce is also gander-sauce btw). So: I'd employ the meter-stick that, if I'm uncomfortable telling this woman that I'm (physically) damaged goods, then I'm uncomfortable trusting her with the reality of me. Time to re-study the type of interest I have towards her. I've also been with the same partner for 30 years, so I really wondered how I would handle it? My past experiences have been very much sexually dominated, from a young mans perspective. I think I would have to completely re-evaluate my strategy with a whole new set of rules. Yes I did say strategy. I think that you need to agressively seek out a partner. Now I'd have to find one that is even more than perfect! > "I'm not pompous, I'm SNARKY" > JK Sinrod > Sinrod Stained Glass Studios > http://www.sinrodstudios.com/ > Coney Island Memories > www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories/ Here's a thought. What about the computer dating services? You have to fill out some kind of detailed survey for them to match you up with a suitable partner. Do you reveal all the facts in there about the cancer, the surgery, and the side effects? If you do not, is that being deceitful? > Just curious but has anyone been in a postion where they were newly dating > after having RP and some degree of erectile dysfunction? I know how [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > ready to pounce? How did the woman react to it all, and how important was it > to her? > Here's a thought. What about the computer dating services? You have to > fill out some kind of detailed survey for them to match you up with a > suitable partner. Do you reveal all the facts in there about the cancer, > the surgery, and the side effects? If you do not, is that being > deceitful? Let's rephrase that: Is omitting important, relevant information -- the same information you've asked THEM to provide -- deceitful? Or how about this: Would she be deceitful in omitting the fact that she could neither have intercourse or conceive, and had chronic PMS and a life expectancy of 10 years. I think the answer is self-evident. I.P. Tell us what you really think I.P. (that was a joke). The way you characterize it the answer is self evident, but I'm not so sure. I've heard divorced and widowed women say that all they want is someone to go out to dinner with once in awhile, not a serious relationship that would possible lead to marriage. I've never used a dating service, but my guess is that there are people who do that are mainly interested in just meeting people and let the relationship go on from there. I suppose a part of it would be to be clear in the application what you want. If you want a sexual relationship indicate such, if what you want is a friend, just say so. In any case, I hope this remains just a hypothetical. The thought of having to return to the dating scene scares me. > > Here's a thought. What about the computer dating services? You have to > > fill out some kind of detailed survey for them to match you up with a [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > I.P. If I were to become single again, the first thing I would do is sign up for online dating services. I know scores of couples that have met this way, including my children. All have wonderful serious relationships from meeting online. Some of us old farts smirk at it, but it's really a great way to meet. It's 100% better than asking friends to be fixed up, or meeting at a bar the way our generation did it. As for the survey and full disclosure or not, I don't think I would rush to include it right at the start. I would joke about it as soon as it looked like there was some chemistry going on, and then quickly reach for the vitamin V. Those of you that cannot get erect at all, may want to tastefully include what kind of relationship you're looking for sooner than later. Signature"I'm not pompous, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios http://www.sinrodstudios.com/ Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories/ > If I were to become single again, the first thing I would do is sign up > for online dating services. I know scores of couples that have met this way, > including my children. Your children met this way? Dude... Too much information! > > If I were to become single again, the first thing I would do is sign up > > for online dating services. I know scores of couples that have met this way, [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Dude... Too much information! I love it when you call me dude! Signature"I'm not pompous and agrogant, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories In discussing computer dating and full disclosure... JK, the Glassman wrote: "Those of you that cannot get erect at all, may want to tastefully include what kind of relationship you're looking for sooner than later." And how might that go? Something like... "So, Brenda, how do you feel about noodles?" :-) Also JK...do you like 'dude' better than 'Snarkmeister'? :-) Best of health, Ron B. Chicago > In discussing computer dating and full disclosure... > [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > > Chicago How about this..... "so Brenda I gotta tell ya, I'm strictly a tongue man. No not what you get at the kosher deli".....or ..... "sure I like a little fish as well, but sorry no tartar sauce"..... I think she'll get the message. If not you may have to tell her you won't be playing hide the salami. As far as your pet name for me, I'm really easy, and will answer to anything except James Browns "sex machine". Signature"I'm not pompous and agrogant, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories So....JK.....what the hell is "agrogant?" Love & kisses, Steve J "Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." --Joseph Campbell Oh, oh.....someone else as nitpicky as I am about English....we are in trouble, grin. Perhaps he has coined a new word that means "feisty in the fields" or some such. That kinda fits. JK is more 'feisty' than arrogant/snarky. XX Figgs, playing "To Know Him Is To Love Him, by the Teddy Bears", lol. So....JK.....what the hell is "agrogant?" Love & kisses, Steve J "Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." --Joseph Campbell Ok, I might as well get this over with. :-) For Heather and Steve J. and anyone else who might good naturedly question it... Because I use a wireless keyboard...sometimes I miss a letter cuz it doesn't pick up. So I have written... 'Good health to all' or 'Best to all'...and sometimes it comes out... 'Best to Al' So unless I proofread...I expect to someday see a post saying... "Who's Al?" :-) Also, maybe 'agrogant' is some sort of agricultural term. Maybe like a 'flower picker' or 'tiller of soil' Huh? No? Ok then... Best to Al, :-) Ron B. Chicago So....JK.....what the hell is "agrogant?" Love & kisses, Steve J Is it someone that plants with an attitude? You'd think I would have corrected this after all this time huh? -- "I'm not pompous and arrogant, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories Quoting me: > So....JK.....what the hell is "agrogant?" > > Love & kisses, > > Steve J He replied: > Is it someone that plants with an attitude? You'd think I would > have corrected this after all this time huh? [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories > <http://www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories> Oh, I feel ever so much better, now! ;-) Regards, Steve J Oh, I feel ever so much better, now! ;-) Regards, Steve J I only wish I could make my wife happy so easily. -- "I'm not pompous and arrogant, I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories > I only wish I could make my wife happy so easily. I'd guess THAT raises a topic we haven't seen here before: What's the best vibrator to give to our wives for Christmas or Valentine's Day? Don't many of us owe 'em that? I.P. > > I only wish I could make my wife happy so easily. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > I.P. Now I am mortally offended, and will not come back here ever ever again. (alkaline batteries run faster and longer). Signature"Don't get me wrong... I'm SNARKY" JK Sinrod Sinrod Stained Glass Studios www.sinrodstudios.com Coney Island Memories www.sinrodstudios.com/coneymemories > Here's a thought. What about the computer dating services? My computer isn't interested. |
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