hi folks - i've been putting together some of the jokes into one post.
hope none offend.
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i asked my nurse if i should shave the hair off my leg, so the catheter
tape would stick better and it wouldn't hurt as much when she removed
the tape.  she said "don't bother.  by the end  of the week. i'll have
taken care of it for you." and then ripped off another piece of tape
with a dozen hairs.
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a religious man discovers that he has prostate cancer, and decides to
pray for a miracle.  the next day, he visits a urologist, who tells him
he must have surgery immediately.  he tells the doctor, "i do not want
you to remove my prostate, i am praying for a miracle from god."
then he visits a radiologist, who tells him that he must begin
radiation therapy immediately.  he tells the doctor, "i do not want you
to expose my body to radiation, i am putting my faith in god."  finally
he visits an oncologist, who tells him that he must start hormone
therapy immediately.  he tells the doctor, " i do not want you to inject
me with hormones.  god will heal me."  a few years later he dies and
goes to heaven where he is very upset and ask god why he didn't give him
a miracle.  god lies, "i gave you three miracles, a urologist, an
oncologist and a radiologist, buy you chose to ignore them"

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a testicular cancer patient is admitted to the hospital for an
orchiectomy to remove a cancerous testicle.  when he wakes up the doctor
tells him that he has good news and bad news.

doctor:  which would like like to hear first?
patient:  the bad news
doctor:  we accidentally removed both of your testicles.
patient:  what is the good news"
doctor:  you won't get prostate cancer
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a prostate cancer patient asks his urologist whether the surgery  be
painful.  the doctor replies, "only when you get my bill."

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a testicular cancer patient sees a urologist to schedule an orchiectomy.
the doctor tells him the operation will cost $4,000.  the patient asks
him if there's any way he can get a discount.  the doctor answers,
"well, i suppose, i could do two for the price of one.".

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i got the news of my prostate cancer and we still want another child,

when my friends heard that i was going to a sperm bank to collect my
sperm for cryopreservation, many of them remarked, "at least you get to
have some  fun".  

you try juggling a collection bottle in one hand, a magazine in the
other, all while trying to masturbate.  it's no wonder they ask whether
all of the sample made it into the bottle.

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when you have prostate cancer, your doctor may schedule you for a CAT
scan to determine whether the cancer has spread.  PET scans are also
occasionally used for diagnosis, especially to determine whether the
cancer is still active after treatment.  DOG scans, however, are
reserved for colon cancer patients.

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when i told a friend that i have cancer, he replied, "i thought you were
an aries?"

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a man isn't feeling well, so he goes to see his doctor.  the doctor
examines him and then asks to speak with his wife.  the doctor tells his
wife that her husband has cancer.  the wife asks, "can he be cured?"
the doctor replies, "there's a chance we can cure him with some very
advance treatment, but it won't be available until next year." but you
will need to take care of him every day for the next year---- cooking
all the meals, cleaning up the vomit, changing the bed pan, driving him
to the hospital for daily treatments, and so on".  when the wife comes
out to the waiting room, the husband asks her, what the doctor said.
the wife answers, "he said that you're going to die."

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doctor: i've got our test results and i have some bad news.  you have
prostate cancer and alzheimer's
patient: boy, am i lucky!!! i was afraid i had cancer!!!
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if you got 'em and want to share 'em, at least we can have some humor on
a dark subject.

~ curtis

knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional