Tell them the following.

Your case is treatable with very good prospects for a complete cure.
At your age the side effects of treatment, provided you get a good
doctor to treat you, are likely to be minimal.   In any case, prostate
cancer is generally slow growing.  You are in no immediate danger, and
you are going to be around for quite a while to come no matter what.

Good luck.

On July 19, 42n8-1 wrote, in pertinent part:

I dunno just how to answer. This man has done nothing about which to be
ashamed, so what's the problem?. Are the kids and parents unable to
understand the concept of illness?

I recommend sitting them down and simply telling them. They just might be
more resilient than he thinks.

Regards,

Steve J

The only thing you can do is bone up on what you have and tell them the
truth.

What is the truth?  Your PSA is relatively low (the average PSA among those
here upon Dx was ten times higher than yours).  Your stage might be more
important and it is almost as low as it gets (T1a).  At this point, probably
your most important score is Gleason and let's say that's about average.
Little more than 40% have Gleason 6 and little less than 40% have Gleason 7
at Dx.  About 2% have Gleason 5 and none I've heard from have less.

At 50 years old, your cells grow too fast for radiation (according to most
doctors) so your doc will probably recommend surgery.  With surgery, you
have a very good chance of having 100% of the cancer cut out.

I think children and siblings take it the best, at least outwardly.  Though
later I found that my brother (30+) was nearly devastated.  And, on the day
of my surgery, my sister was crying uncontrollably.  I don't know about my
children.  I lived through my dad's diagnosis and treatment without much of
a problem, though his death still bothers me.  Your mother is going to be
the problem.  No matter how you break it to her, she's not going to
understand the possibility that she might out-live you.  I recommend you
tell your siblings first then all of them can go into the room with apparent
ease when you tell your mom -- but it probably won't work.

I (and our kids) have been thru this twice - once with my wifes breast
cancer when our kids were young, and recently with my prostate cancer.
Keeping secrets is not good, the people who love you will rally around you,
and the support will be priceless. Cancer is no longer a death sentence. You
are not in it alone, let people help you get thru it! We sat down with them
each time and dealt with it directly, emphasizing all the positive things
the doctors had said. Good Luck!!

42n8-1,
I had the same problem.  I was diagnosed at age 49, failed the PSA 3 years
earlier and after 3 sets of biopsies it was found.  I chose surgery and have
not looked back.

Be perfectly  honest with the family.  Tell them upfront what that you know
and if they ask questions be prepared to help them.  It is just as bad or
worse for them is it was for me.  I had the #'s and what they meant as best
as I could tell them from the Doctor.  I asked that they tolerate me for a
the next few months as I had some heavy decisions to make and a lot of times
my  mind (what little that I have to work with) would be used to do some
research on a very serious subject too me.

It will be fine.
Honest, to the point and it will be a load off of your sholders.

Good Luck..

Lomax

I can't stand melodrama, so I e-mailed them or sent a letter.

The gist of the message in my case (and yours) is that I have a diseased
gland that has to come out, which means a short hospital stay, and the
probability of a cure is quite high, so optimism is warranted.

jimhoney
standard RRP age 52, cured, no significant aftereffects

P.S. Yes, some people do regard me with contempt for being a Pollyanna.
 But I speak from the stats.

From: 42n8-1@comcast.net (42n8-1)
hello all   '

just found out i have prostate cancer. 50 years old ,t1c gleason 7 (3+4)
psa
6.6. i have been following the group for about a month and i now know
how people with this thing or even there close ones feel. very hollow .
any way i was wondering if any one can suggest a way to tell the kids ,
15 yrs. 18 yrs. 29 yrs. and 32 yrs. and even the rest of the family ,mom
brothers and so forth. right now i can't .
  thanks
42n8-1
========my story is different yet.  we had just buried by dad from prostate
cancer in december 1999.  so my sons knew what prostate was all about
and what the path looks like all the way to the end.  

then 2001, my wife had these serious health problems.  the second heart
attack, they didn't know if she would make it through the night.

i told them point blank, don't wait until i'm dead, kick my casket and
they are throwing dirt on my face to wish that they had been around or
said the words they want to say.  the time is now.

so, i hug them when i see them, i tell them that i love them, because
you never know.

then, 2 years later, i got the phone call.  elevated psa.  on my
birthday yet!!!

as i standing there and hung up the phone, i said, "that's a hell of a
birthday present!!!"  

my son looked at me and said, "you know dad,  you may have gotten the
best birthday present you ever had."

so, my advice to you is simple.  tell it like it is.  express yourself
on how you feel.  they can handle it in their own way and they will be
there to support you.

another word of advice.  if you decide to have surgery, tell them to go
shopping after you come out of surgery.  you will want to sleep anyway
and won't be good company and they can take in a movie or go shopping.
my family was glad i told them that too.

~ curtis

knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional    
"Many more men die with prostate cancer than of it. Growing old is
invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so."
http://community.webtv.net/PALMER_ENT/doc

I called my four children - all in their thirties.  It was more
difficult for me than I thought it would be and interestingly the boys
for some reason took it harder than the girls.  After surgery, we
pretty much joked about the ordeal what with catheters, pads, and all.
I chose not to tell my mom who is in her mid-eighties and to this day
(two years later) she still doesn't know even though she now lives with
us.  She's such a worry-wart she would have spent her last days trying
to protect me by carrying my boxes, hoeing my weeds, etc..  Anyway,
promote the fact that most PCa patients die of something else and that
you have an excellent chance of living a normal life post-op.

Good luck,
Dave Perry

I've just turned 70 and I have 2 children, only. A girl 42 yrs and a
boy 37 yrs.

There were no dramas when I told them separately, except comments from
them like:

"A lot of men seem to be getting diagnosed with that lately." (the
media has given it some exposure recently.)

"Are you having surgery or radiation?"

"A lot can be done for that now."

Neither of them had the slightest clue as to PSAs, DREs, Gleason
Scores or any of the related jargon that gets bandied around in this
group.

I told the boy he should consider getting a PSA test, at least when he
turned 40. (I'm the first in the chain in our family to have PCa
though, so it may not be considered specifically hereditary.)

They have both shown interest in my treatment (ADT, EBRT & HDRB)
progress and results so far. I just tell them it's in "remission" (a
media word), but really, like the multitude of the populace, they have
no knowledge or interest about the finer points of PCa.

So tell them and you may receive similar reactions.

 
-- Reader to complete...
-- Please reply to this ng as my email adress is fake:

-- Regards

-- CC

42n8-1,
I was 50 when I got the news. I have three kids, all in their 20's. I
told them and the rest of the family "I have prostate cancer", then
answered their questions. They will know you are upset and hidding
something if you don't tell. I found the resulting explosion of support
very helpful.
Steve U

Hey, it's not like it's a big deal.
Yet.
*I*F*  this thing kills you, it's not likely to do it for another 15 years.
At this stage it's just one more damned major hassle, like so many others we
encounter every few years. All it means for now is:
1. Time spent on research.
2. Making a decision which will probably become a no-brainer once step #1 is
complete.
3. Getting cut or zapped.
4. Getting over the cut or zap.
5. Observing your PSA over the years while you resume a normal life.
6. Return to #1 if and when your PSA rises again some day, with a different
set of choices at step #3.

Sure, it may actually get serious at some future point, but this ain't that
point. This ain't even CLOSE to that point. A sprained ankle hurts much more
(and often longer), MANY common things (e.g., smoking, getting only 6-7
hours of sleep most nights, obesity, traffic, age, gender) may be comparable
or greater threats to your health over the next decade, your next visit to
the vet is likely to cost you more money. Virtually your only threats are
very slight odds of wearing funny underwear and changing your sex habits.

Take advantage of the situation. Use it as motivation to:
1. Retire sooner. I'm now even gladder that I retired at 45, partly because
I realized 20 years earlier that I may die some day.
2. Pursue the things you REALLY want to do. I elevated my passions to the
top of my To Do list decades ago. If I survive my cancers to live another 5
(my other cancer will nail me within a couple of years or not at all) or 35
years, guess who wins.
3. Banish the time-consuming crap from your life. I'm far more willing now
to pay somebody else to paint my house and fix my car; if mowing my lawn
weren't good exercise and only a 35-minute task (by design; I mow half an
acre), I'd have it mowed.
4. Prepare your durable power of attorney, including a living will. Everyone
over the age of 10 should have one. I feel good knowing I'll never rot,
mindless, in a hospital bed for years.
5. Go through the drills you'll need when you encounter a SERIOUS health
threat, whether it's a PC recurrence at 60 or a heart bypass next year.

How do you tell them? "Hey, gang . . . I've got prostate cancer. We caught
it early, so at present it's no big deal. I've bought several PC books and
am starting to schedule visits to specialists in surgery and radiation. I'll
get back to you when I've read some of the books, cruised a few
AUTHORITATIVE web sites, and asked the oncologists a ton of educated
questions. I've got months to sweat the details. Now . . . Has anyone seen
"Wedding Crashers"? Is it worth the $5?"
And tell the kids to start getting PSA and DRE checks before they're 40. If
they say, "But., Dad . . . ", tell them, "OK, OK, PAP smears and breast
cancer exams."

I.P.

 This is not a death sentence by any means. Sure it's a serious thing, but
very treatable, and you will most likely die of something else when you're
85. I just told the wife and kids exactly what the doc told me. "Yes you
have PCa, but I'm confident that this is a very cureable disease". 3 years
later, and he was right.