Just thought I would post this to hopefully brighten someone's day.
Laughter is the best medicine........Heather

 True Doctor Stories

 A man comes into the ER and yells,
 "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
 I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
 the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
 Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was
 in the wrong one.

 --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

 **********
 At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
 an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
 wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
 remorsefully replied the patient.

 --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

 **********
 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
 a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
 infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
 to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

 --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

 **********
 I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
 acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
 began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both,"
 I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
 large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
 exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
 covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

 --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

 **********

 During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
 cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
 trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked.
 The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
 and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress
 and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
 patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old
 patch before applying a new one.

 --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

 **********
 While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
 "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete
 confusion she answered "Why, not for about twenty years
 -- when my husband was alive."

 --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

 **********
 I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
 So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good,
 except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
 to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
 jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

 --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

 **********
 And Finally (always leave the best for last). . . .

 A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
 performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
 unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

 The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam
 suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked
 up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"

 She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I
 was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

 --won't admit his name