Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old,
you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full...of
course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are
floating in it.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can
see your rear end without turning around.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery
store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the
produce department.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's
more
like Splat!)

Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...and that you're
now sitting on your biggest ones.

It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in midlife...jiggly, yes; jiggy,
no.

Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand
McNally. (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the
state of Wisconsin).

Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things
will too!

Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself...and your chins follow
suit.

Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you'd need a control
top flea collar.

Midlife is when your memory really starts to go. The only thing you
still retain is water.

You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big"
questions-- what is life, why am I here...how much Healthy Choice ice
cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

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knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional    
"Many more men die with prostate cancer than of it. Growing old is
invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so."