hi debbie - i can certainly understand both of your situations.  the
risk factor, the uncertainly of the future and the words that my surgeon
used that will haunt me forever.  "your life will never be the same"

but, that's not true.  this is from a person on the other side.

please keep in mind that a psa of 8.4 may be elevated by a prostate
infection and not by prostate cancer.  no lumps felt on the DRE is an
excellent sign too.

the week before surgery, i was getting to where i didn't know what sleep
was.  all my life, i was told never wish your life away, and i wanted so
hard to wish the next two weeks away.  i had never had a surgery before
and then to be hit with a major surgery and with so many cards on the
table that can not only affect how long i live, but my quality of life.
that really bothered me.

but, here's a glimpse into the crystal ball as to what to expect and it
seems to be a common element.

1. no pain - this surprised me.   but the surgeon told me that there are
not that many nerves in the area they are cutting, so you don't have the
pain as you would as if it were is some other areas, with a highly
develop nervous system.  everyone seems to be saying the same thing that
has had surgery.  in fact, even though i had pain killers for two weeks
after the hospital, i was taking aspirin by the three day because i felt
i didn't need them and i had the standard RP.

2.  the great sense of relief that the cancer is out of the body.  

3.  after surgery, it all gets better from then on.  it doesn't get
worse.

4. just take it easy afterwards and don't overdo.  i did and paid the
price.  it felt so good and i didn't have the stamina that i had before
i went in.
==============
after surgery, there are 3 phases of continence control.  dry while
laying down.  dry while sitting,  dry when standing up or what i called
stress continence control, such as a sneeze or passing gas.

allen might be dry from day one.  i wasn't.  took almost a year to get
to 99%.  it is what a call the luck of the cards.   there's always a
joker and one has to know that it is in the deck.

your questions answered.   the pants you bought a little 'big' will do
fine.  he is going to be swollen and won't want anything tight.  i used
jogging pants with a draw string and they worked well.  make sure they
are made out of black parachute material.  black because of 'accidents
and it won't show as if it were a light colored pants, and parachute
material because it dries fast.  i was leaking at a public event and my
pants were shiny from the urine leakage.  i went into the bathroom, took
some paper towels. blotted the pants dry and it took the shine off of
them and nobody could tell what happened.

the depends - well, it depends.  i bought a big box and used two.  i
went to the pads.  the pads that are being referred to is the female
type pads for periods.  i started out with the super soakers, but they
were so bulky and uncomfortable.  i can definitely feel for women in
this department.  i ended up with the ultra thins.  they were
comfortable and you could carry an extra one or two without taking up
much space.  it will be a trial and error to begin with because everyone
is different.  they do make a male pad and that, too, may be the choice
to go with.

after surgery, his psa should go to the undetectable range and stay
there.  i asked my surgeon about the pituitary gland because it makes
some psa, and he said not enough to change the reading.  
-------------
there is a book called, "making love again' that would be worth reading.
it is written by a husband and wife and they discuss their feelings
before the prostate surgery and afterwards and the events they had to
deal with.   it is an easy read.

remember - things are going to turn out fine.  

~ curtis

knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional    
"Many more men die with prostate cancer than of it. Growing old is
invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so."