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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Prostate Cancer / April 2004No fun this weekend!
Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since obtaining the pump. It didn't happen. It almost happened. But now I must wait. Seems something went wrong. Since the pump can be used several times per day my husband thought nothing of pumping after his shower this morning. We expected our darling granddaughter to leave here about 11 PM. What I didn't know as she left was my husband was dying with pain as he waved goodbye. HUH???? He ripped off his jeans and grabbed the ice pack as soon as she left. Seems the pumping this morning created a slight problem. This time the blood did not retreat. Instead it left him with strange bulges filled with fluid. The foreskin area was the worst. He had a spot the size of a quarter just bulging. I switched him to warmth and eventually it went down. He said it looked worse than it felt. I called the 800 number and was referred to another 800 number. Interesting, Osbon is owned by Timm. After talking to guy there we figured out that the area that has not been getting hard due to possible tissue damage was responsible. Basically what happened is he got enough blood in there, then it got trapped and couldn't get out. They suggested we continue to do the pumping for about 3 weeks before test driving. (#$*&!!!!) It is important to allow these areas to restore normal blood flow. They suggested that he pump only a few pumps and then put the ring on to prevent him from getting too much blood and fluid into the area. They said two pumps wait about 10 seconds and then 2 more pumps, place ring and then pump some more. That way he draws less blood into the area until the tissue gets used to shuttling the blood in and out. We were both definitely disappointed. Bev hi bev - sorry for the bad news. that is one great asset that we have going for this group is that not only can we talk about it, and share the information. and not behaving like some high school kids laughing about it. oh, we can have some fun about it, when everything is working right, but not this time. i haven't heard of this happening without the rings. and what's gets me, there was nothing about it in the manual nor the tape that came with mine. was it covered in class before they issued it? ~ curtis knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional I have had this happen, but without the pain. It occurs when you have either pumped too much or left the pump on too long. The erection is gone but the swollen bulge stays awhile and goes away in less than 24 hours. The 800 number is right, you need to work into it slowly. MrBill > hi bev - sorry for the bad news. that is one great asset that we have > going for this group is that not only can we talk about it, and share [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional Nothing was covered anywhere about this problem. Maybe because most men using the pump just need to get the blood moving through the whole shaft. Whereas my husband only needs to move the blood into the very upper portion and the head of the penis. So maybe with the bottom half working and then using the pump he's getting way too much blood flowing in and then of course the blood that became trapped. Maybe tonight he will try using the pump again. Bev > hi bev - sorry for the bad news. that is one great asset that we have > going for this group is that not only can we talk about it, and share [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional Very heavy sigh! :-( > Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since obtaining > the pump. It didn't happen. It almost happened. But now I must wait. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > We were both definitely disappointed. > Bev Gosh, That is no fun! I cannot imagine why this may happen and only if too much pressure was applied all to quick. I guess it is back to the drawing board, and like the suggestion below start out easy, then increase with time. Good wishes, John Loomis > Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since obtaining > the pump. It didn't happen. It almost happened. But now I must wait. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > We were both definitely disappointed. > Bev > Gosh, That is no fun! I cannot imagine why this may happen and only if too > much pressure was applied all to quick. > I guess it is back to the drawing board, and like the suggestion below start > out easy, then increase with time. > Good wishes, John Loomis I endorse what the others say. You have to go about it slowly at first. Timm suggests working at it gradually over a 2 to 3 week period before even trying the tension rings. But I wonter if he needs to see a urologist who is an expert in these matters. I understand they can do blood flow studies which show exactly what is going on. The Timm people are very helpful, but they are not physicians. >>Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since > [quoted text clipped - 54 lines] >>We were both definitely disappointed. >>Bev If this new technique doesn't work out then maybe he'll consider a trip to the urologist's office. What the guy said made perfect sense for our situation. Just cross your fingers for us. BTW, he's never pumped it very much, it hasn't taken much to do the job. Also when he pumped before he was just pumping. But this last time he was pumping it was going to be his final test drive for the real thing and I'm sure mentally that kicked in a few hormones. Knowing that at some time later during the day he was going to do it again for real would naturally increase blood flow. Bev > I endorse what the others say. You have to go about it slowly at first. > Timm suggests working at it gradually over a 2 to 3 week period before [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > exactly what is going on. The Timm people are very helpful, but they > are not physicians. Sorry to read of your troubles this weekend, Bev. It sounds very painful, and I hope your husband is doing better. Please give us an update when you can! Take care! MikeH > > Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since > obtaining [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > HUH???? He ripped off his jeans and grabbed the ice pack as soon as she > > left. I'm really sorry to hear that, Bev. I know it must be frustrating.  SignatureProstate Cancer Survivor (so far), not a doctor PSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46 Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c RRP 12/15/2000 PSA .1 .1 .1 .3 .4 .8 EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47 PSA .3 .2 .2 .2 .3 Erection 05/12/2003 @ 48 HTbegins 07/21/2003 @ 48 PSA .1 Lupron 7/03, 8/03, 12/03 > Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since obtaining > the pump. It didn't happen. It almost happened. But now I must wait. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > We were both definitely disappointed. > Bev Geez......that really sounds horribly painful for both of you, but for different reasons. I really miss sex, but maybe it wll change. We "played" once, and after that Jeff really hurt. I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you this weekend......it really feels like a loss, doesn't it? And.....not to mention none of us likes to see our husband in pain. Well.....take care Bev. It really hopefully will get better in time. I guess it's times like this when"patience is a virtue" comes in - sometimes I guess I'm not too virtuous.....:) Sandy > I'm really sorry to hear that, Bev. I know it must be frustrating. > [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > > We were both definitely disappointed. > > Bev Neither am I at times. It's been a long time since he's had a real solid erection (2 years). I don't want the generic brand, I don't want the soda fountain mix or out of a metal can, I don't want diet caffeine-free, I want the real Coca-Cola in the little glass bottle. It reminds me of when I was a kid and used to travel overseas. When I'd get back most of the time what I wanted was a big glass of milk. Milk was a no-no in those days in many countries as it was not processed and not considered safe for drinking. When you could have it - it just wasn't the same, it didn't taste the same. So my mom always made sure there was a brand new unopened bottle of milk in the refrigerator waiting for me. I'd pop that little top off and pour the milk from the glass bottle into a tall glass and gulp it down. I didn't stop until I finished the whole quart. I think sex is a little like that. You don't miss it until you can't have it. Then you get used to doing without or making do with what you can have. And then you realize you can have it just the way you remember it and that is exactly what you want. :-) Bev > Geez......that really sounds horribly painful for both of you, but for > different reasons. I really miss sex, but maybe it wll change. We "played" [quoted text clipped - 56 lines] > > > We were both definitely disappointed. > > > Bev (Beverley) Neither am I at times. It's been a long time since he's had a real solid erection (2 years). I don't want the generic brand, I don't want the soda fountain mix or out of a metal can, I don't want diet caffeine-free, I want the real Coca-Cola in the little glass bottle. It reminds me of when I was a kid and used to travel overseas. When I'd get back most of the time what I wanted was a big glass of milk. Milk was a no-no in those days in many countries as it was not processed and not considered safe for drinking. When you could have it - it just wasn't the same, it didn't taste the same. So my mom always made sure there was a brand new unopened bottle of milk in the refrigerator waiting for me. I'd pop that little top off and pour the milk from the glass bottle into a tall glass and gulp it down. I didn't stop until I finished the whole quart. I think sex is a little like that. You don't miss it until you can't have it. Then you get used to doing without or making do with what you can have. And then you realize you can have it just the way you remember it and that is exactly what you want. :-) Bev ----------------------- hi bev - there has been a lot of postings on the feelings we have about a loving relationship and sex. they write books about whow different men & women are. they have talk shows on the differences. i got this in my email and i've shared it with some, but i thought it would on the little side of a very serious subject. so enjoy. ~ curtis Dear Editor, I thought both your male and female readers might identify. I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And, I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??????" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you........ she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register!" I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ...... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." I figure I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.....But Damn it was worth it! knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional "Many more men die with prostate cancer that of it. Growing old is invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so." Thanks guys. He's on a 24 hour hiatus then we'll try pumping again using the suggestion made by the tech. He's such a turtle (grower) that once everything could return to its norm turtle state he felt much better, mentally and physically. Heat helped it return to normal quicker. He has no bruising - nothing to show for what happened. I would say he never over pumped. He was very cautious about that. He never tried for anything impressive, etc. You know how your ring finger has a funny white dent where your wedding ring fits? Well that's a little like his erections. It has a band about 1/2 way up. Without the pump the bottom half would get hard but not the top half . You would have thought someone had tied a string around it. So with the pump as soon as he'd have flow past the band he'd quit pumping. He'd never had any problem prior to this incident. Everything was working very well, better than expected. His erections were holding on their own - he never even tried the bands. But in spite of this set back we think the pump might just be the perfect answer to his problem. I have a feeling in a few months he won't need the pump. He probably should have tried the pump much sooner. I don't know why we didn't think to ask about it. Isn't hind sight wonderful? Bev > Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since obtaining > the pump. It didn't happen. It almost happened. But now I must wait. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > We were both definitely disappointed. > Bev Bev: I am sorry to hear this report, for both of you. My wife has said nothing since the surgery, except the comment that she is just glad to still have me. That is nice, but I know that I am not living up to my end of the bargain. A week from today I have my nine month follow up visit, and I am going to ask about the injections. If that does not work I guess the pump is my only remaining alternative. Good luck. I hope with time the pump works for your two. Thank you. David S. > Sorry to report to all of you guys waiting to hear good news since obtaining > the pump. It didn't happen. It almost happened. But now I must wait. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > We were both definitely disappointed. > Bev Don't think that way....you're living up to everything your wife wants, and that's for you to still be with her. I can't think of anything more important than for Jeff to be alive...that's all I ask for...just that sometimes we all want what we use to have......men and women alike. If it's not possible right now, it's just not. Most importantly though, I'll go to sleep tonight hugging my husband and loving him more than I ever have and you and your wife will do the same thing. S.H. > Bev: > I am sorry to hear this report, for both of you. My wife has said [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > > We were both definitely disappointed. > > Bev > That is nice, but I know that I am not living up to my end of the > bargain. I probably cannot dissuade you from these sorts of thoughts, but I think you may be doing your wife a great disservice. Consideration of and thoughts about that are understandable. But concluding that you are insufficient is, IMHO, basically stating that she does not love you enough to prefer having you sans penis. The bargain you two made was a number of years ago and it included sickness and health, better and worse, and until death do you part. I suspect she is still happy with the bargain. Just my 2 cents. You know how sometimes you say something that seems to touch a nerve unexpectedly? Looks like I did that here. I did not mean to imply anything negative about my wife. Just that I am aware that this part of our relationship has had a major change, and, I guess I am a little guilty in that for the last eight months or so my attention has been paid to the incontinence issue. I did have an appointment with the uro to discuss ED, but had to cancel because things were busy at work. Also, I guess that taking the pills is easy, but sticking a needle in the penis is a hurdle for me. A shot in the arm is one thing, but.... In the past five years we both have had health problems. My wife was hospitalized with pneumonia for four days. Then she had "idiopathic eradicaria". Hives; no reason identified. And by hives I mean all over the body, carrying epinephine in case the windpidpe started to swell shut, and the ones on her legs hard as leather. Only prednisone worked to control the hives, and you probably know that has its own risks. It took over a year for her to get over that. To this day any read spot causes her anxiety, i.e., "is it coming back?". The latest is heart problems. It is controlled by medications, but it is just one more thing. I started out with a hernia, no big deal. Then the cataracts (one down one to go - they come in pairs they tell me). In 2002 it was gall bladder surgery and pancreatitiis. At least I lost weight, and now I can eat anything I want. Then the PCa. Organ contained disease; clear surgical margins; lymph nodes okay; no sign of disease on the bone scan; 90 day PSA <.1, so it does not get better than that from what I can tell. This year it is high blood pressure. I have until June to get it down or else I go on meds for that. No luck losing weight so far, and diet is a disaster. Forget that. Work: CFO fired; reorganizing; told they are going to reduce staff - in other words typical corporate America work atmosphere. So, like Bev says, it is complicated. A lot of factors. Did I mention the step-son's wife hooked on cocaine, his truck has been repossessed, and their house is being auctioned off on the court house steps this Thursday? Nothing lately to keep us thinking about our sex life. Anybody know where I can get a pickup truck cheap? Sorry to ramble, and sorry to unload all this stuff here. But I do feel better. Cheap therapy I guess. Have a good day everyone. Thank you. David S. P.S. Buttercup is fine. >> That is nice, but I know that I am not living up to my end of the >> bargain. [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > >Just my 2 cents. Sorry to unload all that here. It just kind of all spilled out. Things are kind of tough right now, between home and work, and I am frustrated because I do not know what to do to. Thanks. Go right ahead and vent. Sounds like major stress to me. The hardest part is not being able to do anything with grown children. Right now I know so many people coping with grown children who are either hooked on drugs or have been hooked. Add in some health problems and well, the stress level just goes on overload. I think with grown kids all we can do is learn to say "I love you but it's not my problem - it's yours". Over and over - it's not my problem! Oh, it affects us. We wind up with the grandchildren or worse yet the children move back into the family home. One friend of mine picked up the phone and called her husband at work one day - something she never does. She said very briefly that she had purchased a plane ticket and as going to her mother's house. What she didn't tell her husband was she swore if she had spent another moment in her own home she would have killed her son and his drug addicted wife who had moved in with them because they had lost everything. So believe me you are not alone. There are lots of wonderful people out there with almost the exact same problems. Maybe you could consider early retirement? Then find a condo in New Mexico and move! Getting away from so many stress factors just might be the boost you both need. No wonder Buttercup needs doggy prosaic she's picking up all the stress vibes from you guys. ;-) Bev > Sorry to unload all that here. It just kind of all spilled out. > Things are kind of tough right now, between home and work, and I am > frustrated because I do not know what to do to. Thanks. re: > Maybe you could consider early retirement? Then find a condo in New Mexico > and move! Just make it a one bedroom apartment <g> Good luck to you! Larry > Maybe you could consider early retirement? Then find a condo in New Mexico > and move! Getting away from so many stress factors just might be the boost > you both need. > Sorry to unload all that here. It just kind of all spilled out. > Things are kind of tough right now, between home and work, and I am > frustrated because I do not know what to do to. Thanks. I'm glad you unloaded, David. We are here to offer support.... and my inbox is always open if you ever just want to dump away! Feel free! We all have stressors... and sometimes it's just good to unload all the things running around in our heads.... It may not solve the problem, but it makes it seem a bit lighter! Take care.... MikeH That's a hell of a lot of stuff going on and probably sufficient to cause minor ED in men with prostates. SignatureProstate Cancer Survivor (so far), not a doctor PSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46 Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c RRP 12/15/2000 PSA .1 .1 .1 .3 .4 .8 EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47 PSA .3 .2 .2 .2 .3 Erection 05/12/2003 @ 48 HTbegins 07/21/2003 @ 48 PSA .1 Lupron 7/03, 8/03, 12/03 > You know how sometimes you say something that seems to touch a nerve > unexpectedly? Looks like I did that here. I did not mean to imply [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > > > >Just my 2 cents. hey bev - i had to get my manual out and double check about tips on pumping. here is what it says. it is in bold heavy print..... most importantly, after a period of sexual inactivity, the vessels in the penis need to become accustomed to being filled with blood again. so by following the practice session outlined below, you will provide a slow but steady increase of blood through the vessels of the penis giving you a better erection. ------------- in the general warnings, it states using the rings too often may cause bruising at the base of the penis, also, it states that the vacuum pump may bruise the blood vessels just below the surface of the skin, which may cause tiny reddish spots (petechiae) to appears on the penis. these are not harmful and should disappear with regular use of the device. bruising may also occur at a deeper level in the penis or scrotum. which could result in hemorrhage (excessive bleeding) and/or hematoma (blood clot) also, it states to use the lowest amount of vacuum pressure necessary to produce an erection. using too much pressure or increasing the vacuum pressure too quickly may cause discomfort, pain or bruising. release vacuum immediately if pain occurs. you know what they always say, if all else fails - read the directions. now, i know. hope this helps bev, ~ curtis knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional "Many more men die with prostate cancer that of it. Growing old is invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so." David: Don't feel like you are not "living up to your end". What is important is that you are alive. I would rather never have intercourse again than have no husband. There are other ways. What is important is that you are still here to enjoy life together. Vacations, walks, holidays, grandkids, kids these are what is important. Lillian I hear what you are saying, Lillian.... and I know, in my heart, that you are right! Just wish I could wrap my mind around it and let it sink in. How do I get to that point? Take care! MikeH > David: > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Lillian Thanks Lilian. I know you are right. >David: > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > >Lillian > ... but I know that I am not living up to my end of the > bargain. A man can satisfy a woman without having an erection. Those of us who have had problems need to learn how to do that. Alan Alan: When I was young I considered that a part of normal foreplay (I can count premarital partners on one hand, so I was not all that experienced). Unfortunatley I was over 50 when I found out where the clitoris was located (the Internet is a good learning tool), so my earlier efforts were apparently misdirected. Today, my wife is kind of "straight", "conservative", so I am not sure she would consider this an acceptable alternative. I will pursue whatever the doctor suggests as the next method to try, injections or the pump (the MUSE was his first suggestion), and hope that works out. In any case, I understand what you are saying, and I know that you are right. Thank you. David S. >> ... but I know that I am not living up to my end of the >> bargain. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Alan It's interesting to read the different replies to this. The bottom line is there is everyone looks at it differently. So here's my two cents. No one wants to cope with ED. Basically if the equipment is there you expect it to function. When it doesn't it's a downer. I remember a long time ago someone wrote a wonderful piece on missing "the woody" and how it was such a normal part of their life from as far back as they could remember - even before they knew what to do with one. So it is understandable that losing this ability makes you feel as if somehow you have failed. On the other hand, for the partner this inability might not have as big an impact as you might think. Some women just really don't care if it works or doesn't work. For most of us our desire to make babies is gone. Therefore "sex" just doesn't hold the same importance. Chalk that one up to being postmenopausal? Also there are a wide number of Rx's that really put a damper on the sexual drive. There are not many 25 year old women running around taking beta blockers but there sure are lots of women over 45 taking them. Often wives are just so darn happy to have their husband they really don't care if sex is out of the picture. Do I want sex or do I want my husband? That's a no brain-er - I want my husband!!!! If I can have both that is great!!!!! Ok, scenario: Husband is surviving but things are not working. Of course she misses it but she doesn't have the heart to say she misses it. She's so grateful he's alive and well! And she knows this is difficult for him so she doesn't want to compound the problem for him by saying that this bothers her. If she says what she feels will he think she's going to look elsewhere for sex? Will he think she's some sort of tart for wanting sex? Or a nymphomaniac? Gosh, she doesn't want that she just wants here husband whole and everything working. Or......... maybe in the last few years sex has taken a back seat to everything anyway. If she gets it 6 times a year that's plenty. But now it's not working so it's not happening and that's okay, too. Yeah, once in a while she thinks about it and says yeah, it would have nice to still be doing it but well she's not exactly the beauty he married and nothing is exactly in the same place as it used to be. A few extra pounds, a little gravity combined with age - heck she's no sex kitten and she knows it. So her own self esteem has gotten in the way and therefore why should she even expect to turn her husband on so she just quietly deals with it. Okay I could keep rambling all night long. There are just so many factors. The bottom line is you've got to have good communications. You've got to figure out a way to discuss it openly and truthfully. The bad part is it is a lot like the running joke about the most dangerous question for a husband to ask "What's wrong?" and the wife answers "nothing". So maybe the clues are there in what you were doing and how often prior to PC. Take into account any changes in her health since your diagnosis. We all know that PC changes everyone. And truthfully I don't know one female that does not want to be loved, hugged and cuddled. We want those big strong arms wrapped around us. We want to feel your heart beat and feel your breath on our neck. And even I will admit that there are times I don't want anything rising to the occasion because I'm too darn tired or I just ache too much to be bothered. I'm totally lacking hormones so no sex drive coming from there. If it never happened again I'd miss it. My world would not fall apart and no one would lock me away in an institution over it. But if there is a chance at making it work the way it is supposed to work I'll do everything I can to make that happen. Not because I'm some sort of sex driven person but because I love my husband and it is a way to express that love, and the two shall become one. That's how I look at it. But that is me. Bev > Bev: > I am sorry to hear this report, for both of you. My wife has said [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > > We were both definitely disappointed. > > Bev Well said. Thank you. Your two cents always adds up to so much more, Bev. Thanks! MikeH > It's interesting to read the different replies to this. The bottom line is > there is everyone looks at it differently. So here's my two cents. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > even before they knew what to do with one. So it is understandable that > losing this ability makes you feel as if somehow you have failed. I'm 40, hubby is 53 and I'm his 4th wife (married 18 yrs). Our love life has been infrequent over the last 5 yrs or so due to his medical problems. He has 2 crushed vertebrae from an accident in '80 (T9 &10) with steel rods holding that together. He also has arthritis in most joints and degenerative disc disease in his lower back. The pain meds and BP meds made it difficult for him to maintain an erection. When he can, I am enthusiastic, and when not, that's ok too. We manage to find ways to have fun even when actual intercourse can't happen. I know he is upset about being impotent (he's about 1/2 way thru rad therapy) but I don't know if it would make him feel worse if I were to talk to him about it. I don't want to lose our closeness, but am afraid that if I do too much cuddling and smooching he'll think I expect more. Are there any books that deal with these issues? I am an avid reader and thought maybe if he saw I was reading about this it would be a good way to bring up the subject. A personal narrative by Michael A. Dorso, M.D. titled "Seeds of Hope" relates his "personal triumph over Prostate Cancer". More than that, he opens up completely discussing his very human emotions of his experience. From the treatment perspective, it's a focus on the choices he made and the rationale behind them - but, it's his narrative. I highly recommend it. Good Luck, Larry > I'm 40, hubby is 53 and I'm his 4th wife (married 18 yrs). Our love > life has been infrequent over the last 5 yrs or so due to his medical [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > and thought maybe if he saw I was reading about this it would be a good > way to bring up the subject. > I know he is upset about being impotent (he's about 1/2 way thru rad > therapy) but I don't know if it would make him feel worse if I were to > talk to him about it. I don't want to lose our closeness, but am afraid > that if I do too much cuddling and smooching he'll think I expect more. > Are there any books that deal with these issues? That is quite possible. So you have to convince him over and over that your really enjoy what you are doing. Over and over. He will probably bring it up to you several times and you'll just have to tell him, "I'm telling you, honey. I am really enjoying this. I never knew it could be this fun." Do you have a really big Barnes and Noble book store near you? I'm sure you will probably find all sorts of books on the subject. Maybe just bring up the subject of going to the bookstore to find a book on the subject will be enough to get him talking. Tell him you want to explore the sexual/sensual options as neither one of you are kids anymore. This would be a normal step in a progressive long-term loving relationship. Bet you'll either get him talking or maybe he'd go with you to look for the books. Bev > I'm 40, hubby is 53 and I'm his 4th wife (married 18 yrs). Our love > life has been infrequent over the last 5 yrs or so due to his medical [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > and thought maybe if he saw I was reading about this it would be a good > way to bring up the subject. |
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