hi folks - i ran across this website and wanted to share it with you.
kim has put together a mixture of things to make us laugh and to make us
think.  i definitely loved the cockroach theory........

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My name is Kim Garretson. I live in Minneapolis.
I had a Radical Prostatectomy at age 51 at Mayo Clinic last April after
complaining of symptoms for nearly 3 years, with my GP never giving me a
PSA test. When he did I had a PSA of 159.
But, despite very grim indicators going into surgery, I had a
surprisingly good outcome. I wanted to thank you (YANA) for the
comprehensiveness of your site, which I referred to during my journey.
Recently I wrote a book for family and friends about my journey. I was
looking for a way to illustrate the book with some sardonic humor,
because I believe you have to laugh in the face of grim news as both a
coping and a healing tactic. I came up with the idea of changing old
pulp fiction magazine covers about fictional terrors to reflect the real
terrors that guys face with this epidemic.
My thought is that there already exists fantastic and comprehensive
online resources like your site. So, I needn't add to that, plus I am
not the diligent discoverer about all aspects of the disease like you so
gratifyingly have done. So, I thought that maybe by showing my altered
magazine covers, men -- and their women -- could smile a bit about the
absurdity of what they are going through and maybe take away a little
uplift from this.
Take a look at Kim Garretson's terrific website by clicking on
MansGland
Here's one of his posters

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Cockroach Analogy
Prostate cancer is similar to finding a cockroach in the middle of your
kitchen table. You panic, knowing that where there is one there are
probably more and they do multiply. You call several exterminators.
The surgeon recommends removal. He'll use a chain saw and remove the
kitchen from the rest of the house and repair the plumbing as best he
can with what remains.
The external beam radiation exterminator wants to stand out side the
kitchen and blast away with a twelve gauge shot gun hoping he will miss
the plumbing.
The seed implant exterminator is really slick. He just wants to drill
holes in the wall and toss in grenades.
The cryosurgery exterminator wants to drill holes in the walls and pump
in liquid nitrogen, hoping he doesn't freeze the plumbing.
The hormone guys.. well they just want to pump in sleeping gas. Knowing
all too well that in a couple of years the cockroaches will wake up
pissed off and hungry.
Chemotherapy boys will offer to poison everything in the kitchen and
will promise you that if you eat the poison they will give you an
antidote which may or may not work.
The alternative medicine people will give you a bit of eye of newt and
toe of frog plus a couple of other exotic ingredients and hope to hell
that chases the cockroaches away. And then there are the watchful
waiting folks, some of whom are not real sure that there was a cockroach
and some of whom think it may have been just an old bachelor 'roach with
no kids that they saw.
Now if there is only the one cockroach the odds are good - you can get
rid of the infestation. However if the little bugger laid eggs elsewhere
or more of his buddies are lurking about in other places... well you get
the picture. In any case, life in the kitchen will never be the same.
One of these days an exterminator will come along who just swats the
cockroach and puts out poison bait for the others!! You'll never know he
was there. Until then good luck on your choice of exterminators, and low
or non-existent PSA's to you all.
And remember - Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out of it
alive anyway!

----------------

A New Day
This is the beginning of a new day.
I have been given this day to use as I will.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is important because
I'm exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes,
this day will be gone forever,
leaving in its place whatever I have traded for it.
I pledge to myself that it shall be...
gain, not loss;
good, not evil;
success, not failure...
in order that I shall not regret
the price I paid for this day.
(Source unknown)

-----------------
Jelly Bean Theory on Life
This theory on life was originally told to Mac by a Marine flight
instructor when he was but a Marine student aviator. It was then the
theory on flying but somehow it seems just as applicable to life in
general:
On the day you are born you are given a large bowl. In this bowl is
placed several bags of white jelly beans, a handful of grey jelly beans
and one black jelly bean.
The white jelly beans represent good days, the grey jelly beans
represent close calls, an accident, a serious illness etc. but you live.
The black jelly bean represents the day you buy the farm. Now every day
you have to blindly take out a jelly bean. If you take stupid risks such
as smoking or drinking and driving and so on you grab a handful of jelly
beans instead of just one.
Some people grab the black jelly bean early on and die at a young age.
Some folks use up every bean in the bowl, but eventually, we all have to
get to the black jelly bean. All of us diagnosed with prostate cancer
have grabbed a few grey jelly beans - let's hope there are a lot more
white ones left, and the black one is buried at the bottom.
---------------

Back to top
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited . . .
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the spirit.
(Source unknown)

-------------------
Trading Places on ADT
There'a nothing like a course of Hormone Therapy (ADT - Androgen
Deprivation Therapy) to help you understand your womenfolk - so says
Neutrond-Electrond Bob. Here are some of the things you'll share:
Weight gain - watch it happening
Hot flashes - how many today, dear?
I've got a headache - guys never liked hearing that one, now we say it
You become concerned about your breast size - enlargement for men
You have doctors probing some pretty strange places
You enjoy watching non-violent t.v. movies and gal flicks more
You start talking to strangers about your medical conditions or looks
You start hanging out with larger numbers of the same sex to talk
(support groups)
Not tonight dear - not any night now, dear!
You enjoy going to see your doctor and talking on the phone more
You know why women have to work out even when they are in shape
You don't ask for beer, but ask where your supplements are.
You start eating some weird foods and avoiding your favorites
You start listening closely to your wife
You know more about your doctor than your brother-in-law
You learn how to spell medical words and their meanings
Your friends and family wonder if you have been abducted by aliens

-------------------------

FAQ on HMOs
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go
back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered
that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he
was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I
want?  
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These
doctors basically fall into two categories-those who are no longer
accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a
half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.
What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart
transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20
co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

----------------------
SNIPPETS OF WISDOM
Cures
Extract from "Flowers In Winter" by Sir William Keys.
His specialist is talking about his remission - which he refers to as a
'cure':
" … my personal observation, common to all 'cures' has been the
unshakeable determination of the patient to show just how wrong (and
usually how insensitive and apparently uncaring) those bloody doctors
could be. The patients make up their minds to beat cancer and also to
beat the doctor who implied that they couldn't."
----------
All  Members
should know these!
Three Things
Never trust a fart.
Never pass by a urinal.
Never waste an erection
(Even if you are on your own!)
(Mac)
---------------
Willet Whitmore, one of the deans of modern urology, once said:
"Many more men die with prostate cancer that of it. Growing old is
invariably fatal. Prostate cancer is only sometimes so."
An Observation
You can shake and dance
Like you've got ants!!
But the last few drops,
Go in your pants!!
(Mac)
-------------------

The Dash
I read of a Pastor who stood to speak at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone, from the beginning - to the
end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth -
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all was - the dash between those
years.
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth,
and now only those who loved her, know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own; the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend…our dash.
So think about this long and hard, are there things you'd like to
change?
For you never know how much time is left. You could be at "dash
mid-range".
If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So, when your Eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to
rehash…
would you be pleased with the things they say - about how you spent your
dash?
Reproduced - from an Anonymous Author.

-------------

Without Hope
The dawn is coloring the sky as I write this. Soon it will be light
enough to see the whales in the bay beneath my window. They are calving
and mating.
At sunrise, my dogs and I will take our daily walk up the mountains
behind the house. The spring flowers - what we call fynbos - are
beginning to blossom and there is color everywhere. Later in the day, or
perhaps tomorrow, my wife and I will drive up the coast to see the wild
flowers which are all in full bloom and creating a kaleidoscope of the
bush land.
Everything is wonderful and it is great to be alive.
But … there is a cloud no bigger than a man's hand on the horizon.
This week I must get my PSA count checked again. The thought is not a
happy one. If it has stayed down, we cannot celebrate our good fortune.
We will merely know that the beast still appears to be caged. But we do
not know for sure. Many people are only too pleased to tell us about
others who have metastases with low PSA counts. Bad news has many
companions. Perhaps too the doctors are right who have said that the
regimen I am following is merely masking the spread. But we'll maybe
only know the answer to that in twenty years time, with a bit of luck.
And if the count is up? What to do then? Is it a blip in the chart? Is
it the genuine thing? The wait for the next test will be awful if this
one is up. But that is what we have to live with, all of us who have
been diagnosed with this disease, no matter what action we have taken.
Always looking over our shoulders to see if the beast is out and after
us.
It's hard on all of us, and even more so on the lonely road of holistic
medicine I have chosen. Without hope, it would be impossible, I think.
(Posting on a message board)

---------------
 

Ric Masten - Poet/Philospher/PCa Survivor
WORDS & ONE-LINERS

BILATERAL ORCHIDECTOMY
never could
look up words in the dictionary
in a high school assignment
writing an autobiography
I described my self as a unique person
scribbled in the margin
the teacher's correction fairly chortled "unique" not "eunuch"
how could he have known
that one day I would actually become
a misspelling
backed against the wall
by advanced prostate cancer
I chose the operation
over the enormous ongoing
expense of chemical castration
"No big deal." I thought at the time
what's the difference
they both add up to the same thing
but in the movies these days
during the hot gratuitous sex scene
I yawn…bored...
wishing they'd quit dicking around
and get on with the plot
and on TV the buxom cuties
that titillate around the products
certainly aren't selling me anything
I realize now that
although it would probably kill them
the guys who went chemical
still have an option
I don't
philosophically I'm the same person
but biologically
I 'm like the picture puzzle
our family traditionally puts together
over the holidays
the French impressionist rendition
of a flower shop interior
in all it's bright colorful confusion
this season I didn't work the puzzle
quite as enthusiastically...
and for good reason
this year I know pieces are missing
where the orchids used to be
"So?" says I to myself
"You're still here to smell the roses!"
©Ric Masten

knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional