Hello,
I feel badly for you and your mother.
This was years ago, but my mother died 2 weeks after her lung cancer
diagnosis.  She was in hospital for ~6 weeks and it took some time to find
the cause of her ongoing pneumonia.  Same age as your mother.  They
(relatives) withheld the info from me, probably because I had a trip
(holiday) planned to go visit them, a month or so later, on the other coast
and I suppose were hoping she'd live long enough for me to see her. It didn't
happen, so it's a blessing that you live nearby.

Sounds to me that your mother's cancer had already spread when she was
diagnosed. (but perhaps the other tumors could not be seen, at that time, on
scans).

You do need to be strong and keep toxic people (and behaviors and habits) far
away from you and your mother.
(I saw your post elsewhere).
Are there others nearby, you can rely on to lean on, support you ?

J - will watch for your followup

Mom is 68 years old, she was first diagnosed with breast cancer last
summer and had surgery to remove the growth. All reports was positive
until November she started having a hard time breathing and they sent
her to a lung specialist which discovered the cancer had spread to her
lungs and throat. She is at home only 2 miles from me. Thank you for
responding, I am just having a hard time accepting this

Irishgirl

I can understand it being a shock to you. Cancer does that.  I would try to
see your mother as often as you can.  Remember your mother is still your
mother and needs your love and support. Cancer can be isolating and now is
the time to be there for your mom. ( I am also a cancer survivor). Can you
help with meals? Do you take her to chemo and stay with her.  I can tell you
as a patient the longest hours are the ones where you sit and wait. It is so
wonderful to have you family there for support and help kill the time.

My mom had lung cancer that she died from. She was a bit older than your
mom, 79 almost 80.  My kids were school age and I worked, but I tried to
spend as much time with her as I could.  Does your mom have a social worker?
They can help you adjust and find support so you can cope.  I have 2
sisters, one sister spent some time with my Mom the other one couldn't cope.
She is still having issues around guilt.  My point is that you don't want to
live with regret.

Remember this is about your mom , not you. Of course it is hard to cope with
a cancer diagnosis of a loved one, but it is even harder for the patient to
accept this.

You will be in my thoughts.  And best luck with your Mom.

On Feb 1, 8:31 pm, J <nswex@nalid;non> wrote:

J
Thank you so much for the advise, I had not even thought about
hospice, I have been so upset I could not think straight. I am afraid
I could not handle the words from the oncologist, but I will ask to go
with her next time. I have to be strong, for her...I am going to see
her tomarrow, she loves ice cream and she has not been eating much
solids as the cancer is in her throat also. Thank you for helping get
my mind together. I need help to help her.

Thanks again if you think of anything else, keep me informed.  I know
this is so hard for her, and I am struggleing also.
Irishgirl

Hi Irishgirl,
              Cancer is a frienghtining illness,not only for the one that
has it, but also for the ones that have to watch their loved ones suffer.
I have terminal lung cancer and have lived with my cancer for over eight
years now although my time remaining is now drawing to a close.

As someone who has cancer , Some days I need lots of cuddles and hugs from
my family some days I wish to be left alone to rest my body and my mind but
some days I need that kick up the rear end to stop me feeling sorry for
myself and making life hard for those that are caring for me .
My advice is , talk openly to your Mum about her illness , It helps us to
talk things through rather than bottle it all up inside. Support your Mum on
her visits to the hospital and when she is with the cancer specialist . I
know how hard it is to face some of the things that we have to listen to
from the oncologist, but it has to be faced head on . It is better to face
the known facts than worry over what we are just guessing about.
Ask about possible treatments available , I have gone through three lots of
chemo therapy now and I am hoping that I will be offered a little more in
the next week or two , It can have bad side effects but it can also do a lot
of good as well . and remember! where there is life there is hope , and
remember the power of prayer.

I am a 62yrs Old guy from N Wales fighting for every new day , help your Mum
do the same .
Love and God Bless ,  Peter.

Hello Irishgirl,
How did things go for both of you this weekend ?
J