You might say 'badly'.  I spent months, maybe over a year, thinking that
each incident was a return of the cancer.  I, personally, don't think that
this is a bad thing.  Overly nervous, or overly cautious, or understandably
cautious?  I think they are all the same, in action.  Each of them makes us
call the doctor and have it checked out.  You are doing the right thing!
And the emotional roller-coaster is just that, the ride of your life.  Ups
and downs are a part of a cancer diagnosis.  None of us escaped that ride.
But many of us survived it.

Take Care,  Sharon
http://www.rare-cancer.org

Hi Mark,
I'm glad you posted.

I can't speak from personal experience with cancer but I read the breast cancer
newsgroup.  They (some) have to have lymph nodes removed also and the feeling
left over worries them. I'm also currently watching Anita with two cancers in
her neck area and awaiting a third surgery.  Mighty uncomfortable and scarey.
So after reading your post and description of the surgery, it's no wonder you're
worried.

I know a lady who lives in fear, who doesn't even have cancer. She's spent the
last 30 years of her life, living in fear, almost totally locked away in her
home and only goes out when accompanied by her hasband for short periods. It's a
sad way to live life, isn't it?

You have a right to your feelings.  Just don't let it take over your life.
Trust you'll be able to handle whatever comes. Trust in your doctors.
Otherwise a person can become paralyzed with fear and not get the most out of
life.
Best wishes on the checkup on Thursday. Do keep in touch and let us know.
J

"Mark Jeffcoat" <mjeffcoat1@comcast.net> on 27 Jan 2004 suggested:

Mark,

       Welcome!! Sorry you are joining us with the issues you are facing,
but I hope those of here will be able to help you get through it much
more comfortably and easily!

       You know.  It's okay to be scared.  Most of us are scared of the
unknown, and the future will always be unknown until it passes.  But do
your best to focus on something other than the fear.  I don't really
know how to explain that better.  Maybe facing the fear, and carrying on
with as normal a life as you can anyway would be a good way to think
about it.

       We all have reactions to things that come up in our lives.  The
question is how we deal with that reaction, and how long we dwell on it.  
What works for me is to simply find out what can be done about the
current "weird thing" that has come up, and go full blast to taking care
of it in the best way possible.  The key is to not give up, and not let
these things overwhelm you.

       What has worked best for me is doing the things I enjoy, as much
as I can, especially spending time with friends and others I care about.  
Trying to keep your life as normal and engaged is the best way to stop
thinking about those other things you HAVE to deal with.  Anyway, those
are my thoughts, and I hope they will be of some use to you!  *HUGS*  I
send you my best wishes!

--Douglas

Hello Mark,
I am a twenty year survivor of stage two breast cancer.  About half of the
lymph nodes that were removed from my underarm were malignant.  I did a
modified radical mastectomy and a year's worth of CMF chemotherapy.  Chance
of recurrence for me is slightly higher than your percentage.

For a few years after my diagnosis, I was terrified of the cancer's return,
praying everyday for cure.  I finally realized that the many tomorrows I was
praying for were becoming todays and yesterdays and I still wasn't believing
in my good health.  Like you, I didn't want to live my life in fear.
Gradually, I began to accept the healthy todays.  I still have some bad
times when health related issues arise, but I have to believe my oncologist
when he says that I'm entitled to all the same things I'd have gotten if I
never had cancer.

There are no guarantees even now, but I'd sure have hated to have spent the
last twenty years as miserable as I was at the beginning of the journey.  I
raised my two children, have five beautiful grandkids, have taught
kindergarten for 25 years and am still crazy about my husband of nearly 35
years.  That's a lot of good living since a cancer diagnosis.

I am fully aware that there are many folks in this group and another I write
to that are actively fighting this miserable disease and my prayers are for
a lot of us now.  I  really hope you get some reassuring news as you check
out what is currently happening for you now.  My best wishes to you, Mark.

Barb

If the wierd feelings are prickly feelings in your arm and back it is
normal. It is the nerves reconnecting. I also had one spot if I
touched it the wrong way the pain was intense but that went awayafter
I had my nodes out
As far as being scared I think it is normal and you will feel better
as time goes on. Are you having chemo?
Alex

Hi Mark.  I'm not the one with cancer, my hubby is.  Rob (my hubby) is
an incredible person.  He said that when he woke up from surgery, he
knew who he was, and who loves him and that's enough for any man.  His
outlook has been upbeat from the very beginning.  

First of all, you don't HAVE to be the tough guy.  It's ok to feel sorry
for yourself on occasion, just don't let it rule your life.  I think
we're entitled to a pity party on rare occasions.  Pity party over?  Ok,
now, get the weird sensations checked out.  There's usually a totally
rational reason for them, but you have to know that first hand.  

That being said, is there anything you've ever wanted to do, but didn't
feel as though you could for some reason or another?  Is there something
that you'd regret never having done if you were to go tomorrow?  Of
course there is.  Go do it, see it, say it, feel it.  You have a very
good life expectancy from this cancer, but that doesn't mean that you
have to be dour, sober, and glum.  Go out, have fun, and let yourself
feel that your life has just begun, it has.  That doesn't mean you can
forget any responsibilities, but you can use your spare time for the
good stuff you always wanted to do.  

Now that I've given you the pep talk I've been giving myself....

Pam S. who's going to see if Rob wants to go camping more often, or
travel more, or what ever he wants to do.

Mark, I will keep you in my prayers. It's so hard not to be scared.
Cancer scares everyone, the one's with it and the one's who love
someone with it. I want to tell you not to be scared, but instead I'll
just let you know I'm here for you. Jill