Thank you for your kind thoughts.

I do feel grateful that we have pretty much said all we need to say to one
another. We had a conversation a couple of weeks back in which she told me
I'd "always been a source of pride and joy except for the grumpy bits" (!)
and I responded that I felt the same way about her except for the overly
critical bits. :) I told her I knew that at a time like this I should
probably say something profound but that I couldn't think of anything to say
right at the moment. She said she couldn't either, but the fact that we've
always made it clear how we felt about each other meant - at least to her -
that we didn't have any unfinished business.

I followed that conversation up with a letter my sister read aloud to her (I
don't live nearby), in which I tried my best to convey what she has meant to
me, thanking her for being such a wonderful mother and for all the love and
kindness she has shown me throughout my life. My sister said my mother cried
as she heard it but my mom later told me on the phone that the letter had
really cheered her up. In a way I feel that letter got her attention more
than anything I could have said to her in person because of all the hubbub
that was going on around her during my last visit and the fact that she
seemed not to want to dwell on anything touchy-feely (she's a very private,
pragmatic person). So I'm grateful for that.

My mother isn't taking in very many fluids now, and her urine has a rather
dark, pinkish cast to it. I'm worried that's a sign of a bladder infection
due to the catheter but the hospice doctor said it's a sign of her system
shutting down. Does that sound right to you? I just don't want her to be in
any pain from an infection that could be being treated...

Thanks,

Julie

You are doing all that you can Julie.  Don't be concerned about the
food/water intake, what will be will be from now on.

Hugs

Alayne

My Dad lasted 8 days - with no fluid or food, he had a very large stroke and
we decided to let him go.
It doesn't sound like your Mom has much time left but could go on for hours
to days. What does the hospice nurse say?
Signs of the Active Phase of Dying
 a.. inability to arouse patient at all (coma) or, ability to only arouse
patient with great effort but patient quickly returns to severely
unresponsive state (semi-coma)

 b.. severe agitation in patient, hallucinations, acting "crazy" and not in
patient's normal manner or personality

 c.. much longer periods of pausing in the breathing (apnea)

 d.. dramatic changes in the breathing pattern including apnea, but also
including very rapid breathing or cyclic changes in the patterns of
breathing (such as slow progressing to very fast and then slow again, or
shallow progressing to very deep breathing while also changing rate of
breathing to very fast and then slow)

 e.. other very abnormal breathing patterns

 f.. severely increased respiratory congestion or fluid buildup in lungs

 g.. inability to swallow any fluids at all (not taking any food by mouth
voluntarily as well)

 h.. patient states that he or she is going to die

 i.. patient breathing through wide open mouth continuously and no longer
can speak even if awake

 j.. urinary or bowel incontinence in a patient who was not incontinent
before

 k.. marked decrease in urine output and darkening color of urine or very
abnormal colors (such as red or brown)

 l.. blood pressure dropping dramatically from patient's normal blood
pressure range (more than a 20 or 30 point drop)

 m.. systolic blood pressure below 70, diastolic blood pressure below 50

 n.. patient's extremities (such as hands, arms, feet and legs) feel very
cold to touch

 o.. patient complains that his or her legs/feet are numb and cannot be
felt at all

 p.. cyanosis, or a bluish or purple coloring to the patients arms and
legs, especially the feet and hands)

 q.. patient's body is held in rigid unchanging position

Well, my dear mother is finally at peace. She was struggling for breath this
morning and severely congested and the hospice nurse called for oxygen. They
put the mask on her face and she simply didn't inhale. That was it. She had
basically been panting for about a day and it seemed that perhaps she
decided not to fight it anymore. Thank God she's no longer suffering. Thank
you all for your kind thoughts.

Julie