v6firebird@rogers.com said...

Whereabouts?  I'm in southeast Wales if that's any help; my mother's
recently had surgery to remove a malignancy from her mouth.

Hello Russell,
I'm very sorry about the whole situation. It must be so frustrating you.
I don't know that we've had someone with so many organs affected all at once
lately.

We've had several in the past 6 months or so, who lived far away from their
loved ones with advanced cancer.
Unfortunately, we've not heard lately from them here.
I was in that position, Mom (in BC) had lung cancer and I wasn't told until
about a week before she died.

A time frame is very often difficult. And with kidney cancer, there can be blood
loss and high BP problems.
Just the bone pain alone sounds excruciating and perhaps partly why he's on the
morphine, which makes it doubly difficult to prognosticate, because usually when
on morphine, we're liable to be thinking very soon.

Is he not able to have radiation therapy where he is <question> sorry, my
keyboard is acting up.
Most often, treatment is given on an outpatient basis in a hospital or clinic 5
days a week for several weeks. This schedule helps protect normal tissue by
spreading out the total dose of radiation.
The reason that I'm asking is that there might be a limit to how much pain
control they can give him without actually hastening his death.  Is he in
palliative care or hospice <question>
Is he at home or in hospital  <question>

To further complicate mental status, pain and perhaps prognosis, is the
possibility of hypercalemia which in of itself can be life-ending. Not to
mention stones. Is that being treated, if applicable <question>
http://www.cancer.gov/cancerinfo/pdq/supportivecare/hypercalcemia/patient/

My thinking would be to get the pain under control, then see if his attitude
towards your mother would improve.
Or is that just his nature <question>
I know Dad was always hard on Mom, but his "bark was worse than his bite".  But
when Dad died, it was not from the previous cancer, but an infection perhaps
associated with his ostomy.  And he was mellowed with us and had no pain.

Once the pain and other issues are sorted out, then we have left a generally
grumpy disposition or a need to want to protect you from seeing him suffer or
not wanting someone hovering over him or flying back and forth, since his time
left with you is really so unpredictable, at this point.

Emily is a very nice lady, but I wouldn't want her walking in on a bad
situation. If she lives near, maybe she can talk with your mother by the
telephone and keep in touch that way, for you.<question>.  Do not post telephone
numbers here.
I see you  e-mail is not munged <question>, so perhaps if possible, Emily can
e-mail you <question>

First though, could you please try to answer my questions <sorry about the
keyboard thing - question>
Hang in there, despite technical difficulties, we'll help as best we can.
J

Hello Russell,

I forgot to tell you there's also private ACOR lists at www.acor.org
For instance: Kidney http://listserv.acor.org/archives/kidney-onc.html
and metastatic http://listserv.acor.org/archives/metastatic.html

Also some (of) what your father might experience in the future might be here.
http://crossingthecreek.com/guts.htm

There's a number of regulars here, Alayne, Emily, Steph (radiation oncologist -
Canada), Mike in palliative care in Australia) and a number of others.
If you just feel like ventiing or want someone to listen or an understanding
shoulder to lean on, we'll be here reading.

Questions? Ask away, someone will help, if possible.

HTH,
J

v6firebird@rogers.com said...

Hi Russ

I had a word with my BiL in Bridgend this afternoon: he had
treatment for colorectal cancer a few years back in what I suppose
is the 'main' hospital in Bridgend these days.  I asked him if he
knew of any cancer support groups in the area.  Apparently there's a
hospice somewhere near (IIRC) Kenfig Hill that has a day centre
where people can drop in; also he reminded me of the existence of
BACUP, who in his opinion might be a useful first port of call.  
ISTM that even if your father doesn't want to know, your mother
could probably use the support.  Unfortunately, looking at their
'local centres' link on their web site elicits nothing in Wales at
all, let alone in Bridgend; however there's a freefone number to the
UK hotline (0808 800 1234) for "for information and support from our
specialist nurses" which might be worth a try.  Their main website
is at http://www.cancerbacup.org.uk/Home

I'm not going to force myself on anyone; just so that you know
though I'm still here, so if I can help in any way please feel free
to let me know and I'll give it a go.