Anne,

I see what you're saying. From what the oncologist said at our first visit,
Don is a terminal case, but my question is does that change. I can't get a
real straight answer from his dr. just percentages. Don says that he doesn't
think the onc expected him to be doing as well as he is because he said he
always looks pleasantly surprised at his check-ups, like "you're still
here?"

Don's been through the hippiedom rock & roll band era when Jim Morrison was
a frequent friend at his place in LA, but Don never got into the drug scene
not even pot ... I didn't know him back then, but I know people that did.

I was attracked to him when we met because he was the guy that played his
gigs, liked a wholesome life, drank milk and played basketball or tennis,
etc...he didn't even drink! Not even a beer ... always drank Pepsi. I was
amazed because most people I knew had their drinks, weed or whatever. He was
like a breath of fresh air.

I figured it out when I saw how much he was into his music. If not at a gig,
he was in the studio. I asked him about the stereotype I had always heard
about with musicians, and he said that the ones that were messed up on
drugs, etc. can't play like they should, screw up in the studio and miss
gigs. He has had to fire a bass player because he smoked so much pot that he
kept dragging during concerts, which really affects the drummer's timing as
well and then the whole band.

He was road manager too at the time and the guy was a great friend, but the
music came first. I remember my ex used to ridicule Don for being the type
person he still is ... he wasn't the party animal, and my ex was a clone of
every party animal you could imagine and in every way.

Don and I became friends for three years, and I saw that he was real. He was
also a true friend. So, how did I get off on all that? Oh, the possibility
of him becoming addicted. I can already see in the past couple of days,
since Don's pain is less, that he hasn't been sucking pops as often and that
he seems a lot more alert so I assume he hasn't been taking his pain pills
as often either.

Let me clarify on the drug scene. Don never smoked pot even back in the day,
but he was in his bunk on the bus one night and had a problem lifting his
arm the next morning. He thought it was just sleeping on it, but it got
worse. We went to seven different doctors for this pain that started in his
arm...even an acupuncturist, chiropractor, osteopath, and finally a
neurosurgeon discovered a ruptured disc. This was when we also discovered
that he had degenerative arthritis of the spine.

Anyway, through this awful pain, the pain meds didn't help him so the guitar
player gave him some pot, and that was the only thing that helped him. He
even told his doctor that, so he has been smoking pot since his back
problems started, but he isn't a 24/7 stoner guy.

It bothered me because I held him up on this pedestal. I didn't understand
that pot helped pain like that and even thought ...yeah right ... just an
excuse to get high, which really bugged me, and that's another reason I quit
going to concerts. The band smoked pot (ironic since he fired a guy for it,
huh), and I felt like an outsider because I didn't partake of the weed and
had just become a teacher and the horror of getting busted scared the hell
out of me.

The week after Don quit playing for Gilley, Mickey's band's bus was busted
and all of them were arrested enroute to another show. Don was supposed to
be on Ricky Nelson's plane but backed out for another gig, and you know what
happened to that and all the drugs involved.

So, weed has been the only problem we've had in the past years of our
married life. I was like a brick wall that had been built...my white knight
had been tarnished, and I sure didn't want the kids knowing about the pot
because they were becoming that age where they might try to experiment
themselves, and they thought anything Don would do would be okay.

So, now, me, the old prude, could care less how much pot he has as long as
he doesn't hurt. But then smoking pot is still smoking, right. I have taught
drug ed. and learned that one joint is ten times worse than one cigarette.

With saying all that, this is why I don't think he'll become addicted to the
other drugs. He's had plenty of opportunities but wasn't into it. He'd
rather just have the pot when he needs it. But I could be wrong. The reason
that my daughter and I had been the ones to write down his pain med doses is
because we were afraid that since he was groggy from them that he might not
remember when he took one. We had him tell us every time he took a pill, and
then we'd write it down.

Before his cancer dx he went to a pain clinic for the arthritis problem, and
they put him on methadone. They had him taking about nine pills a day. He
did this for a few weeks, and it did help, but he got tired of taking it and
quit cold turkey. He said that he felt like his arms were stretching out of
his body for the first night and since then hasn't touched any pain meds
until the cancer dx. He told all of this to his oncologist because he was
afraid of the same thing happening again.

I got the feeling that the oncologist wanted him to take pain meds because
he told him that he could prescribe him whatever he wanted, and Don just
told him whatever he thought would help but not methadone. So, then he
started the morphine.

I pray that his pain continues to lessen so he can feel healthier, and now
weed is just a small thing compared to him having SCLC, extensively. If he
gets out to the concert this weekend and keeps feeling better, stronger, I
don't think it will be much longer before he's back playing again full-time.
That's his real drug of choice, his music.

Sorry I wrote such a long post ... I get started sometimes and just rattle
on...I'll try to quit being so long-winded or long-fingered? Whatever the
word is for writing ... writers are bad about not knowing when to stop, and
since I quit the paper, I've been into withdrawal myself.

Have a great day!

Giuditta

Hee hee - kitty Bartholomew is doing his first exploratory round in one
small part of the house. Isaac sometimes watches, sometimes ignores.  
Barth is feeling comfortable with me. We'll see if that holds b/c I just
started laundry in his safe haven.  He doesn't like the noise, but I have
to wash clothes.

I am SO glad Don got out & enjoyed himself.  I hope this happens more &
more.  And I hope the scan gives good results.  Sometimes they come out
better than others it seems.

Have a great rest of w/e.

Fig

It's hard to know what the onc will say this time, G.
Be there, if you have questions. Write the answers down.
Good luck.
J - thinking of you all