Helo Jay,
Thanks for your kind words about me.

I'm sorry to tell you that Lowkey's posts ended abruptly because he was
hospitalized due to a sudden and severe brain hemorrage. . It was with
great sadness, that we were, soon after, informed by his wife that he
passed away on Monday, November 24th.  He will always be fondly remembered,
by those here, who accompanied him through his cancer journey and no doubt,
will leave a lasting impression on those who read his posts, in the
archives. I miss him.

I did a bit of homework, myself (checking the archives) and find that your
life has been a struggle, on and off; whether health problems or other, so
I understand your question about suicide.  I've been struggling with that
issue most of my life.  I usually don't like talking about it, over the
internet, for fear of giving people ideas about doing it. I have made
numerous efforts, in my life, to befriend and hopefully, in one way or
another, convince persons, young or old to not do it.  In some situations,
I failed but don't blame myself for that. I was reaching out to another, as
a layperson. Other resources had been involved, so I can't take
responsibility for the actions of others, is how I view it; only did the
best I could, with what I knew at the time.

I don't blame people who do commit suicide; but it does (often) leave a
scar on those left behind, although I know of one family (kids and wife),
who seem to have recovered from the shocking events and have a mostly
normalized life now.  My thinking is how does one decide to end it today,
not knowing whether things might turn around somewhat tomorrow?  In other
words, even when on thinks things cannot get better, there can be a
solution (or improvement) just around the corner.  Not a cure, such as in
your situation, but perhaps a medicine, that you aren't aware of that could
help the neuropathy.  Or a massage technique or combination of efforts that
might help your situation.

I can't tell you how many people who've been through here, who've come to
the end of the line of treatments, no longer able to tolerate and things
looked awful, in terms of quality of life, but once in hospice perked up
considerably, some for months or even a year.  If I recall correctly,
Mark's mother was one of them. She could not walk and we despaired that she
ever would, but once in hospice, under their care, the next thing we heard
was she was going out shopping and if I recall correctly had 2 or 3 more
mostly quality months.
http://www.sixstringtheory.com/blogger/blogger.html  Read "Update on Mom".
(looks to me that he deleled previous posts)

Then there was Glo's sister, in treatment, in hospital, I'm sure for at
least a year; but after hopsice care got involved, and with the help of her
sister was "dancing" in the Congo line, at a family reunion. Glo showed us
the pictures and her sister was having the time of her life. And Sali's
husband, who got 2 of 3 bestest wishes fulfilled and if I recall correctly,
passed away in the arms of his wife, surrounded by caring friends.

It ain't over until it's over. If you're in hospice, post the medicines
you're taking. Not sure when Mike will be here, (long weekend) but he may
have some suggestions.
If you're not in hospice, maybe it's time? And/or there's a bridge program,
which if I recall correctly helps while a person is still in active
treatment.

Treatments? Well, what are you treating? - If there's no frank tumor to
shrink.  Maybe time to take a break and compare notes or get suggestions as
to what else might help more than harm. Where are the mets?  Liver and/or
???

Stay with us a bit, if you are able.  Let's give it a whirl; maybe we can
convince you that life can look and be better, with some changes.
(hopefully my next reply won't be so long).
J

Hi Jay,

I don't mean to intrude on your conversation, but felt compelled to write.

Please don't consider taking your own life, no matter how low you may be
feeling right now, there is always hope, there is always a tommorow when
things may be seen in a different life.

Life really is so precious, you may not feel so yourself right now, but I
have lost a loved one and have had to deal with the gaping hole; my children
have no father, I have no husband, and his parents have no son.  We had no
choice because he had a GBM brain tumour, but the devestation was bad enough
without having to deal with the knowledge that it was a deliberate act.

I realise that you may not be thinking straight right now, perhaps because
of your pain but turn over every stone to try and make life more bearable.
Contact hospice, contact macmillan, go for counselling, vent here.

I'm not standing on a soap box because as I say I've watched my husband
suffer but there are many people willing to help you.

Warm Hugs

Alayne