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Alayne - 29 Aug 2006 09:26 GMT

Hmmm, bit of a strange day yesterday but thought that I would share so that
those with children needn't be too disheartened at the thought of how they
will cope with loss.

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of losing my Tony (can't believe how
quickly time has passed).

Usually we choose a mini rose or similar to plant in a pot mixed with some
remaining ashes to go by the water fountain and marble plaque to mark the
occasion. I decided that this year was going to be different cos the area
is getting a bit full now.

I asked the girls what they would like to do (they are now 11 and 14), to
cut a long story short we ended up celebrating a "Happy Death Day" (the
words of my youngest!) making a banner, baking a cake and going to Burger
King (Tony's fav. place).

Okay so I had a few tears at bedtime but I am sure that having such an
upbeat day would be appreciated by the man himself ;-)

I realise that all kids are different and they probably take their cue from
me, but I found it surprisingly pleasant.

Warm Hugs to All

Alayne

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Figgertoes - 29 Aug 2006 10:41 GMT

> Hmmm, bit of a strange day yesterday but thought that I would share so
> that those with children needn't be too disheartened at the thought of
[quoted text clipped - 22 lines]
>
> Alayne

Alayne,

I always knew you were a smart lady, but what a stroke of genius -
letting them commemorate in a way that makes sense to them. I'm sure
they & you honored Tony's memory this way just as much as a more solemn
ceremony would.

And, yes, Tony doesn't strike me as the dreary sort, so why not have the
sort of occasion he would have enjoyed? I'm thinking of offering Socks a
bottle of Fat Tire (microbrew) on his upcoming anniversary. He & his
siblings did similar for their father. We can share the beer.

I'm glad you got through the day & found it pleasant!

Hugs,
Fig

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J - 29 Aug 2006 17:26 GMT

> "Alayne" <totallyfake@email.com> wrote in
> > Hmmm, bit of a strange day yesterday but thought that I would share so
[quoted text clipped - 17 lines]
> siblings did similar for their father. We can share the beer.
> Hugs,

<lots snipped - but seconded to you both>
J

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Emily - 29 Aug 2006 18:57 GMT

J said...

> <lots snipped - but seconded to you both>

More snipped - but ditto to what J said because I can't think of
anything to add and it sums up exactly what I was thinking :-)

Did you know that in Greece (and maybe elsewhere too) they have 'death
day cakes' in the same way that the rest of us have other celebration
cakes? They have a huge sponge cake, iced in white and decorated with
silver sugar balls. The cake is cut into lots of little pieces and
shared among the community. I thought it was rather a lovely idea when
I came across it years ago. I thought it was an even lovelier idea when
I was offered a piece, even though I was a visitor to the village.

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figgertoes - 29 Aug 2006 19:30 GMT

> J said...
> > <lots snipped - but seconded to you both>
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
> --
> Em

Well, Alayne, just when we think we've discoverd something unique, we
learn someone else has already thought of it. So you're following an
old Greek tradition, but you knew that, right? LOL

I've been hanging out with a Greek guy here, & from what he says, we
should all make tracks to Greece. Sounds like a lot of fun. He says
to go to the small family places without menus. Was also describing
how the community bakery works where people make their dinner & take
the pan down to be baked in the village communal oven. Now that's a
concept an enviro can get excited about. Sounds like more fun than
cooking at home too. Here, have a taste of my spanikopia...I made
enough to share...They can make a festive occasion around most
anything! I'll have to ask Pavlos about the death day cakes.

Fig

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Alayne - 31 Aug 2006 09:51 GMT

>J said...
>> <lots snipped - but seconded to you both>
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
> I came across it years ago. I thought it was an even lovelier idea when
> I was offered a piece, even though I was a visitor to the village.

Hi Em,

It's a fab idea making a cake. It seems that for centuries people see loss
as something to be solomn about (which indeed it is) but it then makes us
overlook the happiness that we share in knowing someone, and it is this
feeling that we should be celebrating.

As I mentioned to Fig. the "Happy Death Day" banner, needs some working on
but that's only cos it seems to offend others ;-)

Hugs Flower

Alayne

p.s. Bet the Greeks make better cakes than my Nik (unless you like bright
green sponge!)

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Alayne - 31 Aug 2006 09:47 GMT

>> Hmmm, bit of a strange day yesterday but thought that I would share so
>> that those with children needn't be too disheartened at the thought of
[quoted text clipped - 39 lines]
> Hugs,
> Fig

Hi Fig,

Sorry it's taken a while to respond, it's going completely mental with the
rally tickets at the moment (complete sell out!!)

I seem to have become my own ambassador for cheerfulness rather than sadness
;-) The way that I see it is that enough tears were shed during diagnosis
and treatment and then losing Tony, that if this is the way we choose to
mark his anniversary, then it will simply be more tears. And that is so not
what life is all about. I do question myself though (and wonder if the men
in white coats are coming for me) because it comes across as so strange to
others. My builder commented on the "Happy Death Day" banner that Nikki
made and I felt that I had to explain myself. But it is an 11 year olds way
of "celebrating" something. It's the life that we are celebrating not the
death, and as we spent twenty years together I am sure that he would be
smiling up at us.

I think that it is an excellent idea of yours offering Socks a bottle of
brew too. It's all down to perspective and if you set yourself up to be in
a positive frame of mind then you will be more positive about it. It's not
for everyone, and I have only been able to do it this year and it's not to
say that my pillow wasn't a smidgen wet that night ;-)

Hugs Hon.

Alayne

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