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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Cancer / September 2006my mum has secondary liver cancer
my mum was been diagnoised with secondary liver cancer last tuesday originally from her having breast cancer 4 1/2 yrs ago, she has been told she has a considerable number of spots on her liver so many so that surgery is out of the question. I've asked on the internet about a transplant but i know she is too far gone for that. She already has jeordice (not sure if that is spelt right) and is starting to have naps in the afternoon because she is so tired. What i really want to know is how long you think she may have left the doctors said 6 months but i went and saw her last weds-sun and noticed her eyes were more yellow from the jeordice and she wasn't as active and that was in 5 days we reakon a couple of months but how longs a piece of string!! I know it is hard to say but there is no harm in asking regards belle > my mum was been diagnoised with secondary liver cancer last tuesday > originally from her having breast cancer 4 1/2 yrs ago, she has been [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > I know it is hard to say but there is no harm in asking Hello belle, I'm sorry to hear about your mother. You might be closer in guesstimating than the doctors. Is someone caregiving her? You may wish to call the MacMillan or Marie Curie nurses. We've heard wonderful things, from Alayne, about MacMillan. Their help is also for family and/or caregivers. She also told us that they help with "Memory of a Lifetime". Perhaps Alayne's lurking and would explain what that is. J >> my mum was been diagnoised with secondary liver cancer last tuesday >> originally from her having breast cancer 4 1/2 yrs ago, she has been [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > explain what that is. > J My dad was told he had 6 months left but lived for another 3 years, but everyone is different. i personnaly wouldnt want to see anyone go for as long as he did. > >> my mum was been diagnoised with secondary liver cancer last tuesday > >> originally from her having breast cancer 4 1/2 yrs ago, she has been [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > everyone is different. i personnaly wouldnt want to see anyone go for as > long as he did. Hello Dawn, Did he have jaundice when he was told that? I think the prognosis is better if there's just a few tumors in one lobe, but from the description belle gave us there's a whole bunch of little ones... Hugs J >> >> my mum was been diagnoised with secondary liver cancer last tuesday >> >> originally from her having breast cancer 4 1/2 yrs ago, she has been [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > Hugs > J He didnt get jaundice till near the end. Belle, i was pregnant when my dad died and didnt get chance to tell him but i believe he is looking out for his grandson. And i keep a big picture of him on the mantelpiece so he will always know about his granddad Mum is organising a hospice to go into the last few days she doesn't think dad would cope with it if it happened at home which we all think is a good call, she has been looking at the Ryder homes in Buckinghamshire which have a relly good reputation so we will see. It's not as if i am not use to this in my family my Grandad died 4 years ago to lung cancer, my uncle died last year to rectal cancer and it has been on ongoing with my mum so to be honest it has not come as a big surprise but i just didn't think i would happen now. Its the small things that get to me, i gave birth to my daughter in november last year and mum won't get to see her grow up and possible not see her first birthday, seeing my brother get married next year and things like that shes only 53. belle > > my mum was been diagnoised with secondary liver cancer last tuesday > > originally from her having breast cancer 4 1/2 yrs ago, she has been [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > explain what that is. > J > Mum is organising a hospice to go into the last few days she doesn't > think dad would cope with it if it happened at home which we all [quoted text clipped - 58 lines] >> explain what that is. >> J So sorry to hear your news. My Mum died of Breast Cancer with mets to the liver in 1987, she was 47. Three of my close friends lost their mothers to the exact same cancer within the next year. I was told by my Mums doctor that there was a connection between her type of cancer and the early contraceptive pill (high dosage). If your mum has the same cancer it's very aggressive and you possibly don't have as much time as the specialist is suggesting. Unfortunately my Mums doctors were really slow off the mark, my mum ended up seeing the specialist on 27th November and died on 8th December. She had been feeling unwell for about a year, just general tiredness with no pain, it was only in the last month that the liver became swollen and from that point things happened very swiftly. The MacMillan nurses are angels, they have a freephone number, if you go to your local doctors surgery you can pick up the leaflet there or check the website http://www.macmillan.org.uk/home.aspx Hope everything goes as well as possible for your family and your Mum. Helen J said... > We've heard wonderful things, from Alayne, about MacMillan. > Their help is also for family and/or caregivers. She also told us that they > help with "Memory of a Lifetime". Perhaps Alayne's lurking and would > explain what that is. If Alayne's lurking she may also be able to offer local advice. Belle's posting from Cambridge, which is also Alayne's area... Hugs to you Belle  SignatureEm (south Wales UK) Thanks everyone for your advice and kind thoughts it means a lot to me that i havae people i can talk to and get advice from when i am feeling a bit low. I will pass all the information on to my mum that people have given me and let her make the option what she wants to do. I got a bit upset last night cause we were going on a spa weekend next weekend but she told me last night she does not think she would have the energy to go which i do understand but i still felt gutted because it will probably be the last weekend we would be able to spend together just the two of us. I know i can go see her at home but there will always be people around i know that may sound selfish but i just want to get time with her because we are so close and always have been. I suppose it is just a bit more reality that sunk in too god life can be a bitch sometimes (excuse the language)!!! Belle x >J said... >> We've heard wonderful things, from Alayne, about MacMillan. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Hugs to you Belle Hi Gang, Sorry to have been missing for a while (builders and holidays have taken my time and attention!) The memory of a lifetime that I mentioned is organised by the Willow Foundation but would not be applicable here because it is for people under 40 (we only just scraped through). From memory, it is for people in the UK to help create a memory of their loved ones, a "special day" can be organised depending on what you would like. We chose to take the girls to Legoland and they paid for our trip (with two friends to assist me), two nights in a very plush hotel and transport there and back, including taxi from hotel to Legoland. It was a wonderful experience, my own regret is that we didn't organise something when Tony was in better health so he could have enjoyed it more (he was wheelchair bound, hardly any eye sight and heavily medicated). Belle, Sorry to hear about your mum, it's never easy facing a situation like this. There is support available, particularly MacMillan, they are truly wonderful people. I'm not 100% sure which area you are from, Emily mentioned Cambridge? In this area there is a Cancer Support outlet at Addenbrookes hospital in the main concourse where you can simply turn up. As far as hospice goes, the only one here (and again, a wonderful place full of wonderful staff) is the Arthur Rank Hospice down Mill Road. They also run a day centre and respite, but I think that you need a GP referral. It's going to be tough Belle, but you will have inner strength (although you won't think so now), and we will all be here to offer comforting hugs and open ears should you need them. Warm Hugs Alayne Alayne said... > >J said... > >> We've heard wonderful things, from Alayne, about MacMillan. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Hi Gang, Ooh, look who's back! How're you doing Alayne? > Sorry to have been missing for a while Huh, so I should think. > (builders and holidays have taken my > time and attention!) Oh 'eck, I guess we'll have to let you off then. How's the extension coming along? Have you slaughtered either of the girls yet? News reports seem to suggest not, so I assume you're all surviving the 6 weeks summer hols. > Belle, > > I'm not 100% sure which area you are from, Emily mentioned > Cambridge? Belle posted from a certain educational establishment in your neck of the woods. She's either a very dedicated student, or she's staff and therefore doesn't have any choice about being there at this time of year. Or I suppose she could just be using a cam.ac email addy and really be posting from Outer Mongolia - I didn't think of that. Belle? How're you doing? Chin up and smile. It's not necessarily easy, but it gets people wondering what you're thinking about. Hugs from south Wales SignatureEm Hi Em I work at the University of Cambridge research for cancer (bit ironic really) hence my e-mail address so unfortunatly unlike the students i don't get time off like they do. I live in Suffolk (not quite outer mongolia) which is near cambridge but my mum lives in Buckinhgshire. I'm ok at the mo have good days and bad days but thats part of the process you can't be happy all the time with something like this!! I think the worse my mum gets the worse i will become just the fact watching her deterioating but i will be ok im a strong girl had a lot of stuff happen over the past 5 years so made me quite strong willed on occasions that isn't such a good thing!! Hope everyone is good and thanks Alayne for your information i may well put it too use i didn't realise they had one at Addenbrokes and its good you can just show up i will probably need it over the coming months. Belle x > Alayne said... > > [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > Hugs from south Wales > Hi Em > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > Belle x I think the support centre at Addenbrookes is called Mary Wallace, it's through the concourse near Barclays Bank. Another brilliant resource Belle are Macmillan nurses (your GP should be able to put you in touch), they offer support to the entire family and are angels without wings. I was pleased to read in the newspaper yesterday that they are building a new cancer support centre here in my village, Great Shelford, apparently the owner of Scotsdales (the big garden centre here) has donated a piece of unused land together with 100K to get them started. With all the NHS cut backs at the moment it is a blessing to see that some areas are still progressing. The road ahead will be tough for you Belle, but we'll be looking out for you. Warm Hugs Alayne belle said... > Hi Em > > I work at the University of Cambridge research for cancer (bit ironic > really) hence my e-mail address so unfortunatly unlike the students i > don't get time off like they do. The Department of Life's Ironies... > I live in Suffolk (not quite outer mongolia) which is near cambridge > but my mum lives in Buckinhgshire. There are some rather nice places in both counties. I used to know people in one of the Chalfonts. > I'm ok at the mo have good days and bad days but thats part of the > process you can't be happy all the time with something like this!! Well no, it would be asking a bit much... > I think the worse my mum gets the worse i will become just the fact > watching her deteriorating but i will be ok im a strong girl had a lot > of stuff happen over the past 5 years so made me quite strong willed on > occasions that isn't such a good thing!! What is it they say? Oh yes, it's "character building". Load of rubbish really, of course. What actually happens is that when circumstances hit us like yours we crumble and go to pieces. I'm 'lucky' at the moment because my own mother (squamous cell carcinoma in the mouth) is very much alive and kicking, albeit losing weight because she's having difficulties eating properly, and because although I love her we've never been particularly close. There's also slightly more distance geographically between her and me than there is in your case (she's in Greater London/Kent) and we're used to not seeing one another for weeks (months even) on end. That said, at some stage she, like the rest of us, will die of something - and it won't be easy to deal with. I suppose it could be like scar tissue: after a bit the wound heals and is supposed to be stronger... mind, my experience of scar tissue is that it can remain tender for a long, long while... Tell you what though, you've found a group in a million here. Everyone's very supportive, and you're among friends who care. More hugs from Welsh Wales SignatureEm > Alayne said... >> [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Ooh, look who's back! How're you doing Alayne? Not bad Em thanks for asking. Holiday was good although I wish someone would stop messing with the temperature control, it would have been nicer to have had some of the heat wave of last week ;-) >> Sorry to have been missing for a while > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > reports seem to suggest not, so I assume you're all surviving the 6 > weeks summer hols. Yes, it is a bit of an ooh eck ;-) came back a day early and caught the builders by surprise. They've been doing my bathroom while I've been away and whilst it's lovely (although not complete!) there is thick dust absolutely everywhere. Reminded me of the time when I left Tony at home while I went away for a few days one year, and his lordship decided to build more PA cabs in my front room!! I'm sure he was addicted to MDF!! No, haven't slaughtered the girls just yet, although have plenty of big holes in the back garden for disposing of their bodies. Trouble is, I now also have to do hedgehog duty cos they keep falling in them and can't get out. Three more weeks to go....... How are you coping? Although as Mother Earth I suppose it is a breeze for you ;-) How's you Ma doing too?? Huge Hugs Alayne Alayne said... > > Alayne said... > >> [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > would stop messing with the temperature control, it would have been nicer to > have had some of the heat wave of last week ;-) August is meant to be hotter than July, haven't you heard? I don't think August has heard, or if it has it's steadfastly ignoring it. > >> Sorry to have been missing for a while > > [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > while I went away for a few days one year, and his lordship decided to build > more PA cabs in my front room!! I'm sure he was addicted to MDF!! Aha! Room for a conspiracy theory here? Warning: MDF is carcinogenic! Shock, horror... except that someone's sure to have done that one already :-( I'd have given a lot to have seen your face when you came back though - or maybe I wouldn't. Some things are best left to the imagination. I'm imagining a small firebrand spitting flame and... poor Tony *giggle*. > No, haven't slaughtered the girls just yet, although have plenty of big > holes in the back garden for disposing of their bodies. Trouble is, I now > also have to do hedgehog duty cos they keep falling in them and can't get > out. Put little ladders in? > Three more weeks to go....... How are you coping? Although as Mother > Earth I suppose it is a breeze for you ;-) Ha. This mother earth is sitting at the computer trying to pretend the children aren't here. Last night saw me very carefully removing floppy disc labels from a photograph, courtesy of my youngest. She's 6, and if she makes it to 7 it'll be nothing short of a miracle. Thursday is A level results day; next week it's GCSEs. No one's stressed here yet, and to be fair my oldest isn't likely to, but number 2 is going to get in a right old tizz when her results come through next week because that's the sort of girl she is. I'm going to take my camera with me to the school on both occasions to get photos of the offspring with their results slips and the headmistress. I've promised them the headmistress' head on strengthened paper to use as an archery target... ;-) I have put on loads of weight since the end of term - I blame the heatwave in July. It seemed only sensible to visit the local ice cream emporium and spend lots of money on tubs that turned out not to fit in my over-iced-up freezer (oh dear, we'll have to eat it all now...), followed by more of the same when we realised we'd run out because we couldn't put it in the freezer. The trouble is that Mr Creemy uses double cream in his ice cream and puts genuine rum in the rum'n'raisin - and genuine choccy chunks in the Belgian choc chip... you get the picture? Yes, so we'll gloss over the choc chip cookies ice cream and the fudge with genuine lumps of fudge in and the... And of course, every flavour has to be sampled doesn't it, or how will I know which one I like? The lemon and lime cheesecake is rather good as well. Did I mention that I'd put on loads of weight? > How's you Ma doing too?? She's gadding about in Brussels and Bruges at the moment. Her main problem is not being to eat properly, and then getting told off when she loses weight (I've got plenty of spare she could have) - but how she's supposed not to lose weight when she has difficulty eating is beyond me. Still, she's improving slowly and seems likely to carry on doing so. Just as well really, 'cos I'm not ready to inherit the house just yet. I've got quite enough problems with my own. Mice. Trap-resistant mice. Wibble. What was that about coasting through the summer holidays again? Pass the ice cream... :-)) SignatureEm > Alayne said... >> [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > August is meant to be hotter than July, haven't you heard? I don't > think August has heard, or if it has it's steadfastly ignoring it. No I don't think that August has heard either, it has done nothing but rain since I've been back from hols, thank goodness I went last week. Needed the rain though, although it's made the grass grow again which is a hassle cos the lawn is an obstacle course to cut at the mo. >> >> Sorry to have been missing for a while >> > [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > Shock, horror... except that someone's sure to have done that one > already :-( Yes, MDF is carciogenic but so was working with toxic substances in printing machines all day, not sure which out of the two I could point the finger at, but horse bolted? > I'd have given a lot to have seen your face when you came back though - > or maybe I wouldn't. Some things are best left to the imagination. I'm > imagining a small firebrand spitting flame and... poor Tony *giggle*. Actually I was reasonably cool, and his excuse was he wasn't allowed to use the hoover (only ever used it once and broke it!) Couldn't understand his inability to wash milk bottles though ;-) >> No, haven't slaughtered the girls just yet, although have plenty of big >> holes in the back garden for disposing of their bodies. Trouble is, I [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > disc labels from a photograph, courtesy of my youngest. She's 6, and if > she makes it to 7 it'll be nothing short of a miracle. Hee hee ;-) > Thursday is A level results day; next week it's GCSEs. No one's > stressed here yet, and to be fair my oldest isn't likely to, but number [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > them the headmistress' head on strengthened paper to use as an archery > target... ;-) Fingers crossed and double crossed for good results. > I have put on loads of weight since the end of term - I blame the > heatwave in July. It seemed only sensible to visit the local ice cream [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > like? The lemon and lime cheesecake is rather good as well. Did I > mention that I'd put on loads of weight? What's a bit of weight as long as it was enjoyable to put there. >> How's you Ma doing too?? > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Wibble. What was that about coasting through the summer holidays again? > Pass the ice cream... :-)) Good to hear that your Ma is fit enough to be out and about. The eating is a bit of a problem though. Perhaps you could suggest some of the ice-cream you've taken a fancy to? Or perhaps all the calorie laden puddings that are on offer, trifle with lashings of cream could be easy to swallow? Melted chocolate on everything? Ooh, I'm drooling already. Warm Hugs Alayne > Em > "Emily" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message > [..]>> How's you Ma doing too?? [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > > > -- I missed Em's update earlier. Good to read she's well enough to travel. J > Good to hear that your Ma is fit enough to be out and about. The eating is > a bit of a problem though. Perhaps you could suggest some of the ice-cream > you've taken a fancy to? Or perhaps all the calorie laden puddings that are > on offer, trifle with lashings of cream could be easy to swallow? Melted > chocolate on everything? Ooh, I'm drooling already. J said... > I missed Em's update earlier. Good to read she's well enough to travel. From what I can gather she's fine 'in herself' as they say, but irritated by the inability to eat properly. She's no great fan of pureed food, and I suspect she'd like a good bit of nutty toffee to chew on now and again. She feels a bit foolish having to wear a bib and use a mirror when eating - but having no feeling on one side of her mouth means that she can't feel when food is inside and doesn't know if anything misses. It's embarrassing when you're eating out if you can't find your own mouth after the age of about a year old :-( SignatureEm Hi all Wanted to write an update on my mum. We had oncology yesterday and they told us there is nothing they can do anymore, we had a look at her MRI scan and it was a real shock to the system there is more tumor then liver, we knew it was bad but you always hold on to that glimmer of hope that just maybe there is a way. Seeing that scan just confirmed what we already knew but hearing it from the horses mouth as they say just gives you more of a reality kick. Because over the past 4 weeks she has declined very rapidly she asked time scales they told her it would be weeks rather than months so it won't be long now. When i saw her yesterday she was outside and she was glowing yellow it was really weird to see because i have not seen her for two weeks and she looks how can i say frail. I am doing ok having more ups and downs lately but i am going to i don't think yesterday has really sunk in yet but it will i just appreciate being able to come on here and tell people how much she means to me and how much i love her and what a wonderful person she is and its not just because she is my mum but because it is true. Anyone who has met her has said there is nothing not to like about her and she has touched so many peoples hearts its not gonna be the same wothout her. I don't want her to die i need her to see me grow up and her grand-daughter and a hate the way i am feeling, i will cope i have to i have my own family too, im only 26 it shouldn't be happening yet!!! The worse thing is you have to watch it happen and you are absolutely powerless to do anything and that is the hardest part that you have to take a back seat. Belle x > Wanted to write an update on my mum. > [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > > Belle x I'm so sorry, Belle. It is too young for you to lose your wonderful mother. It's so hard watching the downward changes. You've touched our hearts as well. I wish I could reach out and give you a real hug. Please know we're here caring... ( ( ( Belle and family ) ) ) J > I don't want her to die i need her to see me grow up and her > grand-daughter and a hate the way i am feeling, i will cope i have to i [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Belle x Belle, believe that although you will not be seeing your Mother, she will be with you. She will see yougrow up. She will see the grand, and great grand kids. She will be so proud of you as you go on without her help. Be grateful for the years together you had. That was God's gift to you. You have to belive that, in order to get through all this. This is a truth. She will always be with you. My Mom died 35 years ago, and I still miss her, but I also feel her presence. Especially when I am about to make a fool of myself. She brings me up short! Your Mom will always be with you. Blessings. belle said... > The worse thing is you have to watch it happen and you are absolutely > powerless to do anything and that is the hardest part that you have to > take a back seat. Yes. The hardest thing we ever do for those we love is letting them go. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} SignatureEm > Hi all > [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > > Belle x Belle, I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it is really tough watching a loved one near their end and feel so powerless to do anything about it. It is also very hard to accept in your heart what your eyes can see, I certainly felt this when my husband was in the later stages. One perspective that helped me slightly was feeling privaledged to be with him during his final stages, he used to ride a really fast motorbike and could have met his maker that way or gone numerous other ways like suddenly with a heart attack. I also think it helped slightly with the grieving process because I lost him gradually. You will never truly lose your mother, she will always be there with you, lurking in your heart and in your memories. Warm Hugs Alayne > J said... > > I missed Em's update earlier. Good to read she's well enough to travel. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > anything misses. It's embarrassing when you're eating out if you can't > find your own mouth after the age of about a year old :-( Apologies Em and Alayne. I did not mean to interrupt your conversation. I'm sure readers enjoy them. (Alayne, come back, luv) I hear you, Em. Every time I eat a "real" meal, I think of your mother and how difficult it must be. J Hi all Thanks for your kind words i am so glad i found this sight that i can express myself i know she will always be with me but it still isn't the same especially when i ring her about the most stupid things as i think we all do or have done but i will just remember what she would have said and i will be ok. I will be fine as i said before its not as if it was not expected we knew it would get her one day just not quite so soon but hey sh.t happens as they say(excuse the language). I will keep you all informed on any update i get. Thank you again Belle x > I will be fine as i said before its not as if it was not expected we > knew it would get her one day just not quite so soon but hey sh.t > happens as they say(excuse the language). Hi Belle, When my 21 year old daughter was killed in a car accident 10 years ago, the philosphy that got me through, and continues to get me through, is: sh.t happens, G-d is there to comfort you when it does. Janet SignatureJanet Wilder Bad spelling. Bad punctuation Good Friends. Good Life >> J said... >> > I missed Em's update earlier. Good to read she's well enough to travel. [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > J I'm still here J, just having trouble keeping up ;-) If it's not the builders making loads of noise in the background, it's the childrens bums on this seat and when I do finally get a look in, I am too distracted to keep up. When I do finally get a turn, there's a hundred or so threads to work through. I would also rather be totally commited to responding than just half hearted. Hopefully things should get back to normal soon. Only 18 more days of school holidays...... (and yep, I'm counting!!) Warm Hugs Alayne Alayne said... > Only 18 > more days of school holidays...... (and yep, I'm counting!!) A level results out today - my oldest is off to university :-))))) SignatureEm, chuffed for him. > Alayne said... >> Only 18 >> more days of school holidays...... (and yep, I'm counting!!) >> > A level results out today - my oldest is off to university :-))))) Wicked!! I take it the brain cells come from the male side of the family - duck!! Warm Hugs Alayne Alayne said... > > Alayne said... > >> Only 18 [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Warm Hugs Well let's just say that my husband did his first[1] degree at a university not a million miles away from you and Belle, whereas I graduated (but only just) from Cardiff as a 'mature' (the term refers to age, not mentality) student some time later. No.1 son will be going to University of Wales College Lampeter in the middle of September, at which time I shall borrow isolation scrubs from the local hospital or lab, and fumigate his bedroom. [1] He then went on to UCL to do a Ph.D, which he never finished. Which is a shame because otherwise he could call himself 'doctor' and annoy people here ;-) SignatureEm Hi Guys, Well done guys for your kids A-level results bet it has made you all proud either that or you are looking forward to having a clean house without any dodgy smells coming from particular rooms or finding old bits or food and smelly socks at the bottom of the wardrobes. My daughter Jasmyn is only 9-10 months old so i have all this too look forward too and i have noticed any parents that i talk to about their kids that are older seem to tell me a load of horry stories which really makes me feel good about the future!! Anyways i am up at my mums at the mo spending as much time as poss with her we are going shopping in marlow tomorrow she wants some nighties for when dhe goes into the hospice i think so i suggested some pretty frilly slippers too and she proceded to tell me to shut up!! Its nice this weekend for the first time ever i have no daughter with me my other half is doing the babysitting (hopefully he will really learn how hard a baby is and what a star i really am) and i am enjoying every moment even though i am a bit apprehencive of the state of the house when i get back but i keep telling me it will be fine but you know men can't multi task for the life of them. Big hugs too all Belle x > Alayne said... > > [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > is a shame because otherwise he could call himself 'doctor' and annoy > people here ;-) SignatureBetsy > Hi Guys, > [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] >> is a shame because otherwise he could call himself 'doctor' and annoy >> people here ;-) Get your Mum some of theose short heeled slippers witht he feathers to match and I bet she will laught her butt off. Good luck with the house? Been there and was only happy once in 37 years. Men are useless sometimes. I even drew arrows on the washer so he would know where to set it to GO! Betsy belle said... > Hi Guys, > > Well done guys for your kids A-level results bet it has made you all > proud either that or you are looking forward to having a clean house > without any dodgy smells coming from particular rooms or finding old > bits or food and smelly socks at the bottom of the wardrobes. My elder daughter is distraught because she wanted him to fail! When asked why, she replied that she doesn't want him to go to university because she'll miss him so much. All together now: Ahhh. I'm looking forward (but not all that much) to finding out just what it is in his room that reminds me of stale cheese, and hitting it with a lump hammer until it's dead. > My daughter Jasmyn is only 9-10 months old so i have all this too look > forward to and i have noticed any parents that i talk to about their > kids that are older seem to tell me a load of horry stories which > really makes me feel good about the future!! It's not that bad Belle - my youngest is 6 and although she can be a right little madam I wouldn't swap her or her occasional tantrums for anything. Not that she's at all spoilt, you understand, oh no not a bit of it. Much. Honestly though, I think children are at their most fun when they're learning the most, i.e. before they start school. Every new thing is exciting and worthy of careful scrutiny, whether it's a leaf, a woodlouse or a new word to be experimented with. Watching little ones with something that they've just found or trying out a new skill is a marvellous experience - and you've a few years of that ahead of you. > Anyways i am up at my mums at the mo spending as much time as poss with > her we are going shopping in marlow tomorrow she wants some nighties > for when dhe goes into the hospice i think so i suggested some pretty > frilly slippers too and she proceded to tell me to shut up!! Do we take it from that that your mother doesn't 'do' frilly? :-) > Its nice this weekend for the first time ever i have no daughter with > me my other half is doing the babysitting (hopefully he will really > learn how hard a baby is and what a star i really am) and i am enjoying > every moment even though i am a bit apprehencive of the state of the > house when i get back but i keep telling me it will be fine but you > know men can't multi task for the life of them. Odd that, isn't it. Mind, my husband is far better at the 'housewife and mother' thing than I am. I'm hopeless, and it shows. People ask me how I cope with five children, and my response is that I don't 'cope'; I just get on with it. The house resembles a cross between landfill tip and the aftermath of a jumble sale; the children are all fairly independent (it's that or starve) and vacuuming and ironing are things that happen to other people. I'm not particularly proud of it (in fact not at all, because we've now got mice making themselves at home - yuk), but that's the way it is. I'm glad you've had a weekend with your mum and without your baby though - even the very best and dedicated of parents need the occasional break from their offspring to recharge the batteries, and your little one is at a very tiring age where she's wanting to do things for herself but probably isn't quite ready. Frustrating for all concerned. Take care and don't forget to make time for YOU while you're in the midst of being a mother and a daughter, otherwise you'll wear yourself out and be of no use to anyone, least of all yourself. SignatureEm Wanted to give you another update on mum. I spoke to dad last night and he said in the past 24hrs she has gone down hill very quickly she is in bed most of the time and she has not really got an appetite so as dad said i think we are looking at a week to 10dys before she goes maybe sooner. I don't know what to do with myself at the mo i keep asking myself was our family so bad that they are all being taken away i've lost my Grandad my uncle and now my mum. My family has always been kind, caring and have opened their doors to anyone who needed them so why us???? I am hurting so much at the mo but i am trying to keep it together for my family and my own sanity but i don't know if i can much more i know i have too but it is so dam hard. How can something that starts so small be so evil and take people away from you with a click of your fingers!?! I will keep you all update on how she. Belle x belle said... > Wanted to give you another update on mum. > > I spoke to dad last night and he said in the past 24hrs she has gone > down hill very quickly she is in bed most of the time and she has not > really got an appetite so as dad said i think we are looking at a week > to 10dys before she goes maybe sooner. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} > I don't know what to do with myself at the mo i keep asking myself was > our family so bad that they are all being taken away i've lost my > Grandad my uncle and now my mum. Whoa there. That's not how it works. Bad things happen to good people all the time. You haven't done anything 'bad' and nor has anyone else. sh.t happens. It's no one's 'fault', least of all yours or your family's. > My family has always been kind, caring and have opened their doors to > anyone who needed them so why us???? Why not? Why anyone? You can't apportion blame, because there isn't any blame to be apportioned. Or maybe it gives everyone else a chance to open their doors to you? I don't know. All I know is that thinking this way isn't going to get you anywhere. > I am hurting so much at the mo but i am trying to keep it together for > my family and my own sanity but i don't know if i can much more i know > i have too but it is so dam hard. More {{{{{hugs}}}}}. Come on love, don't be so hard on yourself. Dry your tears (for now) and make the most of the time you have left with your mum. <Aside> You're lucky - both your parents have seen their granddaughter. Some of us never had the chance to introduce the next generation to both parents.</Aside> Focus on the good things for as long as you can, because otherwise you're going to do harm to yourself. You know you've done nothing wrong; you know as well as I do that cancer isn't caused by that sort of action. Have another hug, a cup of tea or coffee and some choccy cake. And go and see your parents. Talk to your mum, take your daughter with you and let her give her grandma a cuddle. Try to turn your thoughts to celebrating what your mum has been rather than what's happening to her now. I know it's easier said than done, but it's worth a try even so. /me passes the choccy cake plate to Belle SignatureEm > belle said... > > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > than what's happening to her now. I know it's easier said than done, > but it's worth a try even so. To expand on your post, for Belle, hearing and feeling will start becoming important at this point. Some examples: Rub her feet and toes with warmed oils, and speak with her directly. "It's Belle and I'll be here with you" Hold her hand between your warm hands and identify yourself and tell her you'll be okay. (even if you don't believe it). We'll miss you dearly, but it's okay to let go, when you feel it's right for you. Gently press your hand on her cheek or forehead and speak close to her ear and tell her what you've always wanted her to know: examples: You raised us good and I will carry your wisdom with me for the rest of my life. I love you, you're my hero. The feeling is not so important after she passes, but do ask hospice to leave you some extra time with her. Say your last goodbye and "we'll be okay'. Cry and give her one last gentle hug. And continue talking close to her ear, until you feel it's time for you to go or someone else wants similar time. ( ( ( Belle ) ) ) J. Em i know bad things happen to good people all the time and i know we have not done anything bad and i am not blaming myself in the slightest because it is not my fault it isn't anyones fault but anyone in my shoes feels the same and asks the exact same questions so i am not doing anything out of the norm. My mum takes that approch when we ask why she replies "why not me" i agree but i don't agree it is one of those topics that can turn into a real big debate and at the end of it no-one has an answer but again it is the same reaction people have when going through this and again im not being any different from how people normally deal with this situation. I am certainly not trying to "apportion blame" and i know it won't get me anywhere but you still can't help feeling that way. I am a very strong person and have a lot of inner strength and i will get through this but i come on here to tell you my feelings at the time and yes i am having a bad day i ain't gonna deny it btu everyone has good days and bad ones and i did say the worse she is the worse i will be and as she has only got @a week left i am not going to be happy and chirppy i am gonna feel sh.t and down and upset because thats the way it works. Please don't take the e-mail the wrong way because i know your are just trying to help. Hugs Too Belle x > belle said... > > [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > /me passes the choccy cake plate to Belle belle said... > I am a very strong person and have a lot of inner strength and i will > get through this but i come on here to tell you my feelings at the time [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > Please don't take the e-mail the wrong way because i know your are just > trying to help. I haven't taken it the wrong way at all, so don't worry on my behalf. I wish I were there with you to dispense hugs in person. I do know what it's like, because I went through it with my aunt, with whom I was very close. I was closer to her than I've ever been to my mother (her sister). I had no warning when my father died; no chance to say goodbye or to tell him how much he meant to me. In some ways I envy people who have that chance... I understand completely that you're feeling ghastly right now, and I'm not in the least trying to say that that's wrong. I reckon however a person feels is right for that person, and you'd be a very unnatural daughter if you weren't feeling the way you are. What I meant to say (maybe I didn't express myself well - I'm very good at getting it wrong) is that 'why me' is a pointless question to ask, even rhetorically. What you need now is closeness with your mum and your dad, and any siblings you may have. You all need to let your mum know that it's OK for her to let go (even, as J said, if it's not at all OK) and that you love her and know she loves you. Your dad may be wrong, of course - but in case he's not, just be there for her. The experts reckon that the last sense to go is hearing, so talking to your mum, even if it's complete nonsense, is good. Don't keep your daughter away - she's just as much part of the family as older people are, and it will mean a lot to your mum to have her close and to hear her babbling away without a care in the world. I know I can sound cold sometimes, but I'm not, not really. It's easy for me to say all this - I'm not you and I'm not in your position. My own mother is doing fine and is likely to carry on doing so for a long while yet; however as I said, I do know what it's like to lose a much- loved parent. I just wish I'd had the chance to say and do all the things you now have the chance to say and do. Pass the tissues this way please because I've set myself off crying now and I'll go and put the kettle on. We'll all be here for you over the next couple of weeks and beyond. Here, have some more {{{{{hugs}}}}} to keep you going while the kettle boils. SignatureEm > I don't know what to do with myself at the mo i keep asking myself was > our family so bad that they are all being taken away i've lost my > Grandad my uncle and now my mum. Stuff happens, Belle. It has nothing to do with whether you are good or evil, it just happens. Cancer kills, war kills, evil people who believe they are acting in the name of G-d, kill. > My family has always been kind, caring and have opened their doors to > anyone who needed them so why us???? Why anyone's family? There are lots of things to think about, blame is not one of them. > I am hurting so much at the mo but i am trying to keep it together for > my family and my own sanity but i don't know if i can much more i know > i have too but it is so dam hard. Life isn't easy. In the past 10 years, I buried my daughter, both of my parents, my dear aunt, a good friend and two beloved pets. I'm in thr process of having my mouth cooked and looking at months of recovery after my treatment ends. Stuff happens. No one gives you options. You live with it. Wish I could be more cheerful, but the truth often is not cheerful ---- Janet Wilder Bad spelling. Bad punctuation Good Friends. Good Life > I don't know what to do with myself at the mo i keep asking myself was > our family so bad that they are all being taken away i've lost my > Grandad my uncle and now my mum. Belle, I am posting again what I sent to you earlier. This believe has helped me through the months following the loss of my beloved husband. And I do feel his presence every day. I know he watches me and over me. Your Mom will, too. Be the way she would want you to be.......I know only too well how hard it is. .You will never stop missing your Mom no matter how old you get!! " Belle, believe that although you will not be seeing your Mother, she will be with you. She will see yougrow up. She will see the grand, and great grand kids. She will be so proud of you as you go on without her help. Be grateful for the years together you had. That was God's gift to you. You have to belive that, in order to get through all this. This is a truth. She will always be with you. My Mom died 35 years ago, and I still miss her, but I also feel her presence. Especially when I am about to make a fool of myself. She brings me up short! Your Mom will always be with you." Blessings. >> I don't know what to do with myself at the mo i keep asking myself was >> our family so bad that they are all being taken away i've lost my [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Blessings. I so agree with the above. I'm approaching 3 years of losing my husband Tony, and not a day goes past when I don't think of him in some small way. The grief at the very beginning of a loss can run very deep and images are clouded with the illness they suffered, but as time passes through that, memories are brighter and happier. I strongly believe that we never truly lose our loved ones, we may in the physical sense, but certainly never in our minds or our hearts. Warm Hugs to you both. Alayne Belle, Ive just read your thread and am just writing to say that what you are feeling right now is how exactly im feeling. My mum is aged 66 and about 8 months ago she went into our local hospital with what turned out to be gall bladder problems. They operated and removed the gall bladder and let my mum go home. Everything looked ok for a while and she actually improved, less sickness and diahorrea etc. But last thursday she took not well and she was re-admitted by ambulance. Initially they thought that it was just "grit" left in her bile duct but on saturday then did a CT scan and yesterday they called my dad an i over to the hospital. A surgeon took us into a side room and told us that the scan had shown that there were tumours in her liver, spots on her lungs and that it had tracked into her lymph glands. Im 41 years old and married with an 18 year old son but have been crying on and off since we got the news yesterday. Im felt angry, guilt, sorrow but most of all entirely useless. My mum who brought me into this world is dying and i cant lift a finger to help her. All they can do is give her drugs to ease the pain and once that happens they are going to let her go home. Last night i had the task of telling my son who bounced in the door after being out with his friends and then seeing him become so deflated. I told him that his gran loved him and was very proud of him. He said that hed never told his gran how much he loved her and i said to him "dont worry she knows...". So this morning i took my son over to see her. He sobbed all the way over in the car and we got ourselves together b4 we went in. The strange thing is and maybe im wrong here is that my mum has accepted that shes only got a few more months left and that once she gets out, shes going to enjoy whats left of her life and not sit in the house feeling sorry for herself. Im so proud of her and love her to bits and am going to see her every day in case its the last day. Im in scotland and cancer over here affects a lot of people and families. Im sitting here at my keyboard still numb and feeling so so low. I want my mum to be here are long as possible but at the same time dont want to see her suffer. I prayed last night for her and cried myself to sleep. My wife is a staff nurse and i watched her father die of lung cancer a few years ago. She comes from a big family and theres still times when shes down that she thinks of her dad. Sorry for rambling here and if i seem to be hijacking ur thread. My thoughts are with you and all your family. Im trying to put a brave face on it for my mum and my son but its hard. Going to do some housework to try and pass the time. God bess you all and hope that you get through this. Take care. Tom > >> I don't know what to do with myself at the mo i keep asking myself was > >> our family so bad that they are all being taken away i've lost my [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Alayne > Belle, > [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > mum and my son but its hard. Going to do some housework to try and pass the > time. God bess you all and hope that you get through this. And our thoughts are with you and your family, Tom. I'm very sorry to hear about your mum. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. The older threads get lost (deeper into the newsgroup threads, for those reading through Google), so, when you post again, please start a new thread (topic/post) so others can keep up with your situation, separately. Thank you. J Hi Guys, I wanted to let everyone know that mum passed away @7am on Saturday (2nd Sept) she went very peacefully i wasnt there even though i thought about going to see her becasue i was up at 5:30am but i didn't but i don't have regrets about it. I am so sorry to hear about your mum Tom there are no words that i can say to make the situation any easier, the only words of advice i can give you is have no regrets with your mum tell her everything that you want her to know and do everything you want to do with her or as much as you can because once she does go you will feel content in a weird sort of way because you have done everything that you could untill her time comes well that is how i feel even though it is devastating and it does not seem real yet. It is going to be so hard and as you have probably read in my past notes you are going to feel so many emotions i don't think it has hit me yet that mum has gone because i am being very calm about it and i am at work today, hopefully her service will be on thurs/fri this week depends on the funeral directors i think it will hit me then. My thoughts are with you and your family i can't say anymore than that beause there is nothing else i can say that will help but be strong and don't hide your emotions let them out even to your mum. Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and advice since i came on here it has ment a lot to me. Regards Belle x > Belle, > [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > > > > Alayne belle said... > I wanted to let everyone know that mum passed away @7am on Saturday > (2nd Sept) she went very peacefully i wasnt there even though i thought > about going to see her becasue i was up at 5:30am but i didn't but i > don't have regrets about it. That was quick. Hopefully that also means relatively painlessly and easily. I'm glad you don't have any regrets about not going to see her. You didn't need to go - you have memories from the days when she was very much alive and full of vitality, and they're the times you should focus on rather than the more recent times of illness and pain. Easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I know. But you will find over the next year or so that the pain of loss gets less and finally it will become bearable. I don't think it ever goes away entirely, but it does get easier. Honest. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} SignatureEm Hi Belle Just to say im so sorry to hear about your mother passing away, but now shes at rest and not suffering any more. I know that might not be any consolation for you. My mother was discharged from hospital yesterday and to be honest is glad to be home. She has seen the oncologist and has decided to give the chemo a try. She starts the chemo on the 19 Sept. I was up at her house last night for an hour and up tonight for a while. I plan to get over every night even for only a short time. She knows i love her and i think shes resigned to the fact that the chemo probably wont work, but shes got her catholic faith and she said that we'll be together if not in this life but in the other. Morbid i know for some, but her belief and my family's beliefs. I will be thinking about you and your friends and family for the funeral. So keep your chin up. God bless you all. Kind regards. Tom > Hi Guys, > [quoted text clipped - 102 lines] > > > > > > Alayne > Hi Guys, > > I wanted to let everyone know that mum passed away @7am on Saturday > (2nd Sept) she went very peacefully i wasnt there even though i thought > about going to see her becasue i was up at 5:30am but i didn't but i > don't have regrets about it. I'm sorry to read about your mum, Belle. May you all find peace and an ease from the pain of losing her. Pam S. who never knows just what to say Hi Guys, I wanted to let everyone know that mum passed away @7am on Saturday (2nd Sept) she went very peacefully i wasnt there even though i thought about going to see her becasue i was up at 5:30am but i didn't but i don't have regrets about it. I am so sorry to hear about your mum Tom there are no words that i can say to make the situation any easier, the only words of advice i can give you is have no regrets with your mum tell her everything that you want her to know and do everything you want to do with her or as much as you can because once she does go you will feel content in a weird sort of way because you have done everything that you could untill her time comes well that is how i feel even though it is devastating and it does not seem real yet. It is going to be so hard and as you have probably read in my past notes you are going to feel so many emotions i don't think it has hit me yet that mum has gone because i am being very calm about it and i am at work today, hopefully her service will be on thurs/fri this week depends on the funeral directors i think it will hit me then. My thoughts are with you and your family i can't say anymore than that beause there is nothing else i can say that will help but be strong and don't hide your emotions let them out even to your mum. Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and advice since i came on here it has ment a lot to me. Regards Belle x > Belle, > [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > > > > Alayne > Hi Guys, > > I wanted to let everyone know that mum passed away @7am on Saturday > (2nd Sept) she went very peacefully i wasnt there even though i thought > about going to see her becasue i was up at 5:30am but i didn't but i > don't have regrets about it. I am sorry for your loss, Belle. Take comfort that she went peacefully. I think The Creator gives us certain coping skills that help us to get through all the things we need to do like making arrangements. Most people don't feel the reality of the situation until the service. Please know that we will be here to help you through your grief. This email address is valid. Feel free to write if you need a shoulder. My Mom died 3 years ago. I understand Hugs, Janet SignatureJanet Wilder Bad spelling. Bad punctuation Good Friends. Good Life > I wanted to let everyone know that mum passed away @7am on Saturday > (2nd Sept) she went very peacefully i wasnt there even though i thought [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > at work today, hopefully her service will be on thurs/fri this week > depends on the funeral directors i think it will hit me then. Yes, it can hit later, Belle. You'll be in my thoughts later this week and beyond. Your love for your mother will go on forever and hers for you, in your heart. ( ( ( hugs ) ) ) J Hi everyone, Thanks for all your kind words it is really sweet. Mums funeral is not going to be untill the 18th Sept!!! this is because mum wants a church service (for everyone) and the crematorium (can't spell that word) reasons being the crematorium (family only) does not have a long service so getting them both free at the same time is a pain. Also mum was an air traffic controller and she wants all of her watch to come and they only get certain days off so we have to work around them too which is not a problem, it is just a pain we have to wait so long i need to get some sort of closure now on this because i know i still have this too come but there is nothing i can do about it now!! Anyway just wanted to let everyone know that my thoughts are with all of you that have gone or are going through what i have and be strong as a lady told my Grandma once maybe loved ones who pass on have furfilled there destiny in life but you have not yet and there is things you still need to be here for. Big Hugs and Love Belle x > Mums funeral is not going to be untill the 18th Sept!!! this is because > mum wants a church service (for everyone) and the crematorium (can't [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > long i need to get some sort of closure now on this because i know i > still have this too come but there is nothing i can do about it now!! Oh yes, you can, Belle, (start closure) if there's an airport near you. Spend an afternoon or evening, watching the takeoffs and landings. Takeoffs are starting their journey and those landing have reached their destination. Think of your mum that way. Take lots of tissue. Love and hugs J |
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