Marc, it is natural to feel on the edge of a void - you are entering
unchartered waters as far as you and your wife are concerened.  I think that
it is really good that you are there for your wife, although you BOTH are
going to need a lot of support.  You sound a bit angry by calling it a
monster in her head, I don't blame you!  That is exactly how we felt - Tony
wanted to reach in and drag it out himself, although once he calmed down a
bit, we did name the tumour Brian (no idea why!)  My husband was 39 when he
was diagnosed and when he was waiting for a CT scan we saw a young boy
(about 5/6) waiting too, complete with radiotherapy mask in his hand - life
is so cruel eh!

When Tony was first diagnosed (actually 28th Oct last year and that date it
looming again), we decided that we could deal with this down two paths.  The
diagnosis was mind-blowing (he had never been ill in his life) and once we
recovered from the shock we could either get terribly upset and distressed
and in our opinion "waste" the limited time that he had left, or look it in
the eye, and do our utmost to beat it and try and continue with a "normal"
life.  We chose the latter, it was a difficult journey for us all but at the
end of the day, no-one knows what is around the corner and we could all be
living on limited time anyway.  (Ironically my husband used to ride a
motorbike that was nick-named the "widow maker").

You are not selfish Marc, your wife's illness is going to affect your entire
family and I hesitate to say it, but you should prepare yourself for a rocky
ride.  You have time now to enjoy your beautiful home (sounds idyllic) and
to fill your head with many magic memories, should you need them in the
future.  You also have your children and they I am sure will be a blessing
should the unimaginable happen.  I have two beautiful daughters myself (aged
8 and 11) and without them actually doing or saying anything, they have
helped me enormously in my grief, if nothing else they have provided a
non-stop distraction.

Marc, I visit this user group every day (I now can't seem to stay away from
it).  When Tony passed away I felt the need to help others and really want
to do so.  I am not a medic but I am here to listen should you want to ask
questions, or just have someone to listen to you.  When Tony was in the
hospice I found great comfort from talking to another wife of a Glioblastoma
patient, and it can be really useful to lean on each other for support.

I am here for you Marc rest assured.

I wish that I could reach into this monitor and give you the biggest hug!!

Alayne

Hello Marc,

It must have been a terrible shock for you. It is for most cancer patients,
unless of course they had some symptoms that led them to think so before
diagnosis, but even so hearing the word "cancer" and diagnosis and prognosis
still cuts like a knife. If you feel that a mild anti-depressant might be
helpful to you, go for it.  There's no shame in needing help. There may also be
support groups at your local cancer centre for family. Use them, that's what
they're there for.

Perhaps Alayne can share treatments that her Tony received that she felt
"bought" them some quality time.
There's also a mailing list here
http://www.braintrust.org/services/support/braintmr/ for you and/or your wife.
Perhaps your wife would even want to post here?  Even if they don['t post, be
assured there's probably hundreds or more reading, sending prayers and positive
vibes your way.

When I reread your post, I think "is their glass half-full, or half-empty?"
I sure hope you'll take the time, if your wife's well and able, to enjoy what
you've planned and worked toward, your beautiful new home and surroundings.
That's the miracle ....sharing and creating memories that will last you a
lifetime, with no regrets.

Do keep in touch with us, I care.
J