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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Cancer / July 2006For FIG
It will be a year the 18th of September that Franzi "shucked off this mortal coil." (Colorectal Cancer) I never realized until today just how apt that phrase is. I believe with all my heart, that though his spirit left his human body, he did not leave me. I feel his presence. Not constantly. But he is with me when I need him. And at times he is with me when he needs me, I think. I talk to him. And just by the feeling I get I know what his response is. I have pictures all over the place of Franzi. Smiling. Not smiling. On the beach. Skiing. On a bicycle tour. We two together during our many trips and many celebrations with friends and family. His three sons arrived the day after his death. I am certain now, that he planned that, as well as leaving shortly after I had left the hospital, having been assured inasmuch as possible by staff that Franzi would be OK for the night. We all made the arrangements together. You may remember that his urn was in the form of a biodegradable wreath covered with flowers; that his sons and I and my daughter carried this far into the Atlantic and then set it free. In no time all that remained were flowers floating here and there on the sea. My Franzi's body then became one with nature. Perfect for him. He loved nature. That was a Saturday. My sister stayed a couple of days with me and on Monday she and I and her husband who was about the same size as Franzi went through his closet and bureau. Much went to Good Will. Some fit my brother-in-law. We worked for hours and did the whole job. Looking back now I know if they had not been with me, I would never have accomplished this. I did keep a couple of things. The light jacket he always wore. The Bavaria hat that really was Franzi. Not much else. I find that I do not need things to have him near me. He is in my heart and soul. I am sure it is that way for you with Socks. There are days when the pain is almost unbearable. And I am sure that will never go. But everyday I thank God for the time we had together. I always thought of him as a special gift from God for me, and will be forever grateful for that. There are many people that do not find what we had; what you and Socks had. You will find what is right for you to do, and find comfort in the fittingness of it. It is a very personal decision, and yours alone. He was your other half. Blessings to you. -- > It will be a year the 18th of September that Franzi "shucked off this > mortal coil." (Colorectal Cancer) I never realized until today just [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > decision, and yours alone. He was your other half. Blessings to you. > -- Thank you Turtletrot. That was very touching & thoughtful. I think we all do things our own way & Franzi & Socks were people with strong opinions of what they wanted. I know Socks was & that made most things easy for me. I realize many of the things we did were unusual - like the surprise party for him when he was diagnosed/starting chemo. Socks needed to be with all his friends then & it was exactly right. He had not one clue & was truly surprised & happy. Your sea burial was just what Franzi wanted. I was surprised Socks didn't want his ashes scattered over his favorite hiking places. He definitely wanted them buried at a specific cemetery here. And so they are except some I kept for myself, with his permission. I had thought maybe I would remove my rings once the ashes were buried, but no. I wear both his & mine together. Don't want to take them off. Strange, huh? Before he ever became ill, he had said if he ever learned he had a terminal illness, he would strap on his backpack & hike the Colorado Trail until he fell. When he firat became ill, he modified that but planned to complete hiking the trail. He had all the books & plans, friends lined up to hike different parts with him, but the altitude was too great & he was unable to. His life was mostly complete, but there are a few things like that - they make me sad when I think of them. I was fortunate to have him for the time I did. It was good. Shockingly short, but good. me@privacy.net said... > I had thought maybe I would remove my rings once the ashes were buried, > but no. I wear both his & mine together. Don't want to take them off. > Strange, huh? Long after my mother re-married she was still wearing her original wedding ring from my father - and why not? They only missed their silver wedding by a month. Strange now though, in a couple of years' time she'll be celebrating her silver wedding to her second husband, just a couple of years before I celebrate my own.  SignatureEm > me@privacy.net said... > > I had thought maybe I would remove my rings once the ashes were buried, [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > -- > Em I guess it's not the same as divorce at all, so except for sending out confusing signals to the rest of the world, no harm I guess. To tell the truth, I had to google to see which one silver was (having never achieved that myself). 25 years! Wow! Fig figtoes@yahoo.com said... > > me@privacy.net said... > > > I had thought maybe I would remove my rings once the ashes were buried, [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > I guess it's not the same as divorce at all, so except for sending out > confusing signals to the rest of the world, no harm I guess. Well quite. A lot of people don't realise I'm married, because I haven't worn my wedding or engagement rings for years. My fingers got a tad swollen years ago (during a pregnancy) so I took them off - and never got around to replacing them. I still have the rings safely, but I don't suppose they'd fit me now. > To tell the truth, I had to google to see which one silver was (having > never achieved that myself). 25 years! Wow! I know. They would have been married for 25 years in the September and my father died in the August of the same year. Thankfully there hadn't been any big celebration planned, although I did have their present from me burning a hole in my handbag/purse while I was being told the news. I gave it to her anyway, since they'd been together that long and in any case I wouldn't have wanted her /not/ to have it. Mother remarried a few years later and will celebrate her silver wedding anniversary in 2009. I have to wait until 2012 for mine - all of a sudden that doesn't seem so far away... eep! SignatureEm, getting old > figtoes@yahoo.com said... >> >> > me@privacy.net said... > Mother remarried a few years later and will celebrate her silver > wedding anniversary in 2009. I have to wait until 2012 for mine - all > of a sudden that doesn't seem so far away... eep! Hang in there! Wait! You haven't been married as long as Socks & I were - 19 years 2005 for us, but 22 years together (same date). Anniversary was 8/26 & he died 9/7. We did go out & celebrate, amazingly! me@privacy.net said... > > figtoes@yahoo.com said... > >> [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > 19 years 2005 for us, but 22 years together (same date). Anniversary was > 8/26 & he died 9/7. We did go out & celebrate, amazingly! True. My anniversary is very close to yours (22 Aug) and it will be 19 years this year. We've been together for around 21 years - which sounds an awful lot to me but it's gone really quickly. Our birthdays are both in winter, so although we've had weekend breaks for specials like 40th and 50th (his, not mine - I've got a couple of years to go still) we've never done anything with the whole family. For our silver wedding, which of course will be in the summer (so probably tipping down with rain) we're planning a hot air balloon ride with all the children. Even the littlest will be old enough to enjoy it by then (she'll be 12) and the oldest will hopefully be able to chip in with some of the cost :-) SignatureEm, wondering if one of us will strangle the other within the next 6 years... > me@privacy.net said... >> I had thought maybe I would remove my rings once the ashes were buried, [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > time she'll be celebrating her silver wedding to her second husband, > just a couple of years before I celebrate my own. Hi Gang, Always one to butt in on conversations ;-) - but I still wear my wedding ring, only just on the other hand. To remove it completely "didn't feel right", to leave it where it was "didn't feel right", so I compromised with myself! Eeh it's always the little things that become so deep. Sorry I've not been around for a bit, something to do with builders disrupting an already disruptive homelife ;-) Alayne >Hi Gang, > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Alayne My ring fingers are different sizes & I got a lovely diamond for the right one for my birthday. I've never been a 'diamond girl' before except for tennis bracelet. Oh, so your remodel/add-on is in progress. I get security doors next weekend - all around so I can leave doors open to breezes. (Come ON breezes) But no disruption. Hopefully I can leave once they get started installing Fig totallyfake@email.com said... > > me@privacy.net said... > >> I had thought maybe I would remove my rings once the ashes were buried, [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > right", to leave it where it was "didn't feel right", so I compromised with > myself! Eeh it's always the little things that become so deep. I can't recall now what mother did - she may well have put her original ring on her right hand when she remarried. She had 'ordinary' yellow gold from my father; when she remarried she went for white gold and a different colour stone so it was completely different. > Sorry I've not been around for a bit, something to do with builders > disrupting an already disruptive homelife ;-) You're not obliged to be here, you know. I expect most people just assumed - as I did - that you were getting on with life. Still, as you're here, have some choccy cake - I think there's some left in the tin... ah. Sorry, I didn't realise that was the last slice. Never mind, there's probably some tea in the pot, or there's a bottle of wine open on the shelf... help yourself. SignatureEm > totallyfake@email.com said... >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > white gold and a different colour stone so it was completely > different. Mine are the ordinary yellow gold & no stones. I designed them so they're big & chunky. I've noticed more & more white gold lately. Personally, I can't tell the difference from silver except no tarnish. Seems to make diamonds look bigger, maybe since less contrast. >> Sorry I've not been around for a bit, something to do with builders >> disrupting an already disruptive homelife ;-) >> > You're not obliged to be here, you know. But I like it when you are, Alayne. Would like to see your before & after pics. To me it sounds like best of both worlds - familiar + change & more space for your growing family. Fig >> totallyfake@email.com said... >>> [quoted text clipped - 24 lines] > > Fig Smile, I've thought in the past about leaving this group and putting closure on my experience with cancer, but I feel that this group falls into a similar category as my bike club, someone once described the Tigers as rather like Herpes "once you've got them you never quite get rid of them" ;-) I don't have any pics of the before (but am taking plenty of the disruption!) In a way changing the environment slightly also helps emotionally. I think if I had to sit in the same seat, at the same table using the same computer as Tony I would feel his loss more. But that's not to say that when I am decorating I don't still hear those little words of "critical advice"...! The "memorial" in the garden has been a good idea too. Not only is it somewhere "where he is" but it is a way of acknowledging each year that has passed with the buying of new flowers. Warm Hugs Fig Alayne |
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