You just came home from a wonderful trip, during your trip you  had plenty
distraction from your illness.  Now when you are home are settling into
normal life you have time to think.  Have you called your doctor? In my area
many of my co workers and family dealing with a nasty cold that settles in
the chest it could be something that simple.  Anyways you have every reason
to feel the way you do.

Pen schreef:

Hi Pen,

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Do you have an appointment with
you oncologist anytime soon? I think when away on holiday you just don't
think to much about your illness and when home, husband at work, the
cancer is there again and maybe it gets worse, maybe not, but you know
the prognoses isn't good, so you start to feel this and that and are
confronted with cancer and dying again. At least that's true for me, we
were away on holiday to and it's hard to deal with husband at work again
when you had such a good time together..

I'd like to do some more travelling this summer and hope we'll both get
the chance to do that. But I think it's very important also to focus on
shortterm and plan some things to look forward to on short term. Special
things, stupid things whatever as long as it's not the normal day in day
out routine.

All the best.

Anne

Hi, Penny,

I'm thinking - you're missing Michael.  I can understand that.  You've
been joined at the hip for several weeks now.  Do you feel up to
inviting friends to bring you lunch <giggle> every now & then.  Would
give you an excuse to primp a bit & enjoy a pleasant distraction.  And
a fireball. Are you making Michael's homecoming festive, every now &
then?  Is the weather OK to get outside for a few minutes/day?  Just
sitting on a bench watching people walk their dogs can be great
entertainment, weather permitting, making you feel like you're part of
life..  Have you tried art - I mean the kind where you express your
emotions through paint or crayons?  Can you concentrate on a book?
Here, we have so many daytime activities I've always wanted to go to
but haven't been able to.  Aren't you right near downtown?

My friend who died of breast cancer shopped early for Christmas.  She
gave me a silver Christmas ball engraved with a message & her name.
That first year was sad, putting it on the tree, but now I look forward
to getting it out each year.  It's like reconnection with her & the
good times we had.  Knowing you, you have already done similar & you
did the bears.

If you're not doing this already, try getting up, showering, fixing
hair, doing makeup & getting dressed.  Make bed.  Have a routine.
Socks used to get cleaned up while I was getting ready for work, eat
breakfast with me & then go nap with the kitties.  I'd call about 10 to
get him going.  By then it was time to think about lunch.  Could you
ever join Michael for lunch?  Socks came downtown occasionally, but I
wish it had been more often.

Buy some fresh flowers.  I wish I could give you one of the giant
containers of forced tulips I have blooming their hearts out.  I had
daffodils all over the house too, but they're over.   I often get these
at the grocery store & they do cheer me up.  Some in bedroom, bath,
kitchen, sitting area.   None near 'pooter - crash! splash!

Why not start planning your summer trip?

Get a few new happy CDs.  Amazon sells used & I've gotten a number of
them that way.

Then again, sometimes you just have to let yourself pull the covers
over you head & indulge in a little grief session.  Just not all day
ones.

Hope this passes.

Hugs,
Fig

Perhaps you have come down with a bug of some sort. It might not be related
to your cancer. I just got over bronchitis that seemed to start off the same
way you describe. Unfortunately, mine lasted 5 weeks and I broke a rib in
half from coughing. That was a surprise as I had no idea that could happen.
But I'm well now and feeling good.

Also, you just got back from travelling so maybe your body just needs a
rest.

Hugs from Nana

Most of our fears and most of our symptoms don't turn out to be anywhere
near as bad as we think and usually the worrying will do us more harm than
what is actually wrong with us so your only solution it to go to your doctor
and tell him everything you just told us, and more than likely his diagnosis
will be something much less than you think, and he will put your mind at
rest and you can begin to heal. Even if the very worst of your fears come
true, at least you will know what you are up against and you can stop
worrying and start treating it.

Sooooo....please make a positive step and see your doctor, you can't lose.