http://www.btinternet.com/~memoriesofmax/index.htm
Memories of Max - A Father's Story   by Allan Buchanan

This website contains a book which is a true story about a journey. It is
in fact the final stage of a journey which started on the 24th of July
1993. It is a journey of emotions. It was a painful journey which I never
dreamt of taking. It involves three cancers, a death, and two and a half
years of reconciliation with those events.

In 1993 my son, Max, at the age of four, was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid
Leukaemia. Two and a half years later, at the age of seven, he was
diagnosed with a form of muscle tumour called Rhabdomyosarcoma.

Max died in January 1997.

This is a father's story. It tells of my hopes and fears, my feelings and
emotions before, during and beyond Max's illness. It describes the growing
love which developed between myself and my son, and my subsequent pain
after his death. I have tried to describe how it feels to be a parent of a
cancer stricken child and the hills and mountains that are climbed and
crevasses and valleys which you fall into on this journey.

This book contains fragments, snapshots, and indelible stains which have
been left with me after Max's death. It does not and could never fully
describe what has happened to us as a family. This is our story and it is
unique not because we were very different from any other family but
because each family's story is unique.

The material is culled from a diary which I wrote intermittently
throughout the second illness and beyond. The diary was used to express
these feelings to myself because the people I wanted to tell could not
listen and those who wanted to listen, I couldn't tell. The diary is many
times longer than the book and is very raw and disturbing. It is a diary
of the darkest moments in my life.

The message of the book, however, is one of hope. It demonstrates the
amazing courage and fortitude of the children who go through cancer
treatment. It also shows that there is a way back from those dark places
and that even on the blackest of nights, a light can shine.

After his first cancer, Max emerged as a distant shell, a little old man.
Slowly, as he gained strength, he became a child again and for more than
two years he remained relatively healthy.

When his second cancer was diagnosed, Max had a lot of difficulty with
coping and was very depressed and angry. My wife, Sara, and I realised
that we could not help Max medically but that we might be able to give him
the will to fight. We tried to change his feelings about himself and his
illness so that he could enjoy a quality of life during his treatment.

We were rewarded by a fierce determination and willpower which Max used to
fight his disease. He developed strength, confidence and independence and
found many ways to overcome his disabilities.

He adapted and accepted his illness and lived his life as full as was
possible, as is the case with most children with cancer.

This is a book of my memories of Max.

(see webpage for more)
J