.................The rules for being an Internet pill, reprinted here
in their entirety, courtesy of the Pills of the American
Internet Neighborhood Society (PAINS):

RULES FOR TROLLS AND PILLS

WHEREAS, 95 percent of all the e-mail received by critics and
columnists is civil, friendly or respectfully constructive;

but WHEREAS, this is the Internet age, and we're all
anonymous and can avoid making eye contact forever;

and WHEREAS, there's so much information overload, a little
heat and drama on your part may be necessary just to be heard
above the din;

and WHEREAS, many of those who fire off potshots are missing
out on some of the best techniques for effective snippiness;

THEREFORE let us now post the rules for membership in the
Pills of the American Internet Neighborhood Society.

1. Use the strongest language possible. Calling names is
always effective, and four-letter words show that you mean
business.

2. Having a violent opinion of something doesn't require you
to actually try it yourself. After all, plenty of people
heatedly object to books they haven't read or movies they
haven't seen. Heck, you can imagine perfectly well if
something is any good.

3. If it's a positive review that you didn't like, call the
reviewer a "fanboy." Do not entertain the notion that the
product, service, show, movie, book or restaurant might, in
fact, be good. Instead, assume that the reviewer has received
payment from the reviewee. Work in the word "shill" if
possible.

4. If it's a negative review, call the reviewer a "basher"
and describe the review as a "hatchet job." Accuse him of
being paid off by the reviewee's *rival*.

5. If it's a mixed review, ignore the passages that balance
the argument. Pretend that the entire review is all positive
or all negative. Refer to it either as a "rave" or a "slam."

6. If you find a sentence early in the article that rubs you
the wrong way, you are by no means obligated to finish
reading. Stop right where you are--express your anger while
it's still good and hot! What are the odds that the writer is
going to say anything else relevant to your point later in
the piece, anyway?

7. If the writer responds to your e-mail with evidence that
you're wrong (for example, by citing a paragraph that you
overlooked), disappear without responding. This is the
anonymous Internet; slipping away without consequence or
civility is your privilege.

8. Trolling is making a deliberately inflammatory remark, one
that you know perfectly well is baloney, just to get a rise
out of other people. Trolling is an art. Trolling works just
fine for an audience of one (say, a journalist), but of
course the real fun is trolling on public bulletin boards
where you can get dozens of people screaming at you
simultaneously. Comments on religion, politics or Mac-vs.-
Windows are always good bets. The talented troll sits back to
enjoy the fireworks with a smirk, and never, ever responds to
the responses.

9. Don't let generalities slip by. Don't tolerate
simplifications for the sake of a non-technical audience.
Ignore conditional words like "generally," "usually" and
"most." If you read a sentence that says, for example, "The
VisionPhone is among the first consumer videophones," cite
the reviewer's ignorance and laziness for failing to mention
the prototype developed by AT&T for the 1964 World's Fair.
Send copies of your note to the publication's publisher and,
if possible, its advertisers.

And there you have it: the nine habits of highly effective
pills. After all: if you're going to be a miserable
curmudgeon, you may as well do it up right!

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This week's Pogue's Posts blog:
http://www.nytimes.com/technology/poguesposts/index.html?8cir&emc=cir