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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Cancer / August 2005

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Dawn Morley - 24 Aug 2005 08:18 GMT
My Dad has been in the hospice for 2 weeks now. they phoned us yesterday
morning and told us that he had got worse overnight and they were unable to
wake him up. we went there and managed to get him roused for a few minutes.
He always said that he didn't want to be drugged up, but he was heavily
sedated and hardly doing anything. The doctors later told us that it would
be a matter of days rather than hours. It was heart breaking to see him like
that. he was a big strong bloke and has fought very hard for 5 years. now he
is just skin and bones.
Alayne - 24 Aug 2005 10:03 GMT
> My Dad has been in the hospice for 2 weeks now. they phoned us yesterday
> morning and told us that he had got worse overnight and they were unable to
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> that. he was a big strong bloke and has fought very hard for 5 years. now he
> is just skin and bones.

My thoughts are with you Dawn, two years ago we were in a similar situation,
although it was my husband.  It's a tragedy but bear in mind he is pain free
and soon will be at peace.

Warm Hugs to you and your family.

Alayne
J - 24 Aug 2005 11:25 GMT
> My Dad has been in the hospice for 2 weeks now. they phoned us yesterday
> morning and told us that he had got worse overnight and they were unable to
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> that. he was a big strong bloke and has fought very hard for 5 years. now he
> is just skin and bones.

Touch him, Dawn, he'll feel you.
Tell him, Dawn, he's listening. Tell him about those favorite times you
cherished together.
You'll be in my thoughts and we'll be here caring.
J
Dawn Morley - 24 Aug 2005 14:43 GMT
>> My Dad has been in the hospice for 2 weeks now. they phoned us yesterday
>> morning and told us that he had got worse overnight and they were unable
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
> You'll be in my thoughts and we'll be here caring.
> J

I tried to talk to him this morning, but he is hardly responding now. I was
holding his hand and telling him how much we all love him. I just wish he
would give up the fight and get a well deserved rest
J - 24 Aug 2005 19:54 GMT
> >> My Dad has been in the hospice for 2 weeks now. they phoned us yesterday
> >> morning and told us that he had got worse overnight and they were unable to
[quoted text clipped - 7 lines]
> holding his hand and telling him how much we all love him. I just wish he
> would give up the fight and get a well deserved rest

I understand. ( ( ( Dawn ) ) )
Have you given him permission to let go?
We told Dad "it's okay Dad, you can let go now. We'll be okay"  ( I expanded on
that a bit on that and told him about siblings/relatives that I knew he was
concerned about).  I don't know that it changes how long a person hangs on, or
not, but I think it's something we'd all want to hear about the loved ones we
leave behind

I don't know if you were paying attention when we talked to others about what
might happen.
His mouth and eyes will be drying out if he's not getting hydration. The nurses
will use balm for his lips and drops for his eyes and/or mouth. His kidneys will
slowly shut down (less urine) and his feet and sometimes hands will take on a
darkish/bluish colour as the last days/hours approach.  His breathing may get
shallower and sometimes stop/restart and then at some point, it won't restart
and he'll be "declared" gone. But do stay with him and talk with him a bit more,
if you feel that you'd like the time alone with him (because I believe the
hearing/brain continues for a bit longer).

If they allow a recliner, you may wish to snooze there so you can be there with
him, but don't feel you have to just because I suggest it. You may need time
away yourself.

Many hugs luv,
J
Dawn Morley - 26 Aug 2005 18:28 GMT
My Dad finally gave up the fight this afternoon. he had a long fight but it
finally won.
He is now at peace

> My Dad has been in the hospice for 2 weeks now. they phoned us yesterday
> morning and told us that he had got worse overnight and they were unable
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> see him like that. he was a big strong bloke and has fought very hard for
> 5 years. now he is just skin and bones.
J - 26 Aug 2005 18:40 GMT
> My Dad finally gave up the fight this afternoon. he had a long fight but it
> finally won.
> He is now at peace

( ( ( Dawn ) ) ) Hun, I still have your post November/2003 where you posted
that he's pissed off at the whole thing.
Sounds like the type of man I would have wanted to know.
No more pain for him; you did all the right things. Now it's on to gireving the
loss of your Dad in your world.
We'll be here caring, if we can be of help. There's also alt.support.grief.
Many hugs Dawn,
J
Sinead - 26 Aug 2005 19:05 GMT
> My Dad finally gave up the fight this afternoon. he had a long fight but
> it finally won.
> He is now at peace

Dawn

I am so very sorry to hear your news. I lost my Dad two years this Sept.
Look after yourself, let yourself cry and know that you are stronger than
you think you are.

My heart goes out to you.
Sinead
Alayne - 27 Aug 2005 09:26 GMT
> My Dad finally gave up the fight this afternoon. he had a long fight but it
> finally won.
[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
> > see him like that. he was a big strong bloke and has fought very hard for
> > 5 years. now he is just skin and bones.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad Dawn.  His battle is now over, may he
finally rest in peace.  Your tears will flow but one day a smile will
re-appear and your memories of your time together will be happy ones.

Warm Hugs

Alayne
clifto - 27 Aug 2005 15:26 GMT
> My Dad finally gave up the fight this afternoon. he had a long fight but it
> finally won.
> He is now at peace

His suffering is over now. Remember the good times.

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          my vote for President will be a write-in for Jiang Zemin.

 
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