thursday eve at the stoke of eight

the pancreatic cancer proved to be wildly aggressive and would have be a
very bad time for him had not it invaded one of arteries for the
stomach. that caused a slow bleed which reduced bp enough to induce
coma.

from that point [thurs morning] he had no pain whatsoever according to
the monitoring they were doing, and it became a very slow and gentle
slide until everything just stopped. a true blessing for his wife helen
who was having a very difficult time contemplating what he was likely to
experience had the cancer progressed more slowly.

frank and i had been in touch by phone morning and evening for these
past five weeks, and monday he asked me to come to boston - he knew then
that things were coming to a close and wanted family there for helen.

he was right - she needed one of us to help her see that this was a good
thing for frank - and that this made it possible for him to say goodbye
and not be in pain anymore. i've just gotten back home today and wanted
to say a few things to folks here:

several of you had commented upon your experiences with dana-farber and
brigham's -  frank had been first seen at the vet hosp. and while they
are good, it was more a case of that intangible 'connection' that some
doctors just don't have with the family - armed with information from
you, frank decided to switch to farber - and it was like the sky opened
and the sun poured forth. the support they give to the family is beyond
description. and i know from being up there that it made 'the'
difference for helen getting thru this week. thank you.

some suggested acor and their lists - helen is only starting to be able
to look outside of herself but wanted you all to know that in the small
bit of reading she has done so far that 'it helps'. thank you.

some helped me locate specific information and reminded me where to look
things up - over the weeks i had been sharing this info with frank and
just 'knowing'  the truth, was for him, exactly what he needed and
wanted so that he could tackle each day and make crucial decisions for
himself and with helen and his daughter and grandkids. thank you

i know that, from these various resources and forums came a breadth of
caring and support that shifted what might have been a long and
difficult, isolated, 'cold' experience - into one filled with caring and
compassionate folk who did their utmost to ease each fear and concern.

frank and helen are very much a ying/yang couple  - he the intellectual
analyst, she  warm encompassing carer. each received that which made
frank's passing a gentle goodbye - and in no small measure because of
what each of you provided to me, for them.

not even a month and a half - the blink of an eye - but enough for
family and friends to share with frank, and be reminded that he will
continue in that thing called memory. memory, which will include the
simple fact that his passing was made so much easier because you, and
many other strangers cared enough to share of yourselves.

paul