I hope you will remember me from sci.med.diseases.cancer.  I wrote about my
neighbor Ruth, who has Stage IV ovarian cancer.  You told me of this group,
so when I found it I read where your computer was off and you wouldn't be
around for a few days.  I am so glad you are back, and that is why I waited
so long to post.  Please know I appreciate your time and compassion for me
at the other cancer newsgroup.
I wanted to let you know now, that Ruth seems to have turned on me.  Every
time I would visit her, she would attack me on something.  Maybe it was
something on TV while I was there, or maybe something else.  I no longer
felt I could say anything to her, because she would lash out at me.  I spoke
to her husband, and he said she seems to have no problem with anyone but me,
and he doesn't know why.  He said he thinks it may be that I am not agreeing
with her (I just say nothing and try to get on another subject) when she
starts speaking about beating her cancer.  Her doctor has given her 1 year
with chemo.  I know others who will say, of course Ruth, you will beat it,
but it's just not in me to say that.  Let a year pass, and then I will see,
but I tend to look at things as I get them, and I am one to believe the
doctors.  I do believe in G-d, so it's up to Him and the doctors.  But in
the meantime, I won't be one of the ones who gives her false hope.
Her attitude towards me is such that I don't visit her anymore.  So after a
week of that, she came next door to my house and started on me there.  It
was an insult about my car, which is 9 years old, something like, "why don't
you buy a newer car- why do you keep such an old car to drive?"  It was
something to that nature, something that really didn't make sense.  My
husband and I do what we can in life, and we can't afford a car payment.
Our goal is to pay everything off and live debt free, and I should have
never shared that with her either, because she thinks I am being stupid to
deny myself  new things just because I don't want to pay for them.  I tried
to be polite, but inside I knew I wouldn't allow her to be inside my house
anymore.  So it's been a few days, and I don't know what will happen.  I am
ill at ease at my own home, not even wanting to fool with my garden because
she may come up and throw insults to me again.  She also is very critical on
my choice to not have kids.  She had 5, and she thinks I am acting selfish
by not wanting kids.  I have never wanted kids, and at age 37, I want them
even less.  My husband and I and our dog are a good family, and we are very
happy people.
So I guess I am hurt by her response to me, and in my heart and mind I do
not see Ruth and I having a friendship.  How can I have a friendship with
someone who is so mean to me?  I have great compassion for her, but it does
neither of us any good to see each other.  I will still love her, but I do
have boundaries.
So that is the way things stand now.  I hope you are doing well J, you are
there for so many people, I admire that.

My Warmest Regards,
Sharon