We just got the results of the latest CT scan.  It showed several
"suspicious, probable malignancies" in her right lung that have started
to go into the chest wall along with several enlarged nodes...nothing
in the left lung or spine. In other words, the recurrance we were
dreading is here, just as her doctor predicted.  She is feeling much
weaker and having problems with nausea, insommnia, breathing and pain.
We had our first meeting with Hospice yesterday.  Thankfully they are
going to work with us to tweak her current medications in an effort to
relieve these symptoms.
For my part, I welcome their help and the support I felt just from that
first meeting. I don't want to complain because she is the one in such
dire straits but being a caregiver is a hard job.  The worst for me is
trying to convince her to quit doing things that could potentially hurt
her (like climbing stairs!).  She gets so dizzy and out of breath, it
takes an hour or more to recover and there is no reason for it.
Everything she needs is downstairs, but I know it is hard for her to
change her routines and admit to herself that she simply can't do some
things anymore. She was completly independent less than a year ago and
now it is an effort to walk across the room, so I know it is awful for
her. Up until this latest CT scan, she has been talking about driving
again. Sadly, at one very desperate point, my husband had to hide her
car keys because she was insisting that she was going to take her car
out for a drive when she could barely stand. I think that has been the
low point in some ways because we really don't want to limit her, we
only want to protect her (and other drivers)plus she knows we will take
her wherever she needs to go.
I think she is finally accepting that she must be more careful.  It
helped when the Hospice nurse told her NOT to attempt climbing the
stairs again under any circimstances (and explained that she could
easily fall and break her hip which would put her in a hospital,
immobilized until she dies). She later asked me if we (my husband and
I) put the nurse up to saying that.  Of course we didn't, but were
relieved to have a medical person reinforce our concerns.
OK - I'm done ranting.
Thanks to all of you who answered my post about talking to my daughter.
We are planning to do that soon now that Hospice is coming and going.
My MIL wanted to talk to a Hospice counseler about it first to get some
advice which I thought was a fine idea.
Thanks for listening.

Michele