My husband's update (Colon)

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Jamo - 17 Apr 2004 04:32 GMT

Hello all.
I should warn you it's a long-ish post.

Last Thursday my husband was told he had colon cancer immediately after he
had a colonoscopy. He had a CT scan Tuesday. Today we saw a colo-rectal
surgeon.

The surgeon gave us the results of my husband's biopsy ("You have a cancer")
and said that the CT scan revealed no tumors outside of the pelvis. I know
the CT scan doesn't register _all_ problems, but it was a relief to hear
this nonetheless. Also, his CEA is "in the normal range." After physical
inspection, he concluded that the cancer was located so low that there was
no way to remove the tumor without APR. He then suggested a MRI in order to
specify the location (in case an APR isn't required). He also wants my
husband to have radio and chemo before surgery. The doctor is going on
holiday, so we don't know when we'll get the results--more waiting--and the
onc appointment isn't until the 28th. To tell you the truth, I'm as happy as
I could be with the result (that it hasn't obviously invaded the
liver/lungs). My husband, on the other hand, is devastated at hearing he'll
live with a permanent colostomy. When I say devastated, that's what I mean.

Can anyone who has been through this (APR or life with a permanent
colostomy) give me some personal feedback? What can I do to prepare him for
this? Ironically, he's always been horrified by anything fecal-related, so I
may need to talk him into seeking therapy.
Anyways, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
Best to all,
Morgs

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clacy - 17 Apr 2004 11:10 GMT

> Hello all.
> I should warn you it's a long-ish post.
[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
> Best to all,
> Morgs

Jamo,

My dad had colon cancer, and as the tumour was so close to the anus he
needed a permanent colostomy. He too found this devastating. The way I look
at it, women deal with nappies and periods. Men don't. Therefore we lose
that squemishness pretty early on in life.

My dad found it many things, but the main concern for him was smell. He was
constantly terrified that people would be able to smell it. You can't. He
would not believe us.

Another fear was that it would come off, he wouldn't go somewhere where he
didn't know where the toilets were.

I would certainly say that you should arrange for him to meet with a good
stoma nurse, they take them through these fears and help to allay them. You
don't say how old you husband is, my dad was 58.

Morgs, I hope that your system around you kicks in, because we found a lot
of help around us (UK) when we asked for it, but Dad was loathe to talk
about it. In all , Dad lived with his stoma for 18 months, but I have to
admit that he found it incredibly hard. Sometimes I wonder if he focused his
anger on it rather than the cancer.

I do think that you have a therapy service available that you should look
into how they could help him.

I wish you every luck together - be strong.

Hugs
Sinead

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Jamo - 17 Apr 2004 17:39 GMT

> > Hello all.
> > I should warn you it's a long-ish post.
[quoted text clipped - 62 lines]
>
> I wish you every luck together - be strong.

> Hugs
> Sinead

Thank you, Sinead.
My husband (Baz) is 57.

I think you're right about squeamishness. I hadn't thought of it from that
perspective.

I especially appreciate your thoughts about your father focusing his anger
on the sotme rather than the cancer--I ithnk this is my fear, that Baz will
get so absorbed in negativity because of the procedure that he won't focus
on the ideal outcome (does that make sense)? My husband is British (we live
in the US--he's a relatively recent transplant) so he may share a similar
mindset to your father's.
Anyways, I'm grateful for your response.
Best wishes to you.
Morgs

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