Yesterday afternoon I talked briefly with my youngest.  She is 18.  She said
she had something for me and wasn't sure how to get it to me--was hoping I'd
get it before the next few days before the breast cancer 3-day.  She wouldn't
tell me what it was but said it was special--and that it was inspirational.
We received a call from her last night around 10:00.  She was crying,
hysterically.  She had just learned that one of her high school friends had
passed away from Hodgkins who had left message on her cell phone.   (I had
learned a couple of hours earlier but didn't call her--knew she couldn't be
reached--was at her sorority for dinner, meeting, etc. at the time).  My
husband asked her if she wanted us to come down.  She did.  Her roommate and
college friends were helpful but from what she described, although sympathetic,
did not share in this loss.  We got there about 11:00.  We waited for about
half an hour since another high school friend, a couple of years older, who had
known this girl had just heard.  They talked and shard their sadness and grief.

As soon as she got in the car she hugged us.  Then she gave me the special gift
she had bought me for this weekend as inspiration.  She collects Beane Babies.
She bought the new one that came out last month for Breast Cancer awareness.
It is all pink with the b.c. ribbon.  She bought two of them--one for each of
us--and wants me to take it on the walk--or at least sleep with it.  She had
told me that she is so inspired by what I am doing and so proud of me.  If I
had any doubts that I could do this walk, that alone would have resolved them.
Losing someone close to you is never easy.  This child, of all ours, has had it
the toughest.  She really hadn't had to deal with death until the end of her
freshman year at high school when a danceteam mate, was killed in a tragic car
accident.  This girl was the one whom my daughter had been 'compared to'--in
dance style as well as somewhat in demeanor.  The following year I was dx'd
with b.c.--coincidentally at a time when she just happened to be president of
the club on campus that raised money for the American Cancer Society--through
such activities as the Relay for Life.  The next year--9 mos later--a cousin
(actually grandson of my husband's cousin)--although not a 1st cousin was as
close as one could be--tragically died at the age of 21 after having smoked
some pot, had some alcolhol, and then Tylenol (and possibly a valium) mixed
together.  The following day my uncle died.  We had 2 funerals that weekend.
Two weeks later, two of her classmates were tragically killed in a local
traffic accident that should not have happened.  These were two honor
students--the driver's parents had let him stay home because he was on the
basketball team--while they went on vacation.  He was goofing off at 2:00 in
the morning and slammed the car into a brick wall.  She had gone through middle
school with these two kids--they were all close--and had most of their classes
together.  The first day back after break--she told us her English class had
been the hardest.  The class use to banter back and forth in their discussions.
Both boys had sat in front of her--one was one row  to the left, the other two
seats up and one row to the right.  The PTA had brought in plants to put in
their seats.  The first thing she said when she got home was "I need
counseling."
I found a good counselor for her which helped particularly since 3 weeks later,
while she was out of state, visiting our eldest daughter over a holiday
weekend, one of our closest family friends suffered a fatal coronary while
mountain biking at the age of 50.  She had known him all her life.  AFter we
told her, she flippantly asked said, "so tell me, has anyone else I know died."
Then 6 weeks later another family friend with whom we were close lost her
battle to ovarian cancer.  She was also 50.  
At the beginning of my daughter's sr. year, she had to write a practice essay
for college entrance.  Hers centered around what had been happening.  Her
English teacher must have shared it with a counselor.  She was invited to be
part of a grief counseling group--that included the siblings of both boys in
that last accident.  If that weren't enough, the next year--last May--another
of her classmates was a victim of a tragic car accident.  She had just left
school after track practice and was stopped at a light.  A speeding driver, who
was under the influence (alcohol), plowed into her at over 50 miles an hour
which sent the girls car flying across the intersection into a utility pole.
She had a concussion and brain bleed--and was on life support for two days.
Their graduation was bittersweet.   At the awards ceremony my daughter received
a special scholarship sponsored and presented by the parents of the girl who
had been killed in her freshman year.  Each pair of parents of the two boys
killed the previous year presented memorial scholarships.  Then the parents of
the girl killed the previous month did the same.  Their graduation ceremony, a
week or two later, also had everyone in tears as the students were
memorialized.  
Then at the end of the summer, we learned that this gal--who was a sr this year
and had been a close friend from choir--was hospitalized with a recurrence.
Her condition improved and stabilized.  Her family was taking her for
alternative treatments--guess they (dr's) felt like nothing more could be done.
Then last week things took a turn for the worse.  My daughter  and some of the
others in college had been unaware of it--each of their friends assumed someone
had told them.
It is all so much for someone so young to deal with in such a short time.
My daughter knows of my family background.  We have a small family in terms of
immediate relatives.  My husband was an only child.  I have one single sister.
They have no first cousins.  They do not have grandparents.  All were deceased
(at relatively young ages) before my youngest was born.  Both their
grandmothers died from breast cancer.
That is one reason I am doing everything I possibly can to break this horrific
family legacy.  
This weekend I will be doing the Susan G. Komen 3-day breast cancer walk.  I
can't believe I am doing it.  I have gotten the support from friends and
colleagues and some from family as well.  This is long enough, and will switch
to another thread, and meanwhile hope I haven't bored too many of you--but
figure the delete button is there for anyone not interested...