Hi Nana,

Call her a lot and ask her how she really is. Let her talk.  If she is
getting chemo after, maybe hunt up some crystallized ginger for her,
or some Twinnings Lemon-Ginger tea.  If she lives close see if she
will go for short walks with you. Maybe drive her to treatments if she
is having them.

You sound like a great SIL.

As Chris suggested, just be there.  Use her reactions to decide how best
to help -- some women like to have someone to whom they can talk about
fears & worries, others prefer not to think/talk about the cancer much
and would rather talk about interesting things that distract them.

If there's something fun she likes to do with you (see a movie, go
shopping, visit relatives, eat out, etc.), ask if she feels like doing
it.

If she's going through surgery & chemo & has restrictions on what she
can do, offer to help her.  Offer specific help, if you can, because
sometimes people don't know what to say when you say "what can I do?".

Some things you might be able to offer, especially if you live nearby:

Right after mastectomy surgery, she may not be able to lift her arms
over her head or take showers.  You could offer to help her wash her hair.

If you're heading for the store, call & tell her you're going and ask
what you can pick up for her.

Make a meals take it to the family.  Especially good is something that
can be frozen & pulled out to reheat on a busy day.

Share a book or a video or a music CD that you find pleasant or cheering
(probably best not to go overboard with hyper-inspirational stuff unless
you know she likes that, but something that's interesting, distracting
and non-depressing should always be OK).

If you live further away, send the occasional postcard or card with a
funny photo related to something she likes (cats, teddy bears, sports
cars or whatever) just to let her know you're thinking of her.

Get her some little luxury she wouldn't get herself -- nice scented
lotion, or small pretty piece of jewelry, or a special food treat.

Just a few thoughts . . . .

Ann T.
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Nana,
there is no such thing as remission with breast cancer, from what little you
have told us, she must have a local recurrence which is better than having
the cancer spread outside the breast. Be nice to her, offer her an ear, but
tell her you'll understand if she needs her privacy. Ask her if you can help
with shopping, cleaning, cooking etc.  Then you have to step back and take
you lead from her answers, Alex