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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Breast Cancer / July 2005a weight off my shoulders...
hi all, i'm writing this because in a few weeks time i shall be moving house......to live on my own ( with my little dog). its been nearly three years since my mastectomy and 7mths of chemo and in all that time through the stress and recovery i have had no support whatsoever from my husband, just daily rejection and physical repulsion.i am now emotionally and physically well enough to do something about this once awfully sad situation.i know some of you ladies are on your own and doing just fine and i also know that there are some wonderful husbands out there ( and i have felt quite envious at times). i have always been such a 'home maker', raising our lovely children,cooking and gardening,its been such a pleasure to care for my family, so its has been very difficult to wrentch my self away from my home of 20yrs,but i've come to realise that there is no 'heart' in this house any more.i have always worked once the kids got to school, so i shall be able to support myself modestly. i shall set up my computer in a few weeks time to get back to this support group as its never boring and keeps me linked to you bc ladies. thanks for listening kathleen ps. be kind to Heather,i'm sure she has not intentionally wanted to upset anyone......she needs a listening ear....like me ! > i'm writing this because in a few weeks time i shall be moving house......to > live on my own ( with my little dog). [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > just fine and i also know that there are some wonderful husbands out there > ( and i have felt quite envious at times)..... ---------- Kathleen, my heart goes out to you. I'm single and live with my cat. I do have a very supportive boyfriend, but he lives in another state, so I'm mostly on my own and doing....well, not "just fine," but "okay." However, one of my daughters turned around and completely rejected me as soon as she found out I had cancer. The total opposite of what I thought a normal reaction would be. I just can't get over this shock and grief, but I'm mostly so busy coping with my physical problems that I am able to put it out of my mind most of the time. Moving out and starting over, you'll probably be so busy that you won't have time to think about the betrayal of trust either. And that's the best advice I can offer you. Deal with your present day-to-day life and look forward to whatever future we may have, and don't dwell on what's past. All the best, Eva > ... However, > one of my daughters turned around and completely rejected me as soon as > she > found out I had cancer. That's not uncommon, apparently. My mother cut me off for a time, our older daughter,who was once very close to me and only lives round the corner and attends many of the events we do, still doesn't talk to us after seven years. Several friends couldn't cope either but it's harder when it's a daughter. Two of our sons admitted that they couldn't cope but although they were very awkward for a time they didn't cut me off and were sincere, if clumsy, supporters. I've heard other people say similar things. I don't know that there's any solution to it either. > The total opposite of what I thought a normal > reaction would be. I just can't get over this shock and grief, You have to. > but I'm > mostly so busy coping with my physical problems that I am able to put it > out > of my mind most of the time. It's the only way, to tell yourself that it doesn't matter, that it's your daughter's problem, not yours. YOU are the most important person at this time, you must remember that and concentrate on your well-being. > Moving out and starting over, you'll probably > be so busy that you won't have time to think about the betrayal of trust > either. And that's the best advice I can offer you. Deal with your > present > day-to-day life and look forward to whatever future we may have, and don't > dwell on what's past. And you must do the same. You won't be totally alone, those who stick with you are the ones who matter. It's so hard to say that, either to someone else or to yourself, but you know it's true ... Hugs, Mary Are there really children that can behave that badly? I hope you all will not judge all children by this measure. For my part, I would have happilly taken over mom's cancer on my myself; and kept her safe instead. Good luck to you Kathleen. I am sure you will do well. > Are there really children that can behave that badly? > I hope you all will not judge all children by this measure. For my > part, I would have happilly taken over mom's cancer on my myself; and > kept her safe instead. > Good luck to you Kathleen. I am sure you will do well. I don't think it's *bad behaviour*, I don't know what causes it but it's not uncommon, apparently. I'd rather take over my mother's cancer myself too, if she suffered it. But she won't let me help her in any way :-( I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, we must all be prepared for it though, we can't deny it. I'm sure you'll be fine too, you've coped well up to now. Hugs, Mary >>Are there really children that can behave that badly? >>I hope you all will not judge all children by this measure. For my [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > I don't think it's *bad behaviour*, I don't know what causes it but it's not > uncommon, apparently. I would say, in a word, fear. Tim You're in our thoughts, kathleen. Hurry back!  Signatureallan we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. -- Anais Nin Kathleen, Good luck on your move. Just know I wish you the very best. As Mary said, this time is about YOU now. Concentrate on what you need, and want at this place in time. I know these situations are very hard, but put your faith in God and I'm sure you'll do fine. Hurry back! Take care there dear/God bless annie thanks for your support folks ! kathleen > hi all, > i'm writing this because in a few weeks time i shall be moving [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > ps. be kind to Heather,i'm sure she has not intentionally wanted to > upset anyone......she needs a listening ear....like me ! > hi all, > i'm writing this because in a few weeks time i shall be moving house......to [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > thanks for listening > kathleen Dear Kathleen, Many good wishes for a wonderful further journey. My daughter had a similar experience and with my assistance has moved to a warmer climate. Her son is staying with her right now, but will return to finish high school in Ohio. Hard to say what he will decide after that. My daughter and I rented a condo close to the beach. I have been down there a couple times but I will join her in October and spend the winter with her. Until then it will be just her, the poodle and the dachsund. She has found a new job. She is trying to move forward and enjoy each beautiful day. I so hope you can too. I am recovering from years of caring for an Alzheimer spouse, so my daughter and I will explore this new journey together. In the meantime this sumer I try to keep my two acres mowed and doing miner repairs to my home. Putting things back where it was prior to the changes made to care for my spouse. Sending many good wishes and wishing you good luck, Kathleen. eveline |
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