 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Breast Cancer / May 2005shaving my head in support
Hello all, My mother was recently diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. As there is so little I can do to support her I thought I would shave my head as a small show of solidarity. I would like some of your opinions on this. Would you appreciate this type of show of support or are you just indifferent? As a pleasant side effect, she let me cut her hair. Not shaved but short enough to not make a mess when it falls out. I am a 42 year old man. People make fun of me, in a friendly way, for being clumsy and generally rough. One of the most treasured and intimate moments of my life. I put out a tip jar for amusement. Thank you in advance. God Bless JP > Hello all, > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Thank you in advance. God Bless ---------- I think it's wonderful that you want to make a visible gesture to show your support, but shaving your head won't really help, since you're a guy and guys shave their heads all the time! How about going on a cancer walk or making a substantial donation to a cancer-support organization instead? JUST MY OPINION! Eva >> Hello all, >> [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > support, but shaving your head won't really help, since you're a guy and > guys shave their heads all the time! That was my reaction too, I'm glad you said it. > How about going on a cancer walk or > making a substantial donation to a cancer-support organization instead? That wouldn't show solidarity with his mother though, I assume she's having/hadchemo. Why not persuade her women friends to shave their heads? Mary > JUST MY OPINION! Eva I agree a man shaving his head does not have the same impact. Bracklet is a good idea,though....how is your mother doing? Alex > I agree a man shaving his head does not have the same impact. Bracklet > is a good idea,though....how is your mother doing? Alex she is well. she has broken at least 3 ribs. she had a comprssion fracture in her t-11 vertabrea. they did surgery and fixed it. most of her treatment has been pain management. her doctors took a very aggressive tact and o.d'ed her on the cocktail of methodone, oxycodone and a patch. (fenadol?) in the process of diagnosing she went in for a mri. she was given ativan as a mild sedative. she had a nasty reaction to of some sort. it didn't get documented. her next mri came up and her technician/ dr. gave her a double dose. she was dillusional insane. i didn't get to see her for a day or two, my being a truck driver. when i did she was in bed, moaning in pain. "help me. will someone please help me? where are my kids?" we were right there. she advised me not to come because they were taking hostages. and her mouth was bloodied, scabbed fron the chemo. probably the most traumatic experience of my life. she is better now and back to living from her divine spirit. she has moved to a nursing home and loves it. JP > most of her treatment has been pain management. her doctors took a very > aggressive tact and o.d'ed her on the cocktail of methodone, oxycodone and > a patch. (fenadol?) ---------- Probably fentanyl. In the US its brand name is the Duragesic Patch. Eva >>most of her treatment has been pain management. her doctors took a very >>aggressive tact and o.d'ed her on the cocktail of methodone, oxycodone and [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Eva Yes, we used those too, same brand in the UK. They had just come out at the time. We found it very powerful with much less side effects than morphine. The story of her becoming delusional is horrible, but familiar. I found that sort of thing probably the worst part of caring for my wife, for a time she became convinced that I was conspiring with the doctors and nurses to murder her. It is difficult to love someone who is constantly attacking you.  SignatureTim Jackson > I agree a man shaving his head does not have the same impact. Bracklet > is a good idea,though....how is your mother doing? Alex btw a bracelet is a good idea >>> Hello all, >>> [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > > Why not persuade her women friends to shave their heads? now that would be a hard sell. i don't even think i could get my sisters to do it. > Mary >> >> JUST MY OPINION! Eva "JP" <jaskme@nospamwowway.com> wrote in message >> Why not persuade her women friends to shave their heads? > > now that would be a hard sell. i don't even think i could get my sisters > to do it. I would but I don't have sisters. I'd do it for a friendor one of my daughters or daughters in law or grand daughters. It's no big deal, I had it done when I had brain surgery. I wanted to do it again to mark the 10th anniversary but my hairdresser wouldn't. I stopped going to her. A grandson said, long afterwards, that he'd have done it, then a son did, I'll have to think of another good reason. In fact it's liberating, all that messy hair and hair care stuff gone - only for a short time though :-( It feels good, free, cool, seeing and stroking the new hair is lovely. I remember a local primary school where one of the children had chemo and lost her hair. The child's whole class had a buzz so that she didn't stand out. It was fun for them and a moving lesson to others. Mary >> Mary >>> >>> JUST MY OPINION! Eva >> Hello all, >> [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > > JUST MY OPINION! Eva You know when I first asked mom what she thought her first response was, "What will it change?" I want to walk in the Detroit "Race for the Cure" "JP" <jaskme@nospamwowway.com> wrote in message >> > You know when I first asked mom what she thought her first response was, > "What will it change?" > > I want to walk in the Detroit "Race for the Cure" What will that change? Mary It could change a lot. I read a promising scientific article the other day that specified that the research had been supported in part by the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The only way us Stage IV people are going to live as long as we want to (and that includes any of you unlucky enough to join us in the future) is through scientific research. The more we support it, the more hope we can have. For that, I thank you JP. Chris > "JP" <jaskme@nospamwowway.com> wrote in message >> > > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Mary > It could change a lot. Sorry, but how? If it's by raising money, that can be done by having a sponsored shave! One of our sons did that and raised a lot of money for the charity of my choice and I didn't even have chemo! Walking in the 'Race for the Cure' won't change an individual's immediate case nor even give support to that individual. The future for the general is in research (as is the treatment we've been given). The present for the specific is in supporting those we know in whatever way we can. That could be by sharing the experience of being bald for a time. It would make me laugh and I'd know it would be done with love and thought and, perhaps, not a little sacrifice.. Mary > I read a promising scientific article the other > day that specified that the research had been supported in part by the [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] >> >> Mary >>>"JP" <jaskme@nospamwowway.com> wrote in message >> >>> [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Sorry, but how? I think the object is to draw attention to the cause and so embarrass more of the general public into contributing towards research and care. I've no idea whether this is a sensible business model or just "seems like a good idea". On the other hand it enables a lot of people to feel that they are "doing something about it". SignatureTim Jackson -Who needs to pay Microsoft? Free Open Source Software- www.mozilla.org FIREFOX Web Browser, THUNDERBIRD Email/News www.openoffice.org Office Suite >>>> "JP" <jaskme@nospamwowway.com> wrote in message >> >>>> [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > like a good idea". On the other hand it enables a lot of people to feel > that they are "doing something about it". Well, these things raise -massive- amounts of money that support research and other BC-related programs in the U.S. There are several programs that I believe are nation-wide: the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation's "Race for the Cure", the Avon 3-day walks, the American Cancer Society's "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" and "Relay for Life" (the latter supports programs related to all types of cancer). Yeah, I suppose it plays on guilt or embarassment to fund-raise (and certainly exploits friendships for fund-raising purposes, as participants usually collect pledges from others when they participate). And Mary's right, it isn't a -individual- form of support. But I have to admit, when I can personally guilt-trip friends & co-workers into contributing maybe $1500 annually via these kinds of vehicles, I guess I do feel like this constitutes a tiny bit of "doing something about it". It doesn't substitute for individual support or volunteerism, it's just another dimension. The "Race for the Cure" I walked in yesterday (in a driving snowstorm, thanks to Spring in Michigan!) brought out around 3,000 people in our mid-sized city, and raised over $145,000. Of course, some of this goes for administrative or fund-raising costs, but usually a small fraction -- not dissimilar from what happens in government-funded programs. In the U.S., this type of private fund-raising adds a lot, on top of government funding for cancer research, detection, and support programs. So, it's a big deal here. I sense some skepticism from our friends in the U.K. <G>, though. Maybe this is one of those things that doesn't translate cross-culturally, despite the fact that we all speak English <g>? Ann T. Remove 'dontsendspam' from address to reply by email "A. P. Thorsen" <apt77dontsendspam@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:d4j497 > I sense some skepticism from our friends in the U.K. <G>, though. No, ann, but there are more ways of killing - or reviving - the cat ... > Maybe this is one of those things that doesn't translate > cross-culturally, despite the fact that we all speak English <g>? Huh??? :-))))))))))))))))))))0 Mary > Ann T. > Remove 'dontsendspam' from address to reply by email > In the U.S., this type of private fund-raising adds a lot, on top of > government funding for cancer research, detection, and support programs. [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > this is one of those things that doesn't translate cross-culturally, > despite the fact that we all speak English <g>? Could be, such things aren't nearly so high-profile here. We have the London Marathon of course, which raises a lot of money for all sorts of charities, but that's really the only one in national view. There are local fun-runs and the like of course, but these are pretty small beer by comparison. If I sound skeptical it is because I really don't know. I think there is a cultural difference here, and I suspect Brits are rather less willing to contribute in this way. I've always felt that there is a difference in emphasis between the American team and the British individual that pervades a lot of our cultural differences. Big organised "everyone pull together" events are not the British strong point. I think we spell team with in I in it. :-) Tim >> In the U.S., this type of private fund-raising adds a lot, on top of >> government funding for cancer research, detection, and support programs. [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > together" events are not the British strong point. I think we spell team > with in I in it. :-) The I stands for Individual giving. Small (as well as large) personal donations, made spontaneously without the persuasion of supporting events (I choose my words carefully), amount to huge sums. Mary Mary > Tim And so does JP's effort as well. Let us all respect individuals and their routes toward contributing. I feel that this whole discussion started with you dissing JP's efforts when we should have been a more supportive and encouraging discussion. Chris > The I stands for Individual giving. Small (as well as large) personal > donations, made spontaneously without the persuasion of supporting events (I [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Mary > And so does JP's effort as well. Let us all respect individuals and > their routes toward contributing. I feel that this whole discussion [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] >> >> Mary > And so does JP's effort as well. Let us all respect individuals and > their routes toward contributing. I feel that this whole discussion [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] >> >> Mary thank you chris. i suppose it did/ does make me feel like i did a little something to show mom i'm on her side. as if she needed the reminder.<g> i do sometimes feel so frikkin helpless. i have my family to support and i have a career that requires long hours, i'm a truck driver. i don't have time to really dedicate myself to anything. plainly i love my mom. i see her and help her when i can. for now it'll have to be enough. JP > > It could change a lot. > > Sorry, but how? HOPE, Mary, it is all about the hope. Scientific progress is going to be the answer to those of us with Stage IV. Right now, we have a death sentence. JP can either be the scientist or fund the scientist. I don't much care which or how he, or you, or the rest of us, do it. Chris > If it's by raising money, that can be done by having a sponsored shave! One > of our sons did that and raised a lot of money for the charity of my choice [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Mary "Chris" <none@example.com> wrote in message news:none- >> > It could change a lot. >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > sentence. JP can either be the scientist or fund the scientist. I don't > much care which or how he, or you, or the rest of us, do it. Chris, I don't like saying this but we're ALL under a death sentence, it begins at conception. I'm grateful for the medical research which has saved - i.e. extended - my life at least twice (and to which I donate all my public speaking fees because of my gratitude) but does any of us want to go on for ever? And if not, when do we stop and how would we choose to die? And is either realistic? Will it ever happen? If it does, we're going to get pretty crowded and needing more resources than we do now and Earth is already stretched to provide our extravagant lifestyles. Mary > Chris > [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] >> >> Mary You make your own choice then, Mary. I would like to live a whole lot longer. I am 38 years old. My son is 5. I would like a whole lot more time on this planet. Chris > "Chris" <none@example.com> wrote in message news:none- > [quoted text clipped - 41 lines] > >> > >> Mary > You make your own choice then, Mary. I would like to live a whole lot > longer. I am 38 years old. My son is 5. I would like a whole lot more > time on this planet. So would I. But the fact is that some of us will die before others. It always has happened and it always will, I suspect. If a magic bullet is developed which ensures immortality for everyone we'll get so crowded that death will be a mandatory process, I believe. It will never be the right time for everyone ... And the most dangerous thing I do is get in a car. Mary >> It could change a lot. > [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] >>> >>> Mary in case you wanted to see before----http://www.ponkey.com/shared_photos/before.JPG and after----http://www.ponkey.com/shared_photos/after.JPG wanna hear something funny? mom's chemo was called off the other day. her body responded to it so well they're stoppping it and continuing on with hormone and maybe radiation. her hair never fell out and likely won't. i think i'm leaving mine alone. i'm kinda getting to like it. mom's coming home from the nursing home saturday. with her "turtle shell" back brace. it'll be a month to the day when she went to the hospital. > It could change a lot. I read a promising scientific article the other > day that specified that the research had been supported in part by the [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] >> >> Mary in case you were curious http://www.ponkey.com/shared_photos/before.JPG http://www.ponkey.com/shared_photos/after.JPG "JP" <jaskme@nospamwowway.com> wrote in message > in case you were curious > http://www.ponkey.com/shared_photos/before.JPG > > http://www.ponkey.com/shared_photos/after.JPG You left the beard! Nice pics though ... :-)))))))))) Mary I think this is really about whether your mother would find it supportive or not. I, personally, did not care if my husband shaved his head. I think it is very different for a woman to be without hair than a man. On the other hand, if this is about you making a statement about breast cancer, you might get more mileage with a breast cancer bracelet (like the yellow Lance Armstrong, but pink, of course). I think people would be more likely to ask you about that (and then hopefully be supportive, support breast cancer in general, etc.) than if you shaved your head. I could be wrong though. What is most helpful, I suspect, is that you are there for your mother and thinking about how to be supportive and helpful of her. Cutting her hair sounds nice. Having stage 4 breast cancer is a marathon, not a sprint. Regular contact, making her some meals and otherwise pitching in when she is tired, going to decision making appointments, etc, all really add up. That stuff if important and loving long after all the hair grows back. Chris Stage 4 since diagnosis in 2001 > Hello all, > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > JP <Xns963F378A0919Aaskmenospamwowway@216.196.97.142>, > > Hello all, > > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > > > JP Hi, would like to echo what everyone else has said.... I have suggested that my friends (women, cos as you say lots of men choose to shave their heads) but have had no takers as of yet...surprise, surprise...Don't think I would relish the thought, if roles reversed...not the most flattering style.....and it won't do any physical good...Nice gesture tho, JP Hope your mum gets on OK.....Just being there and helping her with jobs when she's tired would be appreciated, I'm sure... JMHO Pam xx I agree with everyone else. I told my wife I was shaving my head and she asked me if I'd lost my mind ;-) My advice is to support Mum as best you can, and spend a little time contributing time to the breast cancer community, either locally or on the Internet. Everyone has at least a story to share. BTW - my wife Deborah's Stage IV diagnosis was in 1999 and she's currently in remission for the second time. Life is good. Signatureallan we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. -- Anais Nin Allan, Did you wife ever get her dental implants? I am only asking since I am going to get one. Alex >I agree with everyone else. > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > BTW - my wife Deborah's Stage IV diagnosis was in 1999 and she's > currently in remission for the second time. Life is good. >Allan, >Did you wife ever get her dental implants? I am only asking since I am >going to get one. Alex Nope. When they extracted her teeth there wasn't enough bone left in her jaw for a full set of implants, so she decided if she still had to wear one plate she might as well wear two. Good luck, Alex ;-) Signatureallan we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. -- Anais Nin thank you all. http://www.pinkribbonshop.com is where i'm ordering mine. JP |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2009 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.