I'll try not to Mary but it is difficult. Here's what I am suffering from
Acute Stress Reaction and can be handled thus

http://www.crufad.com/self_help/trauma-level2.htm

thanks for you guidance

I think your reaction is normal. How is your wife taking this all? Can you
tell us about her?
More positive thoughts your way, Alex

Those rules seem pretty good: no 5 is important and easily overlooked.
You can't look after anyone if you don't look after yourself first.  One
must distinguish between making time for yourself and running away from
the problems.  It is easy for the conscientious caregiver to get into
feeling guilt that the former might be seen as the latter.  On the other
hand, the more selfish type can easily use the former as an excuse for
the latter.  Only you know what your motives are.

What doesn't get a mention is talking to her about her issues, as and
when she needs it.  There will be times when she wants to deny cancer
and get on with life as normal.  And there will be times when she wants
to discuss the issues she sees, but finds it hard to find anyone
understanding to listen to her or make intelligent responses beyond the
usual sort of "positive thinking" platitudes.

Be aware that she has a lot of new information to assimilate, and will
probably need help with that.  If you can be a "fly on the wall" at her
consultations, two heads are much better than one when it comes to later
thinking about what the consultant said, what the implications are, and
what questions need to be asked next time.  Then you can also make sure
that all the questions raised actually do get asked and answered at the
next consultation.

As far as sex is concerned, I don't remember cancer treatment per se
having any particular impact on that.  Of course if she's feeling ill
she may not much feel like sex, and if she's feeling depressed she may
feel more need for it, but that's life as normal, nothing special about
cancer.

Rule 4 rather skirts around the real issue which is about body image.
She may fell that having her breast 'mutilated' makes her unattractive
as a woman, and you may find that the wounds and scars turn you off.
The first is dealt with by being demonstrative in showing that you still
find her attractive.  The second is a normal response, but will pass if
you persevere.

While you've answered your own question for your particular case, the
general answer is no it is not normal but it might be done sometimes
where a normal biopsy was for some reason impracticable, although it
would probably then be described as a surgical biopsy rather than a
lumpectomy.

(snip)

definitive cancer diagnosis without a tissue evaluation by a pathologist.
We've seen some pretty scary looking mammos and ultrasounds that did not
turn out to be cancer so I would hope both of you take a nice deep breath
and take this one step at a time.  Your wife is in my prayers.  Denise

You're sounding more relaxed, that's good, I'm pleased.

Keep it up - and stick around here. You've a journey to complete and friends
along the route are good.

Mary

J and Burt, what does this have to do with breast cancer?  For those of us
who care, we know who is who.

Harry, hoping your wife does not have breast cancer 80% of biopsies are not
cancer, although with the ultrasound with more information, it may point
that way.

How does the US healthcare system measure up compare to the British system.
Anyways good luck with you wife's appointment. Alex

thank you and I am really sorry to hear that Pam. I'd like to keep my
wife's name out of it for now, typing it in connection with this would be
too much for me. Thank you for your kind thoughts and we will be thinking
about you as well.

All I can say is that I could care less what she looks like just so long as
we are together. Hope that clears that up.

Hp