hi barbara...yes, i've had similar experiences...let's just say that when REAL
life hits, such as a serious illness or major life stuff, some people just
can't step up to the plate...

i had one instance that a close family member just wasn't there for me during a
death situation...it disappointed me (and dang it, just made me ANGRY at the
time) that she was only thinking of herself in my time of need, but in
hindsight, i really knew all along that she has always been that way...a person
with very little empathetic skills, and who really wasn't as giving as she
could be...

now, i know that this family member loves me as much as she can love
anyone...but, it definitely wasn't the kind of support that i needed, and she
is indeed a fairly self centered/selfish person...i knew it then, so i was
partially to blame for thinking that anything would really be different...my
expectations were too high for this person...

so, perhaps your friend really does love you, but isn't able to step up to the
plate for you...selfish?  yes.  that should tell you something...so, i turned
to other people in my life that DID offer the kind of support system i
needed...some of them were total strangers!  

some people never get how to be true friends and be compassionate, empathetic
and selfless...hold dear those who can...they are few and far between, let me
tell you...take care, and feel good...harriet

My friends didn't call any more or less often after I was diagnosed - although
several did send get well cards (seemed strange because I never felt "sick") or
gifts through the mail to let me know they were thinking of me.  There was the
twit at work who felt the need to rattle off the names of all the people she'd
known with breast cancer, telling me they'd all died, but she was sure my case
would be different.  LOL - she didn't upset me, but I found that highly
insensitive....and STUPID (but typical) on her part.

Basically I didn't want anyone treating me any differently than before, and I
didn't act or do anything any different from my "normal" life while undergoing
treatment.  I think it helped that they could take their cue from me, but I
realize in some cases people might pull back from someone with a serious
illness.  It's not right, but it can happen.  A serious diagnosis will help you
to see who your true friends are, and who we can live without <g>.

Sue - DivaofDVC   aka WDW1972
DVC '97   OKW, Beach Club, Vero Beach, & Hilton Head

Yes, this is normal.  Many people have commented on it, here and in 'real
life'.  You find out who your real friends are.

"Champagne to my true friends and true pain to my sham friends."

I believe that people are afraid to face the C word, and especially terminal
disease, because we are raised to believe we are immortal, someday we have
to go through the painful process of coming to terms with mortality, when we
or our close friends/relatives stare it in the face.  Many would rather
ditch their friends and stay in denial than go through the pain unless they
have to.

Tim Jackson

I have had the opposite reaction from friends.  People come out of the
wood work in a crisis. People I wasn't particularly frinds with before
or haven't seen in ages.  It's like I only have friends when I have
cancer. It is nice but kind of irritating. Where were all these people
when I was so lonely and depressed and didn't have a friend in the
world?  Are they going to disappear if I go into remission again?  They
did last time.
Cathy

Barbara, I was wondering how old your friend is and also what her medical
status might be.  If she is anything like me--in my early 50's post-chemo and
post-menopausal, as well as having another neurological disorder which has
impacted short-term memory, I have had good friends tell me 'important' things
that I have forgotten, too.
My forgetting had nothing to do about not caring.  However, I do have another
life--my life--and when I am doing it, often don't recall much that isn't a
part of that life immediately.  It has to do with the changes that go along
with aging and the related memory loss associated with that and my own
related, medically based difficulties.
I might have avoided forgetting if I had written it down.  However, I don't
write all the other important things down that I should no either.
In addition, it could be pointed out that each of us has differences in our
abilities in this area as we age.   The person(s) who do remember to inquire
about these issues may not necessarily be better friends but have better
memories and less involved personal lives at the time.

Barbara wrote
<< A supposedly very close "friend" of mine knew I was going for a bone
scan and never called to see if all went well.  She waited almost two
weeks to call.  When I expressed my disappointment about her not
calling, she began extremely hostile and told me she had her own life.
This "friend" told me two weeks ago that she loved me.
What am I supposed to think?  I guess she wasn't the friend to me she
claimed to be, but I felt like I was kicked while I was down. >>