What did help:  I live alone.  Friends helped me do certain things while
I was restricted in how much weight I could lift, which went on for a
while.  Examples:

- Get 40lb bags of water softener salt from store & put in water softener
- Buy big bags of kitty litter & deliver to a place in my house where I
could deal with it from there.
- For a few days, take the 1-gallon bottles of bottled water I drank &
split them into half-gallons.
- For a few days, carry my groceries.
- For a week or so until I was permitted to drive, take me to doctor's
appointments and the grocery store.

Things that helped throughout, not just after surgery:
- Call & just talk (talk about cancer if I wanted to, without getting
freaked out about it, but mainly just chat & distract me)
- Invite me to go places that were manageable & distracting
- Send cards
- Bring treats
- Call when they were going to the store to see if I needed anything
- Stop in & cheer me up

It helped me emotionally & psychologically when people did things like
the above.  When you're going through something tough, it's wonderful to
have people who show that they're thinking about you and care about you.

A big deal is for friends to ask some questions, listen sensitively,
then offer *specific* things they can do.  A vague "let me know if I can
do anything" is hard to work with, since lots of people say that without
really meaning it.

Ann T.
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