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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Breast Cancer / February 2005

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What would have helped during those long months of chemotherapy?

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DaviesUK - 02 Feb 2005 16:49 GMT
What would have helped during those long months of chemotherapy?

I found this group extremely helpful and supporting 3 years ago when I had a
recurrence of breast cancer, and now I'm hoping to put together a piece on what
those being treated for cancer would like as support and help from the people
around them.

I feel that friends and family often would like to help but don't know what to
do, what would *really* be appreciated. I've looked at the FAQ (thanks, Tim)
and I'd like any other suggestions.

Steph

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A. P. Thorsen - 03 Feb 2005 22:47 GMT
> What would have helped during those long months of chemotherapy?

What did help:  Getting me out of the house, when I felt up to it.
Inviting me to go grocery shopping with them so it took a little less of
my ebbing energy.

Also, I was sicker than many women are these days on AC.  My
sister-in-law came and stayed with me the night of chemo, drove me back
to the cancer center the next day for another round of IV anti-nausea
meds & fluids on her way to work, then picked me up & took me home on
her lunch hour.

I could easily drive myself to the chemo treatment & back home, and
preferred to do so because I'm very independent-minded.  But I was
literally too sick to take myself back in the next day -- I wouldn't
have been safe to drive.

At the 11th hour (asked her day of chemo) another friend pinch-hit & did
what my SIL usually did (spent the night, etc.), because my SIL was
sick/contagious.

Friends also asked questions about what I could eat, and what felt good
to eat, during the nausea phase, and made food for me.

Ann T.
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Mary Fisher - 04 Feb 2005 11:46 GMT
>> What would have helped during those long months of chemotherapy?
>
> I could easily drive myself to the chemo treatment & back home, and
> preferred to do so because I'm very independent-minded.  But I was
> literally too sick to take myself back in the next day -- I wouldn't have
> been safe to drive.

I was puzzled by this then realised that you're in US, in UK (where Steph
is) the ambulance service will provide transport. But there can be a lot of
waiting around so someone you know and can rely on to drive you must be a
Good Thing.

Mary
A. P. Thorsen - 04 Feb 2005 14:04 GMT
>>>What would have helped during those long months of chemotherapy?
>>
[quoted text clipped - 7 lines]
> waiting around so someone you know and can rely on to drive you must be a
> Good Thing.

The American Cancer Society (a charitable organization) here has -- at
least in urban-ish areas -- programs that can drive cancer patients to
appointments.  I'm betting church groups, etc., would have volunteers
who would do likewise in more rural areas.  Just my feeling:  It's less
bureaucratic, and feels more comforting, to have someone close to you
taking care of you when you're too sick to take care of yourself.

Ann T.
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Mary Fisher - 04 Feb 2005 14:33 GMT
>>>>What would have helped during those long months of chemotherapy?
>>>
[quoted text clipped - 14 lines]
> bureaucratic, and feels more comforting, to have someone close to you
> taking care of you when you're too sick to take care of yourself.

Indeed.

Perhaps our voluntary associations - such as Lions, WI etc. - have people
who would do the same. I used to use our mini bus for transporting various
kinds of needy people to lots of places through an initiative in our parish
church. I bet there are still such projects in UK.

Although USA and UK cultures are very different in many ways we are still
made up of people with similar wills to offer help where it's needed.

Mary
eveline - 04 Feb 2005 17:03 GMT
It is definitely a problem in rural Ohio here in the states. Or even in the
city if like my daughter you have to travel as far as from Dayton to
Columbus for the chemo.

My niece has children in school, her husband works, so since she had to give
up her teaching job. her husband really needs to work to pay bills.  So her
dad takes her to the treatments.  Hard to know how long she will continue
these, since she has no much mets everywhere.  Just trying to get the chemo
and radiation to take her to June.

My daughters new husband ( a second marriage) took her for the treatments,
but he could not handle the cancer and my daughter's emotions.  Sadly it was
found a few weeks after the marriage. They are now in the process of a
divorce.  She did get extremely upset and worried, and he stayed away as
much as he could, except taking her to the treatments.  He kept telling her
she should act better and downplayed  the issue.  An exceptionally beautiful
woman btw.

It brings out the best and worst in people when tradgety strikes.  It did
show what he was made of, in my opinion.

Since I was taking care of my spouse 24/7,  365,  I was torn two ways.  A
very difficult time.
I don't have any solutions for when there is much traveling involved to get
the treatments.   I wish I did.

eveline
Mary Fisher - 04 Feb 2005 17:21 GMT
> It is definitely a problem in rural Ohio here in the states. Or even in
> the
[quoted text clipped - 20 lines]
> beautiful
> woman btw.

Oh how awful for her! But perhaps she'll be better off ...

> It brings out the best and worst in people when tradgety strikes.  It did
> show what he was made of, in my opinion.
>
> Since I was taking care of my spouse 24/7,  365,  I was torn two ways.  A
> very difficult time.

Yes ...

> I don't have any solutions for when there is much traveling involved to
> get
> the treatments.   I wish I did.

There are always very hard cases for which there doesn't seem to be a
solution :-(

Mary

> eveline
 
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