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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Breast Cancer / December 2004How do I tell them?
What do I say to my co-workers? Do I tell them one by one? Just blurt it out? Tell a group at a time? I never liked to talk about anything personal at work and don't know what to say. Maybe I don't have to say anything. What have you done in this situation?  SignatureKathy aka smiley In God We Trust What do I say to my co-workers? Do I tell them one by one? Just blurt it out? Tell a group at a time? I never liked to talk about anything personal at work and don't know what to say. Maybe I don't have to say anything. What have you done in this situation? -- Kathy aka smiley In God We Trust Difficult to answer without knowing your work environment. In most offices if you tell your boss and one or two of your close friends, and make it clear it's not a secret, most people will know by the end of the day! > What do I say to my co-workers? Do I tell them one by one? Just blurt > it out? Tell a group at a time? I never liked to talk about anything > personal at work and don't know what to say. Maybe I don't have to say > anything. What have you done in this situation? I just told people, as it came up, in as matter-of-fact a way as possible. For example, I had to tell people I'd be off work for a while for the surgery. When I told them that I'd be off (such as to plan coverage or progress on projects while I was gone), I'd simply tell them why. Personally and self-interested-ly, I looked at this in part as an educational thing. Lots of women get breast cancer. Many don't want to admit it. Consequently, the frequency of breast cancer doesn't have its appropriate impact (encouraging others to keep up on mammograms & the like). While I'm not commonly very self-revealing, this didn't seem so -- it was just an objective fact. However, my co-workers and workplace have a strong history of being supportive of people with health problems in general, so there was essentially no risk associated with my telling people. Ann T. Remove 'dontsendspam' from address to reply by email My solution won't work for everyone, but here is what I did. I knew from living life that people will gossip and info will get distorted just from one telling to the next. I wanted neither to have people tip toe around me because of the b.c., nor to have people write me off as too ill to return. The only way to have any control over the truth was to tell everyone myself. I sent an e-mail to my bosses, my peers, and every one in my supervisory chain. They all had the same info and it came from me. And they all learned something about b.c., to their own benefits and their families'. I got lots of positive feedback for that approach: people said they learned a lot, they were glad I relieved them of the burden of figuring out how to handle the topic around me, and they were very generous in their help to me and my husband. I also sent a similar e-mail/snail mail to friends and family. tk What do I say to my co-workers? Do I tell them one by one? Just blurt it out? Tell a group at a time? I never liked to talk about anything personal at work and don't know what to say. Maybe I don't have to say anything. What have you done in this situation? SignatureKathy aka smiley In God We Trust hi kathy- this is a problem i've had for some time now. i still haven't figured out the "right" way to deal with it. so far i've been going on the "need to know" theory. if you need to know about my condition, then i tell you in a very matter of fact way with minimal details and only as much discussion as you want. early on, i told alot of people and i found it awkward. people started treating me differently. i'm 38 years old and late stage 4, but you'd really never know i'm even sick just looking at me. i'm doing hormonal therapy and so have kept most of my hair. the bruises on my arms and holes in my veins raise some eyebrows here and there, but nobody asks what they are. i can pass as healthy and usually do just that. but i am slightly disabled due to multiple bone mets and can't do all the things that i look like i should be able to do. it makes it difficult because if someone doesn't know, but sees me struggling with walking or lifting something, they just think i'm lazy or a baby. but if i tell them, they seem to get frieked out because of the serioiusness of my illness. i have often told "white lies" - i have a bad back, or bad hip, or whatever it is that's bothering me that they noticed. it's not untrue, and explains my disability, without making people uncomfortable. occasionally it backfires when the person will ask what's wrong with my back, or start in on a rant about their own back problems etc... on the flipside, i feel as another poster wrote, that bc should come out of the closet so to speak, and if people are uncomfortable with it, perhaps i can act as a positive example of life with late stage bc and help disipate some of the fear and anxiety most people have about serious illness. it's something my boyfriend and i argue about. i feel in my gut that i shouldn't have to hide it, or lie about it. he feels that i should keep my mouth shut and don't tell anyone because it makes them "uncomfortable". so, for me the jury is still out. i guess in the workplace, some people need to know and gossip is everywhere, so eventually everyone will know anyway. if it were me, i would take it as it comes. tell my boss, because he/she needs to know. beyond that, do whatever feels right. i hope your battle with this beast is short and successful. happy holidays and best for your new year! :) -christina |
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