In the "Feeling tired . . ." thread, there's been some drift into
negative experiences with in-person support groups.  I'm wondering
whether that's the common feeling, or mainly a "me, too" supportive
reaction to the initial point from those who happen to have similar
experience.

In part for the benefit of those more recently diagnosed who may've
wondered about trying an in-person support group, I thought I'd try
starting a thread on the subject.  Some possible questions:

- Have you attended an in-person breast cancer support group?
- Do you continue to attend?
- If you've tried it & didn't like it, what was it that made you decide
not to go back?
- If you continue to attend, what do you find good & helpful about that
group, and how does it compare with online support here?  What scenarios
would you turn here for, vs. your in-person group?
- What ground rules or practices do you think make an in-person group
effective or ineffective?

Here's me:

I started going to an in-person group shortly after diagnosis/surgery.
Such things aren't natural to me (I'm not "groupish" and tend to feel
awkward socially), but I had read that some reseach showed better
outcomes for those in support groups.  While other research showed no
benefit, there are certainly no bothersome health-type side effects of
group participation, so I decided to go & play the odds.

The first time, I felt very uncomfortable, and didn't want to go back.
I felt like I didn't have anything in common with the other women, most
of whom were married, had children, had outlooks/interests *very*
different from me.

But I decided to give it another try.  The second visit felt much
better.  Now I go routinely, and feel good about it.

I like having somewhere I can go where I can talk about BC experiences
as if they were a commonplace, laugh about funny things that make
non-BC-survivors uncomfortable rather than amused (e.g., "incidents"
involving prostheses), and get/offer in person support.  It's also
helpful for getting info about local resources (medical services,
support programs, etc.).

I still feel a little sad inside (as I do here) when others make fond
jokes or talk about good support from their husbands, but I don't let
that show.  (There are some other single women there, but I don't think
there are other widows, and .)

This group is good for quick answers & reactions, but it's harder to
form relationships and keep everyone's history clear online, than it is
in an in-person group.  The group is also a good focal point for
organizing teams for Race for the Cure or Making Strides Against Breast
Cancer, or similar fund-raisers.  But the in-person group only meets
monthly.

What helps the group work is having clear, enforced ground rules (what's
said here stays here, no interrupting, everyone gets a chance to talk,
don't mention doctors by name, etc.), plus a good facilitator.

The particular group I attend also has informational programs every
other month, in addition to just discussion roundtable.  These cover
things like BC-focused exercise programs, advances in treatment,
reconstruction options, and more.  That keeps the group useful for those
who've been out of treatment longer.

My breast cancer survivors' rowing team also functions in part as a
support group, and is really ideal in that respect.  It brings survivors
together in an environment where sharing and support is available, but
isn't the total focus of the group.

Overall, I'd recommend the in-person support group as a useful thing, if
you have a decent group locally . . . and would suggest giving it more
than one chance, unless you're *deeply* turned off.

Ann T.
Remove 'dontsendspam' from address to reply by email
R