The Gambler (sorry Kenny Rogers)

On any given evenin', comes a goof from out of nowhere,
offering to wager--to prove he's not a creep.
He takes turns a' braggin' about how he cures those diseases
with long-winded diatribes that can put you fast asleep.

He says "Son, I've made a life out of spinnin' tales and lyin'
to inflate my sense of self-worth and to pat my own back.
I write long and senseless postings, just to see my thoughts on usenet,
without a grain of truth, and a disregard for fact."

Chorus:

You've got to know when to tell 'em, know how to sell 'em
that you're a shaman, a doctor, big cheese.
You never admit that you're looney, that it's all a big fable,
that in your case it's lying that's the uncurable disease.

Now all BS artists know that the secret to survivin'
is to get mad and call folks names, just to hide your own shame.
But everybody knows that Merlin has just been jivin'
about everything he's written, and that includes his name. (Sing it
Larry!)

So when he finds that no one's buyin', we hope he'll quit his posting
as he has promised to, so many times before.
Or that somewhere in the ward, they'll lock up the computer,
and deny him access to his fantasies galore.

Chorus:

You've got to know when to tell 'em, know how to sell 'em
that you're a shaman, a doctor, big cheese.
You never admit that you're looney, that it's all a big fable,
that in your case it's lying that's the uncurable disease.