Dateline-Rockville, MD

A spokesperson for the beleaguered FDA announced that Hardin S
Stoneheart has been utterly and completely wrong lo these many years,
"We've tracked it. He's always backed whatever the drug companies and
our office has said. Unfortunately, that hasn't paid off for him."

"Today we must report that quite a few people have suffered needlessly
and possibly suffered a heart attack as a result. The bottom line is
this: we were wrong about Celebrex. We were wrong about Vioxx. And we
were wrong about Alleve. So Stonehert was wrong, too. All along.

"We'll probably be wrong about lots of other drugs, although you might
not hear about them. I guess you know where that'll put the Stoner.
Yeah, wrong."

"We don't know if or how many people might have died due to
Stoneheart's 100% wrong streak. All we can say is caveat emptor."