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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Arthritis / December 2005Ahhh, the "joys" of the self-educated physician types
Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta get this out of my aching head.... What makes a family member (either the step-daughter or the Mother-in-law - probably the latter, she's a bit of problem) decide that your neighbo(u)rs need to know your health conditions and medications? Why should it matter to my neighbo(u)rs that I am disabled, and how? I don't invite their children into my home (ever), I don't invite their SOs into my home (ever), I don't "bother" anyone, I don't offer to share my pain medications (ever) with anyone. What a lovely morning it was. I was relaxing, having my coffee, watching Sportscenter. The spousal unit was on the computer, just goofing. Doorbell, dog goes nuts, because she always barks at the doorbell, even when I'm the one standing there and pushing the button. She isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, my dog. Look out, and there are several of my male (yes, it matters) neighbo(u)rs. They wanted to discuss my disability with me (HUH?). I asked what their problems were. They tell me (in no particular order): 1) I need to stop my medications for RA, because they are toxic (okay, they are, but I like being a bit functional). Otherwise, I need 24 hour care to get me to the toilet and such. 2) I need to ask God to cure me, and if He doesn't, then I don't deserve to be cured. Really? Don't think I want to know *that* God, thanks. 3) According to their doctors (and probably some stupid pastor - and I use that term loosely), RA is not disabling. It's a "made-up" disease to allow women to put their "work" off on their hard working husbands (!). This from men who don't work? I'm impressed! Of course, the men who have RA have a "real" disease, apparently only women have the fake one! 4) I must get rid of my pain-killers because their children might get ahold of them (not real frickin' likely, unless they break into my house and my safe and steal them, your kids little theives are they?). I'd be more worried about the adults getting ahold of my drugs, the freakin' scumbags! 5) I must get out and get a job, because after all I am faking being disabled (amazingly enough, I haven't attempted to strangle anyone yet), and they are tired of having to pay my disability (this from people on welfare, and YES I do know that for a fact, I used to be the worker for a couple of them, who don't work --- duh)! I can't expect my husband to do *everything*, now can I? My husband finally came over and told them get off our property. I was dumbfounded! You know, I'm not usually at a loss for words, normally I've got a million, and they aren't always appropriate. My hubby had to leave for work, and almost called in sick. He doesn't want me to be alone around these idiots. I called the police, after the "caring" people left. Filed a report, and explained some of my concerns (that they know I have narcotics in my home, in a safe yes, but still). There is nothing they can do (I knew that), but at least now they know. How absolutely asinine that I should allow such people to affect me. Sorry it got "windy", but you know I seem to feel a bit better (spew). Thanks for allowing me to be a whiney butt. Seems like my headache is getting better too, imagine that! Smokie Darling (Annie) can't imagine anyone having that much nerve! Glad your hubby stepped in an made them leave. And I think I would let that family member know just how much I appreciated their interference. Gwen > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > get this out of my aching head.... [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > > Smokie Darling (Annie) > can't imagine anyone having that much nerve! Glad your hubby > stepped in an made them leave. And I think I would let that family member > know just how much I appreciated their interference. > Gwen But how to do this at this time of year? Personally, I don't ever want to speak with her (either her) again, but I can't justify it. Heck, I'm even feeling guilty because I wished my "non-existent" disease on my visitors for a week! Good Lord, how did my head get so turned around, I mean I'm all for turning the other cheek, but come on.... SD (Annie) > > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > > get this out of my aching head.... [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > > > > Smokie Darling (Annie) >> can't imagine anyone having that much nerve! Glad your hubby >> stepped in an made them leave. And I think I would let that family [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > But how to do this at this time of year? Personally, I don't ever want > to speak with her (either her) again, but I can't justify it. Make the family member your ally. Call her up, after you've calmed a bit, and tell her what happened as if you have no idea who could have tipped the idiot neighbors off. Play up how hurt you were, how you had to call the police (I'd lead off with that one), and how your husband had to come to the rescue. If nothing else, she won't pull that particular stunt again. Walt BTW, that reminds me. Years ago we had a "cure of the day" thread here - kind of a daily round that allowed us to vent about how stupid some people can be. Maybe we should start that again! > My husband finally came over and told them get off our property. I was > dumbfounded! You know, I'm not usually at a loss for words, normally > I've got a million, and they aren't always appropriate. Good for your guy. I would of enjoyed doing the same thing. I would have to know which of my well meaning relatives did me this favor.... They could do it again. > My hubby had to leave for work, and almost called in sick. He doesn't > want me to be alone around these idiots. I called the police, after [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Smokie Darling (Annie) I really do hope that getting this off your chest helps you to forget about it. We can not live our lives by what ignorant people say or do. Harv > > My husband finally came over and told them get off our property. I was > > dumbfounded! You know, I'm not usually at a loss for words, normally [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > about it. We can not live our lives by what ignorant people say or do. > Harv Thanks Harv, you've no idea how much appreciate the support. SD (Annie) - My DH suspects his mother. Seems his daughter doesn't know about my drugs (not the vicuprofen). <sigh> won't Thanksgiving be fun? I'd never believe it if you hadn't said it. Fer crying out loud where do they get off. A group of neighborhood men arriving at your door uninvited would be pretty far out of line all by itself. What would it take to get a restraining order so they could be arrested if they ever set foot on your property again? Your health is no one's business but yours and your husband's. And anyone else you choose to share it with. Invasion of privacy hardly begins to cover it. Jo > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > get this out of my aching head.... [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > > Smokie Darling (Annie) > I'd never believe it if you hadn't said it. Fer crying out loud where do > they get off. A group of neighborhood men arriving at your door uninvited [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Jo I'm still having trouble with it. These are people who I have helped whenever I could. Baking things when someone was sick (or family had passed). Offering whatever help I could (driving people to appointments) before I got so bad, and even now when I'm going "into town", I would ask if they needed anything. I am just ... saddened I guess. I never thought we were friends, but I thought I had earned a bit of respect, how wrong is that? It feels like a slap, I've done as much as I can (and now I'm being "bad", but more than any of them ever did for anyone I know about) to help... ARGH!!! Since I wasn't "threatened" I have no grounds for a restraining order. Fortunately, though I've had trouble with the local cops before (small town and I'm not from "around here"), they have all said that all I need do is call, and they will come right away to help me. Now that the anger is finally abating, I feel like crying. It is unfair (yes, I know life isn't fair). I have always tried to be the best person I knew how, and this is how people say thank you. I'm a loser, drug-abuser, low-life who can't be trusted (that's how it feels, especially the thing about the kids and my drugs). I know I'm not those things, but that's how I'm feeling right now. What are the stages? Anger, sorrow, bargaining (I am NOT bargaining with these people or their families), and acceptance (I'm missing denial, where does that fit?). Ach! Enough with the self-pity... How do I get back to the anger? :-) Smokie Darling (Annie) > > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > > get this out of my aching head.... <<snipped>> > What are the stages? Anger, sorrow, bargaining (I am NOT bargaining > with these people or their families), and acceptance (I'm missing > denial, where does that fit?). > > Ach! Enough with the self-pity... How do I get back to the anger? > :-) I'd call the suggestion that their children are at risk from your drugs, when the drugs are in your house (and locked up no less) and the "children" are not a threat. The only way their children would have access would be if they or their parents broke into your house. It is encouraging that they are pseudo-religious anti modern medicine types. But not very. Jo Oh my god, I cant believe these sort of people still exist in the year 2005. The uninformed are just so intelligent aren't they. I am just amazed you didn't kill them all right there and then. Well done Annie for your self control, big *GOLD* star for you. I would get a leaflet printed up about RA. Included Doctors Names and Numbers and put one in there letter boxes. Uninformed idiots, I hope you can get past this for what it is, utter religious ignorants. Supported in your Anger. Suz > Oh my god, I cant believe these sort of people still exist in the year 2005. > The uninformed are just so intelligent aren't they. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Suz Oddly, I never thought of them (I know them all) as being "religious". Strangely, I have faith (that's my own, and I won't bore anyone with it), and I believe, but... This is just weird, these people are always home (whenever I think to look), they yell obscenities at their kids and others. Since I'd never been the recipient of their ire, I had been under the impression that I was "acceptable" to them. I do have a temper (red hair and all). I'm not sure who was more surprised at my lack of very vocal response, me or the spousal unit (ha). I would print out info for them, but 1) I'm not convinced they would read it (or could, that's mean, but I'm not feeling very gracious right now). 2) they might realize that it upset, rather than shocked me. I don't want to "give" them that power. Amazing how stupid things can set one off, huh? SD (Annie) I totally understand where your coming from. I consider myself to have faith but its people like your neighbours that go off half cocked and don't really try and understand problems of any sort not just medical and make ridiculous assumptions that just sends me crazy. And are your neighbours kids known for breaking into houses as that is the only way they would get to your drugs. I wonder who has the problem you or them. Hope things improve. suz > I totally understand where your coming from. I consider myself to have > faith but its people like your neighbours that go off half cocked and don't [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > only way they would get to your drugs. I wonder who has the problem you or > them. Actually, just found out that the youngest boy to my north has a two felonies on his record (he's about 8), and one was for burglary. The cops have already been over there, but I guess I do have something to worry about. Poor kid, he always seemed so nice, wanting to help me with my groceries (DH was always here so didn't need help). Here I was thinking they'd raised him right, and maybe he just wanted to case the joint. > Hope things improve. > suz You should move back from Afghanistan as soon as possible. Cooly > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > get this out of my aching head.... [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > > Smokie Darling (Annie) Try this next time, Annie: Get two of those looooooong Samurai swords. Mount them over the front door on the inside.(They are a nice decorative touch) When visitors such as these are babbling on yer doorstep, reach up...hold a sword in each hand....and scream "Shinto Lives!!" Betcha you won't get the same group of boneheads twice! Many Hugs from Rosie  Signature"If you wanna get it done, you gotta fight for yourself." -- Meat Loaf, Bat Outta Hell II > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > get this out of my aching head.... [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > > Smokie Darling (Annie) > Try this next time, Annie: > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Many Hugs from Rosie OMG, Rosie! Thank you so much! I really needed that laugh, you are so good to me. SD (Annie) - still laughin' - <whisper>shinto lives<bwahahahahaha> > -- > "If you wanna get it done, you gotta fight for yourself." -- Meat Loaf, Bat [quoted text clipped - 65 lines] > > > > Smokie Darling (Annie) Domo arigato, Annie-san! <bg> ReHugs from Rosie Signature"If you wanna get it done, you gotta fight for yourself." -- Meat Loaf, Bat Outta Hell II > > > Try this next time, Annie: [quoted text clipped - 82 lines] > > > > > > Smokie Darling (Annie) >2) I need to ask God to cure me, and if He doesn't, then I don't >deserve to be cured. Really? Don't think I want to know *that* God, >thanks. Probably the same idots who are opposed to the upcoming cervical cancer vaccine. Next time call the police and charge them with trespassing. You have my sympathy and hugs. -- MZ Visit my website: http://www.mzuschlag.com My husband and I had taken my husband's grandchildren and their mother (ex-wife of his middle son) to Orlando, Disney World for a week. My husband wants to keep close contact with his grandchildren which means we keep contact with their mother. Anyway, when we on our trip she stated that she believes that RA or any disease or disaster is caused be some sin either you or your parents or grandparents committed (a 3 generational kind of curse). She considers herself a person of faith. There are a lot of misguided people in this world. Elizabeth I wonder what she will say if she comes down with RA or any of many other diseases she could have! Gwen > My husband and I had taken my husband's grandchildren and their mother > (ex-wife of his middle son) to Orlando, Disney World for a week. My [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Elizabeth >I wonder what she will say if she comes down with RA or any of many other > diseases she could have! > Gwen Probably curse her grandmother. Could never be grandfather's fault in this particular alternate universe. Jo >> My husband and I had taken my husband's grandchildren and their mother >> (ex-wife of his middle son) to Orlando, Disney World for a week. My [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >> >> Elizabeth > She considers herself a person of faith. > There are a lot of misguided people in this world. > > Elizabeth Hi Elizabeth,,,, It is not for you and I to decide what kind of or degree of faith a person has. I would find out a little more before you carry hard feelings for a person that may not of done the deed as they say. I realize that this may be just another thing added to a long list with this person buttttt a little proof would be good..... There are times when how we act or react to things that happen in life shows others just what kind of faith we ourselves have or maybe,,,,what little faith we have. Anyway it goes,,, you have had a good talk out about it and I hope you can let it go. Harv Annie, I'm sorry that you had to go through this. But good for your husband! I'm glad he was ther! Take care, Vickie B. I was relating my story in sympathy for Smokie Darling (Annie). I don't hold grudges, life is too short. We continue to be loving and generous grandparents and are always there when they or their mother need us. Vickie - I was glad my husband was there. Elizabeth > Anyway, when we on our trip she stated that she believes that RA or any > disease or disaster is caused be some sin either you or your parents or > grandparents committed (a 3 generational kind of curse). She considers > herself a person of faith. oh man, why do people insist on making God such a vengeful, wrathful being? Just to bring God down to their level, so to speak? That so annoys me...... Meanwhile, I'm the third generation with auto-immune illness (me - PA, Daddy and his mother - RA). I know it's not Daddy's fault - he was the 2nd generation with it and he was a good soul anyway. Didn't know Mammy that well, but all the tales portray her as fairly good.... so I guess by this belief it could all be the fault of someone at least 6 generations ago? Sheesh. SignatureNann remove the Gator cheer to email me Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare Kinda makes me wonder, considering your reports of their lack of gainful employment, if they'd been up all night drinking together and egging each other on to go tell you off! There's no doubt that this behavior is not remotely "neighborly" in any way. Can you see who's at your door before you answer? I hope so, so you can refuse to answer in the future when any of them are there. Should one get the sense to want to apologize - shout through the door that he can write a letter! I like Walt's idea about how to talk to the suspected leaker of information. SignatureNann remove the Gator cheer to email me Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare > Kinda makes me wonder, considering your reports of their lack of gainful > employment, if they'd been up all night drinking together and egging each [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > remove the Gator cheer to email me > Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare I have tried it (Walt's idea). MiL is not responsive, step daughter was so angry she was crying (and then went next door to tell them that their daughter would no longer be babysitting my granddaughter). S-D didn't know I had vicuprofen, but she knew about the medicine safe, which I purchased after a small fire destroyed my "regular" pills and I had to jump through hoops to get a "new" refill. I can see who's at the door. I haven't been answering it for a couple of days. One of my "other" neighbo(u)rs has been coming by each evening (turns out I should have opened the door for her, but I was a bit gunshy). Most of the neighbo(u)rs don't drink, at least not in public. Had they been intoxicated, I could have (and probably would have) turned them in for "drunk in public" (I love that comedian). I think they were just being jerks (and then some). None have come by since they were thrown off the property. They don't even look my way when I am outside (that's fine). The *other* neighbo(u)rs (who have now ALL heard the story) have come by and raked all my leaves, did the last mow on my lawn, cleaned out my gutters (etc.), and all those things that should have been done sooner. Apparently, they all "knew" about my drugs and disability, but they felt it wasn't a problem. No one is saying where they heard it though (I have a "legendary" temper <blush>). The "lazy" neighbo(u)rs seem upset that I'm getting help, that was truly appreciated but not needed, as DH and I were going to do this stuff before Thanksgiving (now I have something else to be truly thankful for). I'm kind of liking listening to them whine about all the work they have yet to do on their yards... That's mean, I know, but I want to be mean today. I should not enjoy the discomfort of others, but I do like watching how He works (the helping me out part, not the mean stuff, that's me being mean). It's good to know that you have plenty of good, kind neighbors to help balance out those bozos. It's really neat that they wanted to help you out, even if you didn't really need it. I see it as their way of making a statement in response tot eh bozos, an open declaration that those fellas weren't speaking for the whole neighborhood. As for the healthy guys whining - well, if they'd get to work and do it, it wouldn't still need doing! You don't sound *too* mean in enjoying listening to me. Now if you were raking all your leaves into their yards so they'd have more to rake...... heehee, might be fun to think about but don't do it! heehee (our town will not pick up yard waste and burning is illegal, so everyone just lets the leaves blow around. Unfortunately, they tend to all blow up against our side door for some reason, so I'm always raking ours around back. then the neighbors leaves blow up and I rake them around...... Oh well, it's all under ice and snow now.) SignatureNann remove the Gator cheer to email me Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare > I have tried it (Walt's idea). MiL is not responsive, step daughter > was so angry she was crying (and then went next door to tell them that [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > watching how He works (the helping me out part, not the mean stuff, > that's me being mean). Annie, I am sorry this has happened to you. I don't think a family member had any business doing that at all. I also don't feel it was right for what your neighbors did about saying those things to you. It is none of their business. But I know how it goes. I have a well meaning neighbor that does the same thing too. They are a minister and his wife. I try to be nice. But it is getting harder and harder to be so. I sure hope that never happens to you again. I also read your other post about the good neighbors. That makes it worth it to know there are good in the neighborhood too. I am so glad they helped you out with the yard.It sure does sound like it was their way of making a stand and saying we don't believe what the others are saying. We are here to help. That was great. I am also glad you told them that they would not be babysitting your granddaughter any more too. Good for you for standing up to them. Good job. I am proud of you. SignatureLove and hugs to all Good thoughts coming your way too. Squirrely Jo > Okay, this is a vent, and you may not want to read it, but I've gotta > get this out of my aching head.... [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > > Smokie Darling (Annie) It is not easy to stand up and be counted--you certainly did--and thank God for the good neighbors....... SignatureLove, Alix "We are all pencils in the hand of God." ~Mother Teresa >I also don't feel it was right for what your neighbors did about saying >those things to you. It is none of their business. But I know how it goes. >I have a well meaning neighbor that does the same thing too. They are a >minister and his wife. I try to be nice. But it is getting harder and harder >to be so. Annie, I missed your original post, just saw it with this reply. I can't believe people would do that. Are they completely nuts? What a nerve! Gee, so the pain I have is fake, eh? If they come calling again put out an SOS for me and I'll jump on my broom and have a "wee chat" with them. What utter gall! --- Joan Annie, I just can't get over this, I really can't. I also can't imagine how you must've felt standing in your doorway, listening to this crap. I don't know what else to say....other than that I am sorry that you had to go through this. ((Annie)) Char > Annie, > I just can't get over this, I really can't. [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > ((Annie)) > Char Thank you Char. Things have settled down, the icky neighbo(u)rs who came by are trying very hard to pretend I don't exist (thank heaven), and the really nice neighbo(u)rs are coming by daily to check on me to see if I need anything (like a big, strong guy to throw someone off the property when the DH isn't home). I've been trying to make cookies and such for the "goodies", but... Well, I'm doing the best I can with the storm coming in. Smokie Darling (Annie) - Have I said lately how much I adore this group? >>I also don't feel it was right for what your neighbors did about saying >>those things to you. It is none of their business. But I know how it goes. [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > --- > Joan Annie, I missed the original post as well (saw what I think was the whole thing in Jo's follow-up. Holy crap! Those sort of people make my skin crawl. They're dangerous (as you gathered right away), and with too much time on their hands, which makes for an unsettling combination to say the least. Good for you for calling the police. I'd go one step further and find out who spoke to them and gave them those intimate medical details. That person needs a smack. I volunteer to help: the bone density in my hands has increased a bit. *hugs* Ari Signaturespammage trappage: remove the underscores to reply I'm going to die rather sooner than I'd like. I tried to protect my neighbours from crime, and became the victim of it. Complications in hospital following this resulted in a serious illness. I now need a bone marrow transplant. Many people around the world are waiting for a marrow transplant, too. Please volunteer to be a marrow donor: http://www.abmdr.org.au/ http://www.marrow.org/ > >>I also don't feel it was right for what your neighbors did about saying > >>those things to you. It is none of their business. But I know how it goes. [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > Ari Ahhh, let's use my cane to smack her (was the MiL, who still sees no problem with what she did). Then both our hands will be safe. I'll hold her, you smack her (hee). She is upset because I have siad that I will not be coming to her house anymore (nope, not even for Christmas). Even DH said we go see the daughter and granddaughter and if Mom shows up, we'll leave. I think he's madder than I am! I've told her that she has put me at risk, and her response was: "Well, maybe you get rid of those drugs?" Now, I can be a beeyotch (and a b*tch even), and I could say a few things about HER meds... But I won't. She's 70, she is also disabled, she's a twit (but DH loves her, and I still love her, just don't like her much right now). SD (Annie) > -- > spammage trappage: remove the underscores to reply [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > http://www.abmdr.org.au/ > http://www.marrow.org/ >>>>I also don't feel it was right for what your neighbors did about saying >>>>those things to you. It is none of their business. But I know how it goes. [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > > SD (Annie) I can empathise. We're not like;y to be going to this years big family Christmas lunch/dinner. The last family get together the family completely ignored my wife and my mother in law, deliberately, and contaminated the food before a portion could be put aside for me (being neutropenic, lymphocytopenic, and severely immunosuppressed means I have very specific requirements for food handling and preparation). This is nothing new, and we've had it. Frell 'em! Anyone that puts me or mine in danger can go play pogo on a broomstick! Cheers, Ari Signaturespammage trappage: remove the underscores to reply I'm going to die rather sooner than I'd like. I tried to protect my neighbours from crime, and became the victim of it. Complications in hospital following this resulted in a serious illness. I now need a bone marrow transplant. Many people around the world are waiting for a marrow transplant, too. Please volunteer to be a marrow donor: http://www.abmdr.org.au/ http://www.marrow.org/ > >>>>I also don't feel it was right for what your neighbors did about saying > >>>>those things to you. It is none of their business. But I know how it goes. [quoted text clipped - 53 lines] > > Ari Exactalactally! Or something like that. the MiL did that to my dad and nieces the one time they came over. Sat them in the "front" room alone, with none of us there (well I ended up with them), got mad at me for going out there. Piffle on 'em all, right? > -- > spammage trappage: remove the underscores to reply [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > http://www.abmdr.org.au/ > http://www.marrow.org/ You know, I'm going to be asking at my next treatment (since it's done in the cancer center) about being a marrow donor. I may not be able to, but I'd like to if I can. SD (Annie) >I've told her that she has put me at risk, and her response was: >"Well, maybe you get rid of those drugs?" I'm revving up my broom for a visit to her! --- Joan > >I've told her that she has put me at risk, and her response was: > >"Well, maybe you get rid of those drugs?" [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > --- > Joan Oooohhh, you have a broom too???? Mine was in the shop, but I'll be getting it back soon (ha). I've just been trying to ignore her (for too many years). Finally her son (my DH) told her what he thought of what she did (shock, I was soooo shocked), and informed her that neither he nor I would be partaking in "family" things for a while at her home. Then his daughter came over and asked me to make my deviled eggs (mom's recipe) because Grandma's just don't taste right. So, for her (son-in-law and grandbaby) I made some, now the in-laws (brother and his wife) want the recipe, but won't tell mom about it (hee-hee). SD (Annie) |
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