Debbie - I know from first hand how hard it is to move a parent into
assisted liveing when they are resisting. Does the place you have
picked out have "respite care" where you can go on a trial basis?  I
know that's what lots of families did in the facility where Mom lived.
And after the trial basis the parent was all with the program. Of
course, you do run the risk of what to do if they don't get with the
program especially if they can't go back to their old living
arrangements.  Mom wasn't so upset about the move as she was about
giving up some of her independence like doing her own meds. The
facility really didn't like the person being in charge of their own
meds. What she did like was the hotel like feel the place had. She said
"I always wanted to live at the Palace" refering to the old Palace
Hotel in NYC where she stayed when she was a dancer in her teens. So we
called it "the Palace with perks."  It was hard for her to be involved
socially but once she was it was much better for her. Keep in close
contact with the activities director and make sure that your Dad is
being reminded of what is available the first few weeks so he doesn't
feel so left out.  Groups of seniors can be just like those groups of
teens you might remember at high school lunch if you are the new kid on
the block and hard to break into.  A good assisted living facility has
a plan to help the new person assimilate into the group living
arrangement with ease. Mom was taken to a dining table with other
singles so she didn't have to eat alone. She stayed friends with those
people for 4 years now even though she's in the nursing home next door.
They come to visit her.

Are you close enough that you will be able to visit him easily?  I was
only 5 miles from Mom, still am, and it makes it easier on both. I am
able to drop by and check on her as well as my husband and son. When
I'm sick, only they go but it's comforting to know that she's in a good
place and they are taking good care of her. It also helps to get to
know the caregivers and they see your parent as more than just another
resident when they get to know the family.

Hope this helps. Feel free to write me with any questions or worries
you might have. Mom moved almost 4 years ago now so we've had lots of
experience.  And by the way, Happy Belated Birthday.

Cyberhugs,
DianeW

((((Debbie))))

I think this is a wise choice for you and your dad. You already have a full
plate caring for Niki and yourself. I hope the transition goes well and that
you can finally get some rest.

Kelly C.

Sending Good Thoughts,
{{{{ Debbie, her dad & family }}}}

GramPaHugs,
Alex,

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Prayers are on their way Debbie. I know it's hard, but once he gets
there your dad just might find that he enjoys life more. One of my
former teachers went to an assisted living place after his wife died,
and he loved it. They went on day trips and to the movies as a group
(things he never would have done on his own) and he was much happier
with the companionship he had there.  I hope your dad will find the same.

Hugs,
Carole

(((((((Debbie))))))  all of you have my prayers.  I hope it works out
alright. Hopefully your dad will end up liking the place and you will do much
better with some of your stress eased.

Prayers for the move to be uneventful. As my mother's
doctor told her before my father was moved to a nursing
home -- this [full time care giving] is going to kill
you and when it does, he will have to be moved anyway.
Killing you serves no purpose. It is time. And the
doctor was right.
Prayers for all involved.
Duckie

You are always in my prayers and your welcome for the card.

I hope all works out well for you and your dad.